2011: A Year Ahead

I am not one to make real resolutions – ie “I will lose X amount of weight” – those ones never work.


But I want to work on all the areas of my life that I mentioned yesterday hadn’t been great this year.


Weight Loss - I need to step this up if I am going to hit my initial goal of 149 in 2011. I need to track everything and work on my dinner consumption. I think 1.5 lbs per week is a realistic goal if I work on it


Exercise - Needs to happen – more on this tomorrow


Food - I want to eat more whole foods. I want to eat more variety. I want to eat less.


Work - I need to be 100% focused while I am work and put myself out there. I need to get back to working hard.


Husband - WE need to be a focus this year. We need to communicate better – we used to be so good at it before we had 2 kids. We need to have date lunches and date nights. We need to spend time together in our own home and away from it. And maybe even get away for a long weekend!

 

Kids - I need to learn to be more patient with them. I need to be more present in their lives instead of relying on my husband to do a lot of the entertaining while I do all the other things around the house. They are growing up so fast and I don’t want to miss it because I am too busy.

 

Hobbies - I need to find areas to focus on and I think it is going to be photography and sewing. The cake decorating can be put on hold (a good idea!) – I’ll scrapbook what I need to, but I always say I am going to go back and re-do it “some day”.






But overall, I want 2011 to be about living and enjoying. Not stressing, not planning, not organizing. Just living.

Happy Dance

I know it won't say that tomorrow, but I can't help but be happy. Though I will admit when I first woke up it said 190.0. One of the few mornings I got to go back to bed for a while, knowing I would probably have to pee again when I woke up :) But who cares! It was on July 27 that I first saw the scale say 199.8 and it was on August 30 that I last saw the scale say 200. So it has been a long 4-5 months in the 190s. Yes, I will see the 190s again but hopefully it will not be a whole month before I see them for the last time.


Today I am wearing a pair of overalls I haven't worn in 7-8 years. I tried on a pair of size 14 jeans just on a whim - I could actually button them but they were extremely uncomfortable. I am definitely thicker than I was before I had babies.

Yesterday's organizing was a complete success. I feel so much more calm this morning. One of the things I did was go through the 3 bins of my clothes I have in the attic. One of the bins I physically labeled "The

Hallelujah Box" - it contains a pair of Size 10 jeans, Size 8 jeans, 3 bikinis, 3 cute little t-shirts I used to live in. But before I can get to that box I have 2 more boxes to go through. The first one would be my honeymoon clothes/Size 14/Size L summer clothes. The next would be size 12 clothing. I don't have a ton of clothes left, but some nice pieces I would really love to fit into! There is one last box I have that has all my hiking/outdoor/work out clothes - They are mainly size L and M. In 2011 I will get to wear them!

2010: A Year Passed

Honestly, 2010 has not been a great year. Not horrible by any means, but really not a stellar year in any areas of my life. I hate to complain when lots of people I know have been affected by serious illness this year.


I woke up on New Year’s Day, after a fun evening with my husband and then 3 year-old daughter, which included cheese AND chocolate fondue. New Year’s Eve in my book always has to have cheese fondue and some sort of chocolate. I stepped on the scale and it said 221.8. The highest I had ever seen it not pregnant or recently pregnant (my son was almost 10 months old at the time). Sure the weight was exaggerated by the food the night before, but not by much. The highest I had been while pregnant with my son was 231. I had seen the scale say 201 in August 2009. But, like with my daughter, I packed on 10-15 lbs quickly after weaning.


You would think that I would have gotten on the band wagon pretty quickly after that. No. According to my Excel sheet I keep of my weights, I did see 220 again on January 26th after having had Chinese food twice in one day. And then I didn’t step on the scale for another 2 months, even though Weight Watchers started a few weeks after the double-Chinese dipping. My weight was 219.4 according to the WW scale on 2/1/2010 which meant I was about 216 at home and I was still 216 when I re-committed myself after my son’s 1st birthday on 3/25/2010.


So I have managed to lose almost 30 lbs in 2010 which is a good thing in itself. But that is about the only really good thing of the year.


Exercise
Just didn’t happen this year. I tried for a few weeks back in May to get on the treadmill but quickly developed plantar fasciitis. I tried again at Labor Day and did it diligently for 6 weeks, getting up at 5:30 am 4 days a week, in the dark. But then I got sick for a good month and I haven’t been back. I always seem to find something better to do. It just hasn’t been a priority, even though I fantasize about it daily.


Food

Yes, I lost weight. But I eat the same thing every day and too much of it is processed. Dinners continue to be my area of struggle. For a while I was experimenting with different recipes, but the kids are in that “we don’t eat dinner” mode, so I have kind of given up. The result is we eat the same things over and over again. With WW's new plan, I am going to try to spice up my day foods as well as go back to some of the old favorite dinners I haven’t tried in a while, plus I have a long list of new ones I want to try.


Work

Work has sucked the life out of me since July 1st when I found out my client was leaving. Not in 17 years of professional life have I ever just not wanted to be at work this much, and I like working. I was on the client for 8 years and was their star contact. They loved me, but they just didn’t love my company so went to a competitor. So for 3 months I was working on my old client and a new client, so I was able to learn some new things while still loving my job. But on October 1st, my client left, and since then I have been on 4 different projects, mainly at the same time. I feel like I am floundering on all projects and I don’t fit in anywhere. Thankfully I am moving onto one new project next week and hopefully I can grow this next year.


Husband

We’ve only been married for 5 ½ years, but this has definitely been the most “non-existent” year of our marriage. We’ve done our own thing, been in our own worlds, or dealing with the kids, but we have failed 100% to be connected to each other. We both agree that this needs to change in the New Year. Our kids are getting older – my son can more easily be with other people, so we are going to make a conscious effort to spend time together, even if that means just watching a movie together, without our computers in front of us


Kids

The first 6 months of the year were those times when you really can’t leave your toddler alone for a second because he can climb on the couch, but he’s going to fall off. He can climb the stairs but the chances of him falling are high. And at the same time I felt like I was so busy doing other things that I really didn’t connect with them as much as I would have liked.


Hobbies

Between working, having 2 kids, having an hour commute each way, and being responsible for 95% of everything in the house, I have very little time for myself. I have a lot of hobbies that I wish I had time to work on: photography, sewing, scrapbooking, cake decorating, among other things. All need practice. I have all the materials I need – it is just a matter of doing. I was doing great with my photography and then my son dropped my external drive in May and I lost 1 year’s worth of work. I think that was a big turning point down back in May because I was so discouraged and so mad at myself for allowing it to happen that I kind of stopped doing all the things I love. Writing this makes it sound like depression – maybe mildly. But it is more a relatively new mom trying to make time for work, kids, herself. I want to have time for the hobbies AND working out AND getting enough sleep. Somehow I’ll figure it out.

Like I said, not a horrible year. We have our health, we have our house, we have our jobs, we have our kids, and we have relative happiness. But I turned 40 this year and I want life to be more than just getting by and living day-to-day. But more about that tomorrow.

Weekly Weigh In

Last Week: 193.2
This Week: 190.6
Change: -2.6
Change Since 3/25/2010: -25.4

I've done better the last few days in terms of snacking - I did a major purge last night, though the Christmas candy does remain. I'll see if I can make it through today unscathed - I am home alone to do a major clean. I know I won't see 189.8 tomorrow, even if I eat well all day, but I might as well try, right?!

Hurry up today

I just want today to be over, well the work day. I am going to stop by Target on the way home and stock up on storage bins and then let the work begin! I am so eager to have everything in the house back in it's place so the New Year can begin! Sadly, to make room for the new toys, I have to remove some of my son's toys that are too baby-ish. I am going to go through the pile and figure out which ones I want to keep for posterity sake and what can be donated. I wish I wasn't the last of my friends to have kids, because it makes it that much harder to get rid of everything.

I ate fairy well yesterday. I was on plan all day at work. My husband was out again last night so I was on my own with the kids. I made myself TWO Lean Cuisines for dinner. One wasn't enough points and I just didn't trust myself to try to peice together other items to get more points without picking junk as well. I wasn't good with the vegetables though and the amount of sodium was horrendous, but it was a rare occasion. I did have to restrain myself after the kids went to bed - all the goodies and stocking candy is around and I didn't eat one thing. Not that I didn't want to! As a result I was 191.4 this morning.

Yesterday, the woman at work who has been coordinating the WW At Work program asked for someone else to take the reins and I volunteered. Our current session ends at the end of January. Hopefully we'll get enough people (at least 15) to keep going.

The Challenging Days Continue

Today I had yet another unexpected day home with the kids (and the husband too) and an unexpected evening home alone with the kids - my parents weren't able to babysit due to the storm, so my husband got a friend to go to a concert with.

I had been down to 190.0 after the stomach bug, but I was back up to 191.2 this morning - yesterday was spent eating a lot of pasta and crackers. Today I started out well, but the stress of having too many feet under me, I broke into the Chex Mix and chocolate chip cookies. And dinner was pasta (too much) and nothing else - no veggies, no fruit, instead of the planned Lean Cuisine.

I feel like a Scrooge, but I took down all the Christmas decorations. I was going to wait until Wednesday night when we take down the tree, but since I was home, I figured I would take advantage of it. We took all the decorations, except the lights, off the tree as well. Now I can at least start to put my top floor back together and that will get me one step closer to being organized for January 1. I love Christmas, I really do. But once it is over, I am so ready for it to be over and to have my house be back to normal. Growing up we waited until January 1 to take everything down. No way. But in the future I do want to wait more until December 29th.

Thursday I will finish putting the house back together, go through all the cabinets and do a big purge of all the leftover sweets, make sure the work out equipment is in order, make sure all the kids stuff is in order, and try to have everything in it's place for January 1. Hopefully we won't be thrown off track on January 3rd like we were last year when my then-9 month old son ended up in the ER with a 105.0 fever and I took 3 of my 5 sick days within the first 10 days of the year.

I hate feeling this Type-A behavior, wanting the Christmas toys and decorations away as quickly as possible. But I do feel that January 1 is a clean slate and I am always eager for that to start as quickly as possible. Though next year my feelings may change. My daughter will be in school so it will be our first adventure into "school vacation" so I don't want to spend my vacation organizing and fretting - I expect that my husband and I will split the vacation, though I am hoping my parents will take her one day so I can still have my purge day.

Here's to hoping that the next 3 days can be better than the last 5.

Christmas Compare

The picture from last year was part of what made me really want to get my act together, though, I didn't start really until 3 months later, after my son's 1st birthday


Christmas 2009 - 221 lbs

Christmas 2010 - 191 lbs

Hmmm, wonder where I will be next Christmas?! I hope at 149 or lower, but I am not going to set a firm #/date deadline for myself. The title of my blog indicates I want to be Fit by 41 which is in August. Of course I would also like to be at my goal  by then. But that is too far enough. And anyways, goals for 2011 will be part of another post.

Unmerry Christmas

It had nothing to do with the comments my dad said - I would not allow him to ruin my Christmas for long. No, the stomach/intenstinal bug hit all of us yesterday. My husband stayed in bed until 3 pm while I managed present opening, all while feeling horrible and dealing with 2 sick kids. Then I was in bed for the rest of the day while my husband took over.

Any silver lining on this, I feel like going through the whole house and throwing out everything. I won't do it completely. But the leftovers from Christmas Eve will go and well as some other indulgences I really don't need around. I need to run out and get some shopping done - we are scheduled to get a blizzard. Ugh!

My father ruined my Christmas dinner

My parents have a big issue with me and my brother being overweight. We were never overweight as kids - both of us gained a lot of weight after we turned 30. But in the last 10 years my parents have lost weight (not that they needed to to begin with). My dad is the one who told me on Thanksgiving when I was 24 that I needed to lose weight - I was 139 lbs - yes I had gained 10 lbs in the last year. 5 days later I joined WW for the first time. My parents don't have any of our wedding pictures up because I know they are disappointed I weighed 184 when I got married. They couldn't believe that I showed my bare stomach during my maternity shots - obviously they didn't want any.

I will say my mom did tell my how proud she was of me when I told her I had hit the 25 lb mark.

So tonight, as my dad and I were plating the food for Christmas dinner, he asked me if the kids would actually eat anything. I was saying 'I wish I could be like them and just not eat anything at meals' and then he went on a 10 minute narration about how I need to lose weight and how he did and how easy it is and how you have to get through the plateaus.

I just stood their horrified. Christma Eve dinner is my favorite meal of the whole year. Thankfully I didn't actually let him ruin the meal for him, but I didn't really say anything to him for the rest of the night. I had seconds of dinner. I fully enjoyed the dessert I worked my heart out on. Oh yeah, and the red wine was my best friend.

Gotta love parents. And to top it off, he had no clue that he was hurting my feelings - and if he did, maybe he thought a holiday, my favorite holiday, would somehow all of a sudden make me drop 50 lbs in 3 months (and I say 50 lbs because I know once I hit 149 lbs there is no way that they will think it is enough)

But despite my father being an ass on Christmas Eve, I won't let it completely ruin my holiday.

Merry Christmas to all!

Weekly Weigh In

Last Week: 190.2
This Week: 193.2
Change: +3.0
Change Since 3/25/2010: -22.8

I am starting to worry about my scale as, except for one day at 193.4, it's been at 193.2 since Sunday - honestly I would have expected it to go up even more as I have not been very good this week. The homemade treats as well as the substantial nibbles and licks while making the goodies have definitely taken their toll. But I will move on from it. The holidays are for enjoying, just not going overboard.

Not the day I expected

My little one got sick in the middle of the night, so I've been up since 4 am, and my oldest did not want to go to school, so instead of having the day to myself to get a ton of stuff done (plus work), I was home with 2 kids. Ugh.

Yesterday I did pretty well despite TOM showing up - a few cookies early in the evening. This morning I was out of it so I didn't get a chance to weigh myself. It wasn't my best day. I definitely know that fatigue is a red flag for me - I very quickly fall off the wagon when I am really tired.

Right now I have meringues in the oven, cookie dough waiting to be cooked, and lasagna to put together for Saturday night (we have our big meal on Christmas Eve) and then tomorrow I have to make the dessert for tomorrow night.

I really don't need the cookies I am waiting to bake, but they are my MIL's molasses cookie recipe and since I am not doing gingerbread cookies this year, these cookies allow the house to smell like gingerbread and it is such a wonderful smell.

I am beyond excited for Christmas and not trying to think about my excitement for 2011 to see what it brings in terms of weigh-loss, exercise and overall good health.

1 day closer to Christmas

I really am a Christmas nut. Okay, well, not really over the top, but I used to not sleep all night until I was 22 (and started working and could afford things on my own). And now that I have kids, and a kid that is old enough to start to get it, I find myself all excited all over again. What a wonderful feeling!

Yesterday I did pretty well all day until the kids went to bed. Then I found myself in the Christmas cookies and Chex Mix at 8:00 at night - I almost never, ever eat after dinner. I never really have. But they looked so good and I know most of the stuff will find itself in the trash next Tuesday night. So I got to enjoy some cookies and snax in the quiet of the house before I had to start wrapping.

The scale really hasn't moved up in the last 3 days, so I am still up 3 lbs for the week. Life goes on. TOM should be here today or tomorrow, so I know that helped contribute to the late night munching.

And I continue to be excited. Oh yeah, a coworker complimented me the other day on my weight loss. THAT was enough to make my week!

Another day down...

Was not the most successful of days. I woke up feeling extremely tired and a little hung-over (or I was coming down with a cold).  This feeling of ik had me ordering breakfast at work. I figured this would be the only time for a very, very long time and if I did it that day, then I would have the most amount of time before my end-of-the-year weigh-in. I was even tempted to order lunch, buy thankfully, the $20 I thought i had was not in my purse so I ate my normal lunch. But I was so frenzied at work in the afternoon I forgot to have my snack before I left and I was stressed driving home in the first snow of the year. I had seconds of my husband's chicken parm (yum!) and some Christmas cookies for dessert.

So not the best day and the scale creeped a little this morning for the 4th day. Trying to be okay today but doing that with the stress of the week AND PMS might prove to be difficult. I should be okay until I get home. I need to get my water in which has been severely lacking the last few days.

Sunday's Challenging Day Done

The scale has steadily gone up the last 3 days to the tune of 3 lbs since Thursday.

We went to our friend's house for lunch - luckily the munchies (Chex Mix and chips/hummus) weren't too close by. Lunch was deli sandwiches and then the Christmas cookies were broken out. Maybe had a few too many :)

My parents came over and we really didn't have dinner - just 8 different appetizers over 2 hours and then Christmas cookies for dessert. Nothing really heavy and I didn't make too many of each. I felt a tad full, but it was fun.

Before they came, I ran out to the grocery store to get my staple Lean Cuisine pizza for lunches this week - I had purposefully not bought any thinking I could start the new WW this week. But I need consistency this week.

So here's to try to eating well until Christmas Eve. I need water. Lots and lots of water.

Another challenging day done...

I had a normal breakfast and brought a snack with me to my daughter's dance class since we had to go shopping. Though I did buy a box of whole wheat macaroni and cheese which I ate for lunch (impulse/hunger buy) - I did have a bunch of carrots and peaches for lunch as well.

I had a bunch of baking to do in the afternoon - I didn't nibble too much, but did some. I had a large snack before we left for our Christmas party. And I drank a large bottle of water on the hour drive their.

I could have been worse, could have been better at the party. I alternated between wine and water at the party. It was potluck and seemed to be food everywhere. And I found myself at a table with friends along with a jar of pretzel and chocolate clusters. Those were really, really good!

I knew I was going to wear one of 2 pairs of khakis to the party. Either my 16W which are nice and comfy and I like how they look on me better. Or the 16 which are a tiny, tad snug. The 16W were in the hamper. I feasibly could have pulled them out and ironed them, but I elected to wear the 16s. But I tried on a black turtleneck I hadn't worn in 3 years - I really can't pull off turtlenecks as I have a very short neck. Disappointed I pulled it off and put on another shirt. I definitely need to go shopping for more black shirts/tops, which are my staple, after the holidays.

Another extremely challenging food day tomorrow.

Friday check in

Yesterday we checked out the new Asian restaurant around the corner. I got a ginger salad to fill up some on greens. I also ordered water which I have been doing so well with. But I still did my normal 3 plates I do at chinese buffets - the first is always fake sushi. The second is appetizers. The third is normal meals. But none of the plates are overflowing - they are little plates. But I still had that too full feeling because I am just not used to eating so much. But a year ago I wouldn't have felt full at all. For dinner we fed the kids and just picked at leftovers ourselves.

Today we did go out to lunch with the kids. No soda. But I did get an appetizer. We skipped the dessert that came with our meal.

After lunch I went grocery shopping for the next 10 days. Bought way too much cheese - But I can eat just a little of each. I also brought my new WW calculator to figure out the points for somethings I have in the freezer, but no longer have packaging for (hot dog rolls, lavish bread, etc.)

Weekly Weigh In

Last Week: 193.4
This Week: 190.2
Change: -3.2
Total Since 3/25/2010: -25.8

So close but no cigar on seeing 189.8. But that is okay. My goal just is to see it before 12/31.

Yesterday I ended up getting Smart Food from the vending machine because I was so hungry - It was 4 points, which isn't too bad. I had to work late so I came home to dinner waiting for me on the counter and I have to inhale it before giving the kids their bath. I did eat too fast so I still felt hungry afterwards. The Chex Mix I haven't touched since Saturday was staring at me but I resisted. I drank a lot of water - I usually do anyways, but extra water has really been helping me lately.

But this is the beginning of a potentially challenging week
-Today my husband and I are trying out the new Asian restaurant around the corner - they have a buffet at lunch. Could be bad, could be easier because I can have 1 crab rangoon, not the 6-8 if we ordered take out.
-Dinner will be disorganized, so I'll make myself a lot of veggies and only one helping of pasta salad
-Tomorrow we are all taking the day off - we are planning to get to the Mall early to see Santa. That is good. A later time could result in ending up at the Cheesecake Factory for lunch
-Saturday night is a Christmas party at our friends - I plan on holding water in my hand the whole night and not standing too close to the food table
-Sunday morning we are visiting friends - again, I am going to try to avoid munching on food as we all hover around the kitchen island which we normally do
-Sunday my parents are supposed to come over for appetizers (which will be our dinner) - It may snow so they might not. I could make so many appetizers - I love them! But I will try to be in control
-We'll do some baking this weekend - 3 kinds of cookies. I will refrain from batter or eating too many cookies

Then come Monday morning I should be able to be on course until Christmas Eve. I am going to enjoy the next week but everything needs to be in moderation.

So I do not expect to see a loss in week, especially since it will be TOM. But I'll try for a maintenance.

The Forgotten Cereal

My life is so routine. I bring the same thing to work every day to eat (well, I have been. That will be most likely changing soon). I have a little routine of how I pack everything up the night before. I have some like quirks. 3 things remain on the counter: my 8 oz coke, my fruit cup and my cereal. The cereal and fruit cup don't need to be refrigerated, but could be. But the coke - in the past, what I found is that if I put it in the fridge the night before, then I would be more tempted to drink it as soon as I got to work. So at least now it is cold (okay, cool, because it's been in a cooler bag with frozen and refrigerated items) But warm enough psychologically that I wouldn't drink it)

The cereal I measure out the 3/4 cup into a tupperware container. I use the container for a couple of days before washing it. So last night I threw it in the general area of where I make my lunch. It wasn't until I got to work this morning that I realized that I forgot to fill it last night! Agh! So 3 points of of my 29 left at home. My morning crunch (and crutch - I don't drink coffee in the morning, well ever, except in the form of ice cream). I immediately started thinking about what I could eat from the cafeteria for 3 points. I scoured my purse for a Fiber One bar. Nothing. So I went without. Ugh. It is 11:30 - I've had my yogurt, I've had my morning snack, and I am counting the minutes until 12:00 when I can eat lunch.

And the reason for this insanity? Tomorrow I have the day off so I won't be here for WW anyways. But. This morning the scale said 190.4. If I am really good today, maybe, just maybe, the scale could say 189.8 tomorrow. I doubt it. But I am not going to sabotage it by getting a bagel in the caf, or god forbid the world's best breakfast sandwich.

I will make up those 3 points sometime today though - I don't want to be starving. There is too much yummy pasta salad at home for me to get home starving. So even if i have to grab something from the vending machine (I just couldn't do it at 8:30 am), I'll make sure I eat my points.

Even more spring!

Only .6 to get to where I was pre-vacation. I can do it!

It is sad that a number on the scale can affect my mood so much. But I learn I have to get on that scale every single morning. Otherwise I just don't mind the inspiration to eat well during the day. And I actually get giddy as I am going to bed if I think the scale will show a loss the next day. I know I've said this before, but eventually the weight won't come off as quickly (if I actually do the work, the weight has been steady, but since I am not very good at dinner time, it hasn't been as steady).

I spent a considerable amount of time yesterday trying to formulate new meals

This is my current meals and their new WW points
Breakfast
3/4 cup Kashi (3)
Yogurt (2)

Snack
Fruit cup (0)
Cheese stick (1)

Lunch
Carrots (0)
Lean Cuisine Deluxe Pizza (9)
(8 oz regular coke (3) - this goes against my extra points)

Snack
Vitatop (3)
Fiber One Yogurt (1)

This only leaves me 10 points for dinner, which is not enough

So I am going to aim for the following to reach my 29 points
Breakfast (5)
Snack (1)
Lunch (8)
Snack (3)
Dinner (12)

So my breakfast and first snack can stay the same - may add some fruit to breakfast

Lunch is the biggest change - I can cut a chunk out of my pizza, which I was doing earlier in the fall, to make it 8 pts instead of nine. But we are also trying to cut back on our finances this coming year to save for a new house, so I figure instead of spending the $4 per pizza, I could also make sandwhiches, etc. So I figured out 8 point lunchs for PB&J, Egg Salad, Chicken Salad, Pasta Salad, Ham and Cheese, Turkey and Cheese, Pasta, etc. I've always brought processed foods for lunches, so this will be the biggest challenge.

And the afternoon snack has to change as well. I don't want to use a whole vitatop as my snack - I also need to fit in another dairy into my day (I don't think the 1 cheese stick counts towards a serving of dairy) So I came up with some other options as well for only 3 points.

And finally I went through all our most common staple meals and determined how much I can have for 12 points.

So all this said and done, I am not sure when I will actually put it into place. Maybe next week. We'll see. I'll get some of the items I need at the grocery store this week.

I can do this, I can do this. I want to see the scale say 18# very badly!

Spring coming back in my step?

One, the scale was good this morning. 192.6 so only 1.8 to lose to get back to where I was pre-vacation. I think it is doable. Of course TOM will be here in a little over a week, but hopefully that won't derail my plans. It will arrive right in time for Christmas (how are we so close to Christmas already?!).

But the spring in my step also has to do with the fact that I devoted a large chunk of time yesterday to ready all the new Weight Watchers material and figuring out the new points for all my favorite foods.

I have never been one to track my dinners, which I know has been a downfall in the last year. So the changes in points for those items didn't really affect me that much. It is the point changes in my breakfast/lunch/2 snack meals that need to be played with. If I kept eating what I've been eating, I would only have 10 points left for dinner, when I really should have 13 according to WW (and seeing that dinner is the one meal I have issues with, I should have as many points as I can!)

Oh yeah, and I am loving the "free fruit" - My 21 month old son loves to tell me he wants a banana, then takes 2 bites and hands it to me. So now I no longer have to waste it. I can eat it and not feel guilty. Yeah!!!

So the plan is to eat well Monday - Wednesday and then evaluate where I am. I am scheduled to have Thursday and Friday off, which could be lunches and/or dinners out and then 3 holiday gatherings over the weekend! Yikes. I will admit, all of that makes me nervous even thinking about it. But I will visualize everything before I go and try to to de-rail myself completely.

Better today....until dinner

I did pretty well during the day - I kept looking at the Chex Mix but didn't have any. I stuck to my normal weekday food plan. I did have some hunger pangs during the day. I also was bored during the day - it was a chilly, rainy day so we were shut in. But I refused to let boredom (or a timeout from the kids!) derail my plans. So in that respect I am happy.

For dinner I made my famous chili (beef, sausage, beans). But I also tried to make latkes (potato pancakes) for the first time. Friend's of ours always has a holiday party during Hannakah but we missed it because we were in Disney. They always make Latkes, which we love, and we've been talking about making them ourselves for years.

I only had 3 of them - I could have had 10! I did have a second helping of chili (along with more cheese and sour cream, both full-fat) I really didn't need it. I didn't finish it though. I had that really full feeling while eating it, which made me not feel so good. I hate that feeling.

I am pulling the stew and the homemade macaroni and cheese off the holiday time menu this year. 2 less dinners where I know I would probably overeat. As I see it now, even getting back to 191 by December 31st could potentially be in jeapordy, so any help I can get.

Need to nip it in the butt on December 12th

I think I am already rethinking my food plans for the next 3 weeks to pull back some.

Last night I made Chex Mix which my husband loves at this time of year. And I found myself aimlessly eating way too much of it today. And then I found myself grazing as a whole. I also made our favorite pasta salad and I had 3 helpings. Yikes. That is what happens when I make the foods I absolutely love. I eat too much. I am not 193.4, for the most part, because I eat a lot of junk food. I am this weight because I eat too much. I want to have the foods I love this holiday season, but I need to just have them in a smaller quantity and between those meals, I need to eat smaller dinners. Eating too much for dinner has been what has prevented me from losing more than 30 lbs this year (not that 30 lbs is anything to sneeze at). But if I am going to lose more than 30 next year, I need to do better at dinner.

On a good note, I ran into a friend yesterday whom I hadn't seen since my son's 1st birthday party (a week after the party I really began my weight loss, weighing at 216) and she went on and on about how great I looked - she was basing it solely on my face as I was bundled under scarves and a winter coat. It made me feel on cloud 9.

Holiday Plan

I went through last night and did menu planning for the next 3 weeks to make sure that we had time to fit in all the holiday favorites - It all will be a big test for me, because I don't want to be deprived so it will be a test of portion control.

We have nothing for the next week, so I have time to flush out the system and feel good. We had tacos last night, which notoriously is a meal where I have seconds, which I did. Add the black olives and the scale wasn't pretty this morning. But it kept me in check and prevented me from ordering breakfast at work this morning, since this is a rare Friday I am in the office.


Baking/Dessserts
Chocolate chip cookies
Gingerbread Men (for Santa)
Raspberry thumbprints with white chocolate
Chex Mix
Buche de Noel for Christmas Eve
Chocolate Charlotte for New Year's Eve


Gatherings
Saturday Dec 18th - Xmas Party
Sunday Dec 19th - Xmas playdate/lunch with friends
Sunday Dec 19th - Appetizer dinner with family
Christmas Eve at my parents - Beef tenderloin, potatoes, broccoli, yorkshire pudding
New Year's Eve at home - Salad, cheese fondue (my seriously once-a-year guilty pleasure), dessert

Meals to test myself
Homemade Mac and Cheese
Chili
Stew
Take out Chinese (I can't remember the last time we had it)
Christmas Eve (my favorite meal of the year)
New Year's Eve (my second favorite meal of the year)

But all of this is in a period of 3 weeks - that is 21 dinners, 21 lunches and 21 breakfasts - So it really is a small percent of the meals and there is no reason for me not to eat well all the other meals.

If I can get back to 191 by next Thursday, maybe, just maybe, I could get to 189 by December 31st. But I am not going to stress about it.

Weekly Weigh In

Last Week: 190.8
This Week: 193.4
Change: +2.6

I was actually 192.0 the day I left for Disney, but even if that was water weight, 2.5 lb gain isn't that bad. Hopefully I can lose it again by next Thursday. I don't have any holiday obligations this weekend, so it should be doable.

Not so bad...

The scale said 194.0 this morning. I was pleasantly surprised. But I still feel very squishy because after having my kids, all the weight goes straight to my stomach and it doesn't bode well for my self-esteem (I am always convinced that everyone will think I am pregnant again)

So after a nice quiet lunch with my husband today, I'll be back on the wagon. I can't wait.

I can't wait to get back to exercising. My son is getting a cold and I hope I don't catch it this time like I did in October when I was sick for 3 1/2 weeks and I haven't exercised since.

Home and dreading the scale

Our trip to Disney was wonderful - a bit stressful traveling with a 21 month old and a 4 year old, crazy, not relaxing, exhausting, but fun.

But the eating part was not fun. We had booked 3 character meals and those were rushed and the kids were going bonkers, so we just kind of shoveled in the food. And the result was probably 3-4 times this trip I had a serious bellyache. I am not used to eating much and I definitely over-did it. But even if I had had the time to pick out the healthiest thing on the menu, there wasn't a ton of healthy things to pick from.

But on a good note, I brought granola bars and ate those as snacks. We didn't have any Disney snacks at all. We used all our snack credits towards water, and milk and bananas for the kids.

We did drink water (I only got soda one meals) but no where near as much as I normally do, so dehydration contributed to my discomfort. That and being "backed up" (sorry, TMI) from lack of veggies and fruit.

But I am home, tomorrow is another day. I am not working and will go grocery shopping. I will get on the scale tomorrow, and will probably be horrified but hopefully it doesn't say above 200. And move on.

Oh yeah, in reviewing the pictures quickly from the trip, I am not happy with my stomach at all. The bloat is definitely eviden and I hate that it makes me look 5 months pregnant. Ugh.

Weekly Weigh In

Last Week: 192.4
This Week: 190.8
Change: -1.6
Total Since 3/25/2010: -25.2

I made my official weigh-in one day early since we are leaving so early tomorrow. Plus I went to a WW meeting at a center today (opposed to At Work) so I could learn about the new plan since I am going to miss my meeting tomorrow.

I was hoping to be under 190 before we went on our trip. Oh well. But I move on.

I like the sound of the new WW plan - when I have to time to wrap my arms around it I'll embrace it. I am all about eating less processed foods if I can.

But for now it is all about the foods on vacation. I am going to practice my visualization techniques before we go do I don't completely splurge on the couple buffets, desserts, and bread baskets.

My anxiety is annoying me

Of course I am very excited to go on our trip - I've been planning it for 11 months. But the anxiety about what the scale will say when I get back is annoying me.

I want to go on vacation and enjoy myself - Yes it will be stressful because it is such a short trip. But I've always said that I have incredibly low expectations about the trip - as long as my 4 year daughter gets to meet Cinderella, really,all the rest is gravy. We had originally planned on going back to the hotel for naps 2 days and trying to stay at the Magic Kingdom all day on Sunday, but I think we'll go back to the hotel that day as well. No point in running everyone ragged. Not at this age.

When I first starting planning the trip back in February, I really thought I would be at 172 by this trip. That is the weight I was when me and my husband starting dating, which is 8 years ago this coming Friday. But I am okay with not being anywhere near that goal.

But I am worried about is that the scale could actually say over 200 when I get back. I know that is insane - 9 lbs in 5 days, I really doubt it. And I know I can control it. But I don't even want it to say over 195. I've gone through the menus and looked at what I may have at the places that are not buffets or family style meals. It's the snacks I am a little bit more worried about. We'll be walking a lot I know. And I am bringing Fiber One bars to snack on. But I will have a few treats here and there. But this vacation is not an excuse to eat everything in sight and derail my progress.

I was back to 191.0 this morning and I've said all along that my goal for December 31st is to weigh the same (or less but I am not going to stress about that) than I do the day we leave for vacation.

But I am going to to stop stressing. I am going to enjoy my daughter's first Disney vacation (and only my second, the first being 10 years ago when I was 30), make smart choices but not stress, and take it all in.

Weight Watchers is taking over my day

I really should be doing a lot of work, but I am completely procrastinating by figuring out as much as I can about the new plan on-line. I will be on vacation during our At Work meeting on Thursday but I am going to try to go to a center where my leader teaches on Wednesday morning so I can get the materials and buy the calculator.

I am at 29 daily points, like a lot of the world it seems, since that is the minimum # of points. I think they take height and age into consideration - I don't think weight is as much of a factor since I am still considered obese and I get the minimum # of points. Though since there is no quiz to take, who knows if we'll every know how it is calculated.

I am not up at arms about the fact that my processed foods are now more points. My # of points a day went up by 5 (from 24 to 29) but the foods I eat breakfast - snack are now 20 points instead of 14. So I will need to spend some time evaluating my food choices and trying to make some changes. But that may not happen until after the holidays.

I know my biggest change I need to make is to stop eating a Lean Cuisine Deluxe Pizza every day for lunch - It was 7 points (though sometimes I cut it down to 6 points by literally cutting 1/7th of it out) and now it is 9 pts.

 I definitely have cut down on my processed foods from a year ago, but I definitely have room for improvement. I am one of those people this new program was designed for, so I will embrace it and see what happens.

Back to the grind...for 3 days

My long weekend was not the healthy eating, except for 1 meal, that I thought it would be. But it is Monday and I am back on track...For 3 days until we go on vacation for 5 days.

I really should have thrown away the rest of the apple pie that we didn't eat on Thursday and I didn't give to my parents. My husband prefers pumpkin pie and my kids apparently only like the ice cream next to the pie. So unfortunately I found myself finishing 1/2 the pie (not all at once!).

I spent the majority of the long weekend running around getting stuff organized for our trip, but that also resulted in some snacking and no real exercise at all. But in my defense, my foot is starting to bother me some (I had a mild case of plantar fasitis back in the spring) and I am worried about aggrivating it too much before vacation.

Saturday I went and bought tons of snacks for our trip - Wednesday I will organize what I actually bring. I got Fiber One bars for myself and a bunch of crackers and granola bar type stuff for the kids. We are on the Deluxe Dining Plan at Disney so some snacks come with that, but I don't want to be shelling out tons of money for crap food. None of us need it. Though I will try some of the tasty snacks Disney has to offer. I've only been their once, when I was 30, so I really don't know what to expect.

I did feel a little down this weekend because the scale wasn't saying very nice things. In the past 9 months, I would have used that as a reason to get back on track. But I didn't. I ate. An unfamiliar feeling and a feeling that sucks! I ate because I was stressed and anxious and excited. But I am back on track today for the next 3 days. Maybe, just maybe, I can lose 1.2 lbs in that time?! I doubt it, but I will try.

Weekly Weigh In

Last Week: 191.2
This Week: 192.4
Change: +1.2

The gain was definitely expected, though I was up over 3 lbs at one point. But even my dinners this week were larger, with seconds a couple times. My husband likes to have rolls for Thanksgiving but I decided last year that we just don't need them so I made rolls with our Wednesday pasta.

We had dinner today at 4:00 instead of our 1:00 - 2:00 of years past. My husband and I decided that we'll definitely do that from now on. Today the Patriot's were playing at the 12:30 game so I made a bunch of fancy appetizers (not normal football fare) to eat for lunch. I love appetizers, so I think we may do that in the future for lunch on Thanksgiving, but eat more around noon.

I only had one helping for dinner. I really don't love Thanksgiving food except for the stuffing. And I didn't finish my dessert. I did feel full, though not stuffed. It wasn't a nice feeling.

We have a week before we leave on vacation - I am going to try to eat healthy and smart from now until then. I'd love to be down to at least 191.0 (which I was last Friday) by then.

Thankful for my children....

It seems so cliche to be thankful for your kids. But Thanksgiving time really hits home for me.

5 years ago today, it was Thanksgiving day, and I found out I was pregnant with my daughter. It was the end of the day, on a whim (after a couple glasses of wine!) I decided to test, even though it was early (I wasn't even late yet) - the line was so faint, so faint I didn't even show it to my husband. But a test the next day was definitely positive, though I still braved Black Friday to drive to Walmart to get a bunch more tests. I did pray that Thanksgiving night that I would have a baby for the next Thanksgiving. My mom had had 6 miscarriages, so I was very scared for what the future might bring. The future brought a beautiful baby girl on 8/7/06.

Thanksgiving 2007 was spent recovering from a miscarriage at 13 weeks. I didn't want to eat. I wanted to loose the 10 lbs I had gained in that first trimester. I prayed that I would be pregnant the next Thanksgiving.

And I was. The week before Thanksgiving 2008 I was 22 weeks and was supposed to go on vacation to Florida. Since I was at a high-risk for an incompetent cervix, though I had had no issues with my daughter, my OB wanted to check before I went on vacation and what he found was a 2 cm cervix when it should be well over 3 cm. So I was put on bedrest - At this point I was 10 days shy of viability. So we had no idea what the future would bring. I prayed that for Thanksgiving 2009 I would have a 8-9 month old baby. Thankfully, 14 weeks of bedrest (not strict bedrest, I was able to work from home) allowed me to walk into my c-section at 39w on St Patrick's Day 2009. And my prayers were answered.

Trying to get back on the wagon

I actually ate well all day yesterday at work. It is easy when you bring your breakfast, lunch and 2 snacks to work, and don't succumb to the cafeteria. Dinner was pretty good, though I did have 1/2 an extra helping of chicken enchiladas - one of my favorite meals. But the scale stayed the same this morning. Usually on the day AF arrives I see this mega-dip on the scale. Very weird. I wish it would hurry up and get here. I do miss the days of being on the Pill - AF was 36 hours long. I barely noticed it was there. And it arrived within the same 2 hour window every 4th Tuesday.

Another thing I don't like about being off the Pill is PMS. I guess I shouldn't say that it necessarily has to do with being off the Pill and maybe just the nature of the beast of having a 4 year old and a 1 year old. But I definitely feel that my PMS is worse than it used to be and I don't like feeling so crabby. But I don't want to go back on the Pill at age 40 when I don't need it for birthcontrol anymore.

So I just want to get through today. Ignore the cupcakes at home :) And start preparing for Thanksgiving and tomorrow I can write about what I am thankful for.

3 day set-back

3 days, up 3 lbs. Ugh. But I should be able to get back on track today. I have to! I was not at all pleased with my behaviour over the weekend. I had Kraft Mac & Cheese both days for lunch. I had 3 homemade cupcakes. Meals were unplanned. I didn't drink much water. I nibbled. Overall, not good at all. Add AF should be here tomorrow and PMS was in full steam, it was not good!

But today is another day. I do have a lot of stressful things to do at work in the next 3 days. Thankfully Wednesday I can work from home so I can get my Thanksgiving shopping done.

Vacation is 10 days away and I want those 10 days to be overall a good food experience. I don't like Thanksgiving food and that is only 1 meal out of 30.

Cheesecake Factory

I was so good all week, making choices at restaurants, at home and at work. But I also knew that Friday night I was going to go to the Cheesecake Factory with my BFF, who I only see 2x a year.

I usually work from home on Fridays but my presence was required at work. I did order breakfast there. Yes, I know I did it because I knew I didn't have to weigh-in officially for 2-3 weeks. I never order breakfast during the week because weigh-in is on the horizon. But I figure a Friday every once in a while is okay. If I have to start going in every Friday, which is a distinct possibility, then it will be a every-few-months occasion. Ordering breakfast means: breakfast sandwich and a yogurt parfait. Yummy.

At Cheesecake I had 1 piece of bread (could have skipped that), few sips of wine (I really should have sent it back - it was beyond warm. Yuck), summer rolls (really just shrimp, veggies and those thin skins - nothing deep fried), a cobb salad ("small" size on CF standards, but I hate to know how many calories), and a piece of cheesecake. I go to CF 1-2 a year - I've definitely overindulged before. I was concerned about the volume of food I was able to consume without feeling full. But I didn't feel guilty. It is called living.

Of course I feel kind of gross this morning. I planned on getting on the scale this morning but my daughter decided to get up at an unreasonable time this morning and I didn't feel like shlepping back upstairs and risk waking up my son. But today is a new day.

Weekly Weigh In

Last Week: 194.0
This Week: 191.2
Change: -2.8
Total Since 3/25/2010: -24.8

And all my hard work this week paid off :)

I am actually down a total of 26.8 at WW, which we started in February.

So what now? Still working towards 189 by December 1st. Then get back to 189 by December 31st.

I am very excited about hearing about the new program, but I am not sure if I am going to start following it until after the holidays. We'll have to see.

Restaurant Test was a success

I did have a 1 pt cheese stick and some turkey pepperoni before I left so I wasn't starving. And I stuck to my plan. No alcohol, no popcorn. I had the small portion of turkey tortellini salad  (I probably could have had less ranch dressing). And the scale rewarded me with 192.4 this morning. One more day and hopefully it stays down.

Over the weekend I put all of my Size 18 pants in the donate pile and my husband took them over. So now for work I am left with 1 pair of 16W khakis and 2 pairs of size 16 pants. They are a tad snug but that is okay. It is so easy for me to wear such baggy clothes, but it is a nice change to wear something that is a tad small but because I am going down in sizes, instead of that horrible feeling when you know you have to run out at lunch and buy the bigger size because you can't take it any more. Hopefully I will never, ever have to do that again!

Weight loss on the brain

I hate the days when I can't think of anything else except weight-loss and food. I want the days to hurry up and be over so I can go to sleep and wake up the next morning and see what the scale says. But that is no way to go through life, wanting the days to pass by. Well, in my case, right now I do. We are going on a wonderful vacation in 16 days, so yes, I want time to hurry up!

But in today's case I want the day to fly by so I can go out and have another Restaurant Test. I am excited to see my friend too. But I want to know if I can resist the alcohol and the popcorn. If I can just have the small portion of the dinner I plan and be okay with it. I should be. I try to not eat much at dinner and since this is a Tuesday before weigh-in, if I want that 25 lb weight, I HAVE to be good. But I have so much stress going on at work right now. I just want the day to be over....At it is only 9:15.

On a good note, the scale was back to 192.8 this morning, which is what I need to be at to get my 25 lb. I really hope it happens!

Focus, focus, focus until Thursday

I was up even more this morning - 194.4, but I had salty food yesterday. I did make some good choices, some not-so-good.

For lunch my daughter wanted "Mummy Hotdogs" - hot dogs wrapped in crescent rolls and baked. They were turkey dogs, but I had 2 of them.

She had a birthday party to go to, and despite the cake being an insanely yummy looking cake, for the first time, I passed on a piece.

My parents and cousins came over for dinner - I didn't have wine, I only had 1 piece of Hawaiian pizza. I did have 2 servings of salad which have feta and walnuts in it. And I did have one serving of dessert - brownies with vanilla ice cream and raspberry sauce. Yummy.

I'd say the next 3 days would be easy to get back to 192.8, but tonight's dinner is a little up in the air - I think we're doing the first Chicken A La King of the cold-weather season. I could try to skip the roll or replace it with whole wheat bread. But the salt in the Creamy of Celery soup we use will probably not reflect well on the scale tomorrow. Tomorrow night I am going out to dinner with a friend - the plan is to drink water, not beer, don't eat the popcorn at the table, and have either veggie ravioli or turkey tortellini salad - this is going to be a hard one to stick to!

Test #1: Mexican Restaurant

I weighed in on Saturday at 192.8 - woo-hoo!

Saturday we had to do errands with the kids around lunch time, so I knew we'd end up eating out somewhere. We chose our favorite mexican restaurant which we haven't been to in a while - I also knew it would be a good test of making some healthier choices. I knew I wouldn't be perfect. First - I didn't order soda, though I have been doing this for months. I really only like regular Coke in a can, so ordering it in a restaurant isn't worth it. Also I skipped the queso dip, which was hard. I did have quite a few chips and salsa -their salsa is amazing. Really chunky and fresh. We did get wings for an appetizer, which is what the kids eat. And I ordered the steak quesadilla instead of the steak fajita taco, as it wouldn't come with rice or refried beans. But I did put sour cream and guacamole on it.

Even though I had steak at lunch, we also had steak tips for dinner with baked potato. I took out most of the inerds of the potato out - I intended to eat the skin, but I wasn't really hungry so I didn't eat much.

I was 1 lb up this morning - that is okay. Todays challenges will be: 1) Not having cake at a kid's birthday party. And my mom is bringing my visiting cousins over for dinner - we are ordering pizza, having salad, and she is bringing brownies/ice cream/ raspberry sauce for dessert. I'll only have 1 piece of pizza, some salad and a small amount of dessert.

As long as I can get back to the 192.8 by Thursday I should get my 25 lb weight, but I want to try to get down to 192, but I also have a dinner our on Tuesday night.

Keep the momentum going....

My typical week is weigh-in on Thursday, do well on Thursday so I am even less on Friday, say 'Wow, I can definitely make my goal for next Thursday' but I sabotage myself sometime between Friday and Sunday and spend the next 3 days trying to lose and end up with a maintain on Thursday.

Yesterday I was 194.2, this morning I was 193.2. I ate perfectly yesterday - I counted my 10 points for dinner. I didn't have ice cream with my family (which I did not feel deprived about).

But my goal for next Thursday is really only 192.8, but 192 would be even better. Still want to be 189 by December 2nd.

So I've got to keep the momentum going, work the plan, track, don't nibble, make wise choices during my 1-2 meals out this week. I can do it!

Another week...let's see how it goes

So it has been 2 weeks since I've seen a loss. 2 weeks since I first and last saw 193.#. I am dieing to see it again! I am dieing to see 192.#. I want my 25 lb. I want to get back into my groove of weight loss. I want to exercise again! Even better, I want to see 189.8!

I went to my WW meeting today but didn't weigh in. It was all about Thanksgiving. I don't like Thanksgiving. To me, any holiday that doesn't involve chocolate is a waste :) Valentine's Day, Easter and Christmas all involve chocolate. 4th of July doesn't, but I love strawberries and blueberries, so I am okay with it. I just don't love Thanksgiving food. The happiest part of the day is at 11:58 when Santa arrives at Herald's Square and that signifies the beginning of the Christmas season. My favorite time of year aside from the month of May.

But knowing that I have 5 days in early December that could completely derail my weight-loss plans is daunting. I am SO excited to go to Disney. I am a giddy little school girl. But I just want to bring it on so I can see how my weight fares on the back end (literally and figuratively!). Sucks because I am have so much work to do between now and then! So much stress.

But aside from our vacation, I am going to really try to minimize the Christmas festivities from a food standpoint. My daughter is too young to know or care so I can skip one more year. I'll do a little, but not go overboard. I need to have Christmas dinner (on Christmas Eve), Christmas breakfast (which I can do okay at) and New Year's Even dinner of cheese and chocolate fondue. Really, that is it. I don't need to bake anything. We are away for all our annual Christmas parties. I will survive. I will work out!

Weekly Weigh In

Last Week: 194.0
This Week: 194.2
Change: +.2
Total Loss since 3/25/2010: -21.8

I am disappointed with thes slight gain, but I can't say I didn't deserve it. This weekend I displayed behaviors that I hadn't in a while - grazing, nibbling, picking. Not good. I really need to get back to tracking. I so badly want to hit 192.8 but really I would love to be 189 in 3 weeks from today. But that means hard work. I've got 2 evenings out next week and Thanksgiving and I could feasibly see us going out to lunch this weekend. But that should be it. I should be able to be "good" for 3 weeks.

As for exercise, it has now been 4 weeks. I've still got a wee-bit of a cold, but I am thinking on Saturday morning I might try to get back on the treadmill. I will honestly say I miss it!

Struggling

I didn't weigh in at all over the weekend and I didn't eat very well either. I didn't eat a lot of candy or anything, but nibbles and pinches here and there, which isn't good. I didn't want to get on the scale this morning - I was pleasantly surprised that it only said 195.0. But I really need to get back on the program.

I feasibly could only go to WW the next 2 weeks and then only 1 more time until the end of the year, because, since I have the vacation days left, I am scheduled to be out almost all Thursdays in December, since we have a lot of Fridays off as well. I am thinking I need to change at least a couple of those so I can make it to my meeting.

My cold is going on 3 1/2 weeks now - 3 1/2 weeks since I have worked out. It is still lingering, though getting better. I could possibly work out tomorrow morning, but I am thinking not - I am scared of a relapse. But I am eager to get back to working out. Of course I am going to have to go back to just walking, when, before I got sick, I was ready to move on to other things.

I still want to be at 189 on December 31st. I'll try. I'll really try.

Weekly Weigh In

I forgot to come post yesterday

Last Week: 193.4
This Week: 194.0
Change: +.6
Total since 3/25/2010: -22 lbs

I did go to WW and I was down 1.2 since I had missed last week - .8 away from my 25 lb weight. I would love to get it next week - though as of mid-day Friday I am not doing real well. I haven't hit the candy today even though I am home alone, but instead I've been grazing which isn't good either.

I am feeling better, but not 100%. I hope to start working out by Tuesday. I am so stressed with work - I hate this feeling so much!

I don't need any more candy....

I have eaten my 12 designated pieces of candy. What is going to be hard is to stick to it. Tomorrow we are donating the rest of my daughter's candy, but only after we pull some out for her to eat. I will not pull out any more for me. I will not pull out any more for me. I will not pull out any more for me.

Honestly, I haven't been able to fully enjoy the 12 pieces I have eaten because of this cold. The stuffiness has affected my sense of smell and my taste buds, so I haven't gotten the full flavor of the treats.

But I doubt I will be maintaining this week. I will most likely show a loss from 2 weeks ago. But I doubt I'll be where I was a week ago. Which means I have to work that much harder in the next week to get to my 25 lb weight. And I have a lot of stressful work to do in the next week. It is going to be hard.

Getting Back on It

On a good note, since Thursday, I have only had 3 pieces of Halloween candy. 1 on Thursday and 2 on Sunday. I picked out 9 other pieces from my daughter's bag and hopefully that will be it. I will try my hardest to avoid any candy that is around here at work. I didn't bring any of mine here. I did make my husband bring the remainder of the candy that we didn't hand out into work. And we'll eventually ditch the rest of my kid's candy.

The scale was pretty scary this morning. 196.8.

Friday - I had popcorn and soda for lunch at the movies.
Saturday - I went out to lunch in NYC, had a PB&J sandwich before the wedding, and then a slow trail of food and alcohol from 8 pm - 1 am at the wedding
Sunday - Ate breakfast out, then junk on the way home, and then a small dinner - but really not enough fruit or veggies in the last 3 days

I am still battling this bad cold - It is driving me crazy

If I can get back to 193.4 by Thursday, then I will be thrilled.

Dresses and desserts

So I brought home the size 14/16 dress from Lane Bryant, and after removing the tags and washing it, I thought about how we went on a cruise in October 2004, when I probably weighed what I do now, and there were formal nights. So what did I wear back then and did I still own them? I found a dress in my closet that was size 14 - figured no way that it would fit. Well it did. So I am kicking myself for having washing the dress (and the tags are already out with the trash) but it will just get added to the Donate pile. And now the Spanx I bought, will be put to some use.

But on another note, I bought a pair of shoes today in size 9 for the first time ever. I hate shoes. I hate wearing them and I especially hate buying them. But my casual work shoes had worn out and needed to be replaced. My shoes have been uncomfortable since my first pregnancy, but I have not had to buy new shoes since then and I kept telling myself it was the weight, not the pregnancies that made my feet grow. I still think it is the weight, and hopefully in 45 lbs, I will again be a size 8 1/2, not 9.

The first piece of Halloween candy to enter through our door, except for the 4 days of unopened candy downstairs, came 27 hours ago and I have only had 1 piece. A snickers. 2 points. I wrote it down. But today my husband and I went to the movie and I had soda and popcorn with lots of butter. And I had 2 helpings of his yummy chicken parm. And pumpkin cheescake ice cream for dessert. But still, only that 1 piece of candy so far.

Weekly Weigh In

Last Week: 195.0
This Week: 193.4
Change: -1.6
Total Loss since 3/25/2010: -22.6 lb
Tota Loss since 1/1/2010: - 28.4 lb

I can't go to my WW meeting today - I am home sick, trying to rest for the weekend. I would have gone had the scale been .6 less because I would have gotten my 25 lb weight. But I really didn't do much this week to warrant a weight loss.

This upcoming week is definitely going to be challenging. I've got a wedding to go to Saturday night, so in addition to the actual wedding, it is a 36 hour trip away from home. Since the ceremony won't be until 6:30 and the cocktail hour starts at 8:00, god knows when we'll actually eat, so I will definitely be bringing some snacks.

And then there is Halloween. My daughter is going trick-or-treating 3 times this holiday. I have definitely been guilty of raiding her bag the last 2 years she's gone. I am gonig to try to be good. I am going to try to  be good. But at the minimum  I am going to track, track, track.

Clothing Sizes Annoyance

I have a wedding to go to this weekend - it is my cousin and my husband is not going, so it is just my parents and me. So I don't really care what I am wearing. I had ordered a dress from JCP, but it just looked horrible on me, so I sent it back. I have a cute polka-dot dress that I just recently started wearing to WW - so I feel a tad bit guilty wearing a dress I would wear to work, to a wedding in New York City.

I went to Kohl's and they had nothing. I don't have time or $ to try Lord & Taylor, so I decided to check out Lane Bryant today just to see what they had.

I brought a little black dress (14/16), a strapless black (16) and a grey sweater dress (14/16) into the dressing room. I try on the little black dress, excited to see if the 14/16 fits me, expecting that I will need to buy my first pair of Spanx in order for it too. But instead it is swimming on me. The other 2 dresses aren't great. So buying the too big 14/16 in my only option. I can't get excited about the tag saying 14/16 when it is huge on me. I was actually wearing a size 18 pair of pants from Lane Bryant that aren't that baggy. I can't wear 18W anymore without them falling to the ground, but LB 18's seem to still fit.

So I bought the dress and I am just not excited about it. But how excited can I be going to a wedding with my parents when I am 40 years old?

Even better...

I ate well all day yesterday and was down even more this morning at 194.0. Woo-hoo!

I took my progress pictures this morning - I hadn't taken them since the end of July and 199 lbs. I've decided I am going to do them every 5 lbs.

I take front, side and back poses in 4 different outfits - jeans/shirt, bathing suit, bra/underwear, sports bra/pants.

Of course looking at the pictures is depressing. I mean I am still obese and will be for another 10 lbs. And looking at the rolls and chub is gross!

But I will just keep moving forward.

Last Week: 197.0
This Week: 195.0

Change: -2

Total Loss Since 3/25/2010: 21 lb

Total Loss Since 1/1/2010: 26.8 lb




I will admit I cheated a little with the weigh-in. If I was being 100% honest I would have put 195.4. That is the weight I was at WW for 3 weeks in a row (and I then skipped 2 weigh-ins because they would have shown a gain). I wasn't sure what the scale would say this morning. When I stepped on it eventually rested on 195.4. I wasn't really paying attention to the other numbers is said, ala Biggest Loser. Sometimes what it rests on is higher than the number before it, sometimes it was smaller. I thought I had seen a glimpse of 196 something, so I wanted to be prepared for maybe not maintaining at WW today. So I did what I rarely ever do, I immediately stepped on the scale again. It said 195.4 and then jumped down and landed on 195.0. So I will take that.




I need about a 2 -2.4 lb loss to get my 25 lb weight at WW. I think I could do that in the next week if I really put my heart and soul into it. We have no plans of going out over the weekend or baking plans or plans for any extravegent dinners. So maybe, maybe I could do it!






But then next weekend I am going to NYC for 1 night to my cousins weekend - so a lot of driving, a wedding, probably a sinful breakfast the next morning. Could be ugly. But I am going to focus on the next week for now. One day at a time.

Thankful for Friday

I so easily could not have gotten out of bed this morning to work out. I had gone to bed  a little later than expected last night, it was raining, it was dark, it was cold (we haven't turned our heat on). But I made myself do it and I am happy I did. Also, I feel like a chest cold is coming on, which in the past would have stopped me from working out, but until I feel horrible, I am going to work out - my lungs actually felt better.

I continue to resist doing anything except walk on the treadmill. I was for 45 minutes and average 2.25 miles. The max I walk at is 3.2 miles per hour. But in my hey-day of working out I did walk on the treadmill at between 3.5 - 4.0 miles per hour. But I need to start doing more - I need to do intervals on the treadmill, or do it at an incline, or start doing videos or the bike. Soon. I keep telling myself. I will do it soon.

But I also didn't do very well at breakfast this morning. For 2 1/2 years I have worked from home on Fridays, but now that I am on new clients, I am not sure if I will be able to. Plus I had to come into work this morning. In the past I haven't had breakfasts from the cafeteria but of weigh-in on Thursday. But since I am here on a Friday I felt compelled to get my breakfast sandwich AND yogurt parfait (vanilla yogurt, granola and strawberries and blueberries). I can't do this every Friday. But I will allow it once a month. I just need to keep on plan for the rest of the day.

Weekly Weigh-In

Last Week: 197.2
This Week: 197.0
Change: -.2
Total Lost since 3/25/2010: 19 lb
Total Lost since 1/1/2010: 24.8 lb

It definitely was not a stellar week at all, except for the last 2 days when I was back on plan.

Plans for this week:
1) No eating out
2) Don't eat birthday cake on Sunday
3) No desserts
4) Work out 3 times
5) Smaller, more healthy dinners

My goal for the week is to get back to 195.4, if not less.

Ditching the scale.....sort of

I am one of those people that need to weigh myself every day to keep myself in check.


I used to weigh myself only if I thought the number would make me happy. If I didn't think I would like the number, I wouldn't weigh myself, and before I knew it I hadn't weighed myself in months and I would have gained 15 pounds. To me, seeing a bad number on the scale made me think that the rest of the day was going to be horrible. So I would skip it.


So on 1/1/2010, after weighing the heaviest I ever had been not related to pregnancy (221.8), I decided I needed to weigh myself every day - the good, the bad and the ugly. And I would track it on an Excel spreadsheet, along with some notes about the day.

This all worked well up until 5 weeks ago when I started working out. You see, I weigh myself at my "lightest" every morning (I apologize for this being a little bit of TMI) and being pretty "regular", I am confident that at 6:30 am, I am going to be the lightest for the day. I don't weigh myself after a shower or any other time during the day - Why would I? I wouldn't be lighter. I am not one of those people that thinks the scale will say happier things after a work out. Why would it - I just drank 24 oz of water during that workout? I have been known to re-weigh myself on the weekends if I am up early with the kids and then 2 hours later if I still haven't eaten or drunk anything and then I go to the bathroom again. I will go upstairs, take off my pjs again, and re-weigh myself.

But on the days I work out, because of the "regularity" I am not at my lightest at 5:30 in the morning. So I decided on the 3-4 times a week that I am supposed to wake up, I won't weigh myself. It is a little easier too, because I have been shleping the scale downstairs each morning so I don't wake up my family by using the bathroom upstairs. So I also had this routine in my head that maybe the scale wasn't saying nice things to me because it was positioned in a different place in my head. The games we play.

But I was actually okay this morning with not weighing myself. The less-than-stellar numbers on workout days were resulting in negative thoughts as I walked on the treadmill - You might think it may be an inspiration to work harder, but no, at 5:30 am I wasn't happy.

So I will weigh-in tomorrow. Another neuroses I have is that on WW day, I do not work out (because that results in drinking water and needing a snack afterwards) and I don't eat anything until after my weigh-in at 11:00 am. I do drink 20 oz of water, but only before 8:30 am.

I am not expecting the weigh-in to go well tomorrow, but I am going to go, no matter what. Like stepping on the scale at home, regardless of what it says, I need to do that with Weight Watchers as well. I didn't go last week with a 2 lb gain. I need to go tomorrow regardless of what it says.

Time to get back on track

I need to get back under control. I HATE this feeling. Just a few short weeks ago I was feeling on top of the world. I hit my 10%. I was so close to my 25 lb weight. But literally within a day, I was spiraling and haven’t been able to recover. I skipped WW last weight because I didn’t want to see the 2 lb gain. And I most likely will skip again this week because it would then be a 3 lb gain. I am teetering on seeing the 200’s again and I don’t want that. I grabbed a size 18W pants this morning instead of the 16W I had gotten myself into.



I know what I need to do:


1) Start tracking again

2) Pick healthier dinners and plan better

3) Drink my water

4) Go to bed on time and get up and work out


I doesn’t sound hard to do. I just need to do it. Today. Not on Thursday when a new WW week starts. Today. Tuesday.


Here it is mid-October and my dream of reaching my goal by Jack’s 2nd birthday have all but disappeared. I don’t want to extend the goal to my 41st birthday because that is too far away. I guess I could extend it to our anniversary. But I also think that deadlines don’t work for me. But I really do need a push. I need to push out of the 190’s, but it seems like a huge leap when the scale said 198.8 this morning, when it had been 195.4 a few weeks ago.

Weekly Weigh-In

Last Week: 195.4
This Week: 197.2
Change: +1.8


I completely expected this - I didn't do anything well this past week and on Monday I already decided I wasn't going to Weight Watchers today. It has been a very stressful week at work, with the risk of losing my job tied in. I haven't been eating myself out of house and home, but I haven't made any smart decisions either. I did wake up on Tuesday to work out, though only walked at 3.0 instead of 3.2. And then the kids were up Tuesday night sick so I didn't have the energy to work out yesterday. And then I stayed up chatting with my husband last night.

But this is a new week. I think I have a job :) So I should be able to have a productive week and at least get back to where I was last week.

Weekly Weigh-in

Last Week's Weight: 196.4
This Week's Weight: 195.4
Change: -1.0
Total Loss since 3/25/2010: -20.6

I am not feeling my usual chipper Thursday morning self. Even though I am where I was 2 weeks ago when I got my 10%, I am not convinced that I will actually stay this same this week at WW. And the fact that I've got quite a few food hurdles coming up in the next week, makes me nervous. I would love to have a loss for next week, but right now I am just concerned about staying the same.

Hurdles for the week:
Thursday dinner - out with a friend - going to drink water, not alcohol, going to have a veggie quesadilla and maybe some wings
Friday lunch - work function - hopefully just a salad with protein
Friday dinner - on the road - probably fast food
Saturday - mid morning - mid afternoon (ie 2 snacks and lunch) - on the road

Hopefully all other meals for the week should be planned.

I will get in my work out on Friday morning but won't be able to do anything probably for the whole weekend - Maybe Sunday night, but I doubt it.

Deck is cleared.....

Next to my treadmill was a big pile of baby stuff that I needed to get rid of. Back in the spring, when I had a brief 2 week jaunt of working out, looking at that pile was a distraction because all I could think of was a big To Do list of getting rid of it.

A month ago, when I started walking again, I decided to take the pile and put it in the middle of my basement for 2 reasons: 1) As a reminder I had to get rid of it and 2) Blocking all other means of working out other than the treadmill so I could start more slowly and get into the swing of things, instead of jumping to the bike or the Step on Day 2. Doing this would have probably resulted in me hurting myself and also not getting used to the idea of getting up at the crack of dawn to work out.

A month later the pile is gone and I think I am getting ready to mix it up with my work outs. I will continue to walk on the treadmill, maybe in 3-4 days a week, but the other day I'll do something different. I have a lot of choose from: Bike with 2 videos, Step with 2 videos, various Richard Simmons videos, kick boxing videos. And Jillian's 30 Day Shred is on it's way.

I am going to make sure I don't overdue it, because I would hate to have to stop working out. Watching The Biggest Loser last night, I cringed at how much they were jumping on their huge bodies - My knees just hurt watching them.

In addition to different kinds of cardio, I can not wait to pick up a hand-weight. I miss lifting weights. I miss being strong! Paddling a canoe a month ago gave me such a high! I can't wait to be at that high place again.

24 hours off program....

I have been back on since 6:30 this morning.

Yesterday afternoon we had a social event at work - at 3:00 pm. After having my snack, I mindlessly had a complete lunch - alcoholic beverage, cheeseburger, pasta salad and chocolate chip cookie. Then had a late dinner, complete with 2 servings of my husband's yummy chicken parm and pasta.

And then I proceeded to stay up until 11:30 watching DVRed shows. And thus I didn't wake up to work out this morning. But it will NOT be a habit. It was just the season premiere of too many shows. Going forward I WILL go to sleep by 10:30. TV is NOT than important.

But I did well at the grocery store. And I ate breakfast before I went. And have been eating my usual food today, even though I am home.

WW is back on

We got the 15 people we needed to sign up again at work. Thank god! I really didn't want to have to go to a center. I found myself being the one who answered almost all of the newcomers questions. I know working at WW is a part-time gig and I will always need a job that provides more hours and income. But I would absolutely love to work there someday. Or quit my job, go back to school, and become a Nutritionist. But that isn't going to happen. But I could talk about weight-loss all day long.

Weekly Weigh-In

Last Week: 195.4
This Week: 196.4
Change: +1.0
Total Lost: 19.6

I was expecting the gain after my 4 day mini-binge/non-tracking period last Friday - Monday. But the damage could have been a whole lot worse.

This week I am hoping to get down to 194.0. But with PMS coming up I'll have to work extra hard. But I can do it.

Today we find out if WW At Work is renewed for another session. I am thinking it is highly unlikely. So then I will be stuck going to a center at lunch time on Thursdays. I've never gone consistently to a center. I like it so much more when your Leader is weighing you in and the group is small and full of people you know. But I will force myself to go to the center because this past week, knowing I wouldn't have to get weighed in, was proof of what happens when I am not accountable to anyone.

This past week has also shown how quickly I can go from feeling great about myself, to not feeling so good. I was tempted to grab the 18W pants this morning and not the 16W, but I didn't. The smaller pants do make me feel better.

Here is to a good week!

The Biggest Loser

While I can't work out while the show is actually on, this will be the first season where I wake up the next morning and work out. This will be the first season where I will weigh less at the finale than I did at the premiere. While I was 199.0 this morning, I probably am more like 196. I would like to be 184 by the finale. That is the same weight I was when I got married.

Back on the wagon

Pretty much as soon as I last posted on Friday, things slid downhill very quickly. I made the mistake of going to the grocery store on an empty stomach. Quick meals of Pad Thai called my name as I was planning on making it from scratch this week. So I had 2, yes 2, different ones for breakfast, yes breakfast. They were 8 and 10 points each! Then I figured that was it, I would be okay for the rest of the day. Not. Munching here and there lasted all weekend. And we went to one of my favorite tex-mex restaurants and I was starving.

So when I stepped on the scale on Monday it said 198.8! And Monday was a crazy day at work so for the first time in months I ate off schedule and bought breakfast. And I munched like crazy when I got home and was making dinner. So this morning it said 199.0!

But the good news was I forced myself to bed at 10:45 (15 minutes later than I would have liked) and woke up to walk on the treadmill - 45 minutes, 3.0 max, 2.25 miles.

Weekly Weigh-In - 10%

Previous Weight: 197.8
Current Weight: 195.4
Change: -2.4
Total Loss: -20.6

I finally got my 10% at our last At Work meeting this week. Hopefully we'll get 15 people to join again, but I doubt we will, so I will have to join a meeting at a center.

I was feeling on top of the world, but then this morning I had my first binge in I don't know how long - months? I made the mistake of going to the grocery store hungry. I wanted to eat the crap I bought as soon as I got home, so it is gone and hopefully the rest of the week will be okay.

I did get up and walk on the treadmill again this morning - It was the first time my alarm actually woke me up. But I did it.