The year is over, thank goodness!

Last New Year's Eve was one of lots of unknowns - where and if my husband would get a job. Would we be able to move and if so, what would the house look like. The idea of where we would move never crossed our minds, yet we moved to a completely different town (so much better) where we could afford a better house. Best decision ever!

Reading last year's post, I was reminded of the things I hoped would happen...

--I started out the year with a 5K

--My husband got a great job

--We moved

--My daughter stopped wearing pull-ups at night and she did learn to swim

--The binkie fairy came on my son's 3rd birthday and we haven't had much of a fuss; he became pee day-trained in October - we are working on the pooping and the night training - he says it will happen on his 4th birthday; and we are 90% sure he is right-handed, not left-handed like we originally though

--We did make it to Storyland, and New Hampshire, and Vermont, and Florida


And things that didn't...
-Obviously our health took a big turn for the worse, in terms of lack of exercise and gaining weight. Though my husband did quit smoking - it's been almost 7 months!

--We didn't eat healthier or cleaner and definitely not less, which resulted in a 22+ weight gain for me (on top of the huge gain in 2011) which leaves me at 15 lb above my highest non-pregnancy weight

--I moved for the first 1 month, 5 days, and then the rest of the year was dedicated to physically moving our house.

--Patience did not happen either - mainly due to the move - I just don't do well when I don't have control of my environment or when it is a new environment

--We weren't really wise with our money either - we spent a lot on house stuff and had extra money left over which we didn't save as much as we could have

--And finally, not all of our family continued to have their health - shortly after the New Year my mother-in-law was diagnosed with lung cancer and while she was fighting that, she passed from a different, agressive form of cancer in November.


2013
I don't like to call them resolutions - more like guidelines, or goals

--Live life - no moving, no vacations to plan, no research of things - play with the toys and games we have; craft crafts with all the stuff we have; make the recipes I've cut out; watch the movies I love; play outside; playside; go camping; explore the woods; take day trips; take weekend trips - just be!

--Less time on-line

--Eat healthy, less, more variety

--Move my body - inside, outside, for fun

--Live on a budget

--Have more patience with my kids and my husband

--Pray we don't lose another parent this year

--Blog a lot more - I barely made 40 posts this year! I want to make at least 250-300!


Happy 2013!

Okay, so I lied.....

The last couple of days of eating haven't gone that well and the scale as said some really shocking things.

Wednesday I went to work - one of the few people there - and was fine. I left early, around 3:30 and picked up my son. My daughter was at my parents for the night. We had no dinner plans - originally my husband had suggested going out, but since we got home at 4:00, we were comfy and settled by the time her got home and didn't want to go out. We didn't have a ton of food in the house so I just scrounged and picked and ate crap.

Today was a slushy, wet mess so I decided to not take my son to school and I worked from home. Again, the eating was far from stellar.

I was on an end-of-the-year organizational spree and totally organized the kitchen, and made a long list for the grocery store so we can completely stock up.

My water has been really lacking lately which isn't helping. I am completely bloated and dehydrated. But I WILL be going to my meeting on Saturday morning, no matter what. The gain will be extraordinary, but it will come off quickly.

4 days of eating are done!

It felt so good to throw so much crap into the trash and bring it to the curb with all the wrapping paper! I can not wait to get back to normal, as I sit here at work eating my normal work breakfast.

I am not used to eating a lot of crap, so I physically feel ill from it all.

Saturday dinner was out for Thai food - lots of fried appetizers, Pad Thai, fried rice, a few yummy drinks.

Sunday breakfast was banana bread and egg nog, dinner was what is now become an annual tradition - I call it the Winter Solstice celebration, but we do it on December 23rd - I cook latkes and tons of appetizers.We also made a bunch more Christmas cookies.

Monday was our Christmas breakfast (so we don't have to do it actually on Christmas) with french toast, and bacon and eggs and fruit salad and egg nog. Christmas Eve was appetizers,beef tenderloin,twice baked potatoes, popovers,peas, chocolate crepes and lots of red wine.

Tuesday was more banana bread and egg nog, and lasagna with salad and garlic bread for dinner.

Since today was trash day, I told my husband to keep whatever cookies he wanted and we dumped the rest. Wasteful yes, but there is no price too high to losing weight (safely).

The only splurges I anticipate before New Year's is hopefully going out to a nice restaurant with my husband Saturday night and then a big dinner on New Year's Eve. I love cheese fondue and for the last 15 years I have made it on New Year's Eve. And then some other chocolate insanity for dessert (and other things for dinner as well). But other than that I plan on normal eating, and cleaning out the pantry this weekend and filling it up with all sorts of healthy foods.

Weekly Weigh-in #4

Starting Weight (12/1/2012): 232.2
Last Week: 230.0
Current Weight: 229.2
Change Since Last Week: -.8
Total Change: -3.0
Height: 5'6"
Goal: 149

Back to where I was 2 weeks ago - I am okay with that.

Off to commence my 4 days of treats but practicing moderation, drinking lots of water, and maybe getting in a little exercise.

I am participating in ActiveLink, which is essentially an activity monitor you wear. The past week has been my assessment period, so starting Monday is the "real deal" I have a 12-week challenge to increase my activity points per day. The ways I am going to do this are:
1) Do C25K again
2) Set a timer on my phone so several times during the work week I take a 5 minute walk

Another week gone!

Wow, I hadn't realized that I hadn't written at all since last Saturday's weigh-in. The week has flown by, but also dragged. Thankfully it is Friday and a 4 day weekend.

I really don't know what to expect tomorrow morning. I don't think I will have gained, but not sure if I will lose either.

The first half of the week was kind of rough - more nibbling on goodies I made. Sunday I had my parents over for dinner for a holiday Chinese dinner (1/2 made from scratch, 1/2 frozen appetizers). The scale the next morning was scary due to all the sodium.

Monday morning I had to get up at 3 am for a work thing with India and I never really went back to sleep. After dropping off the kids I lay in bed for an hour, but found myself watching tv. I ate surprisingly well during the day despite being home and being exhausted. But Monday night was Welsh Rarebit - a holiday favorite - cheese and sodim. Another scary day on the scale.

Wednesday I brought a ton of goodies from home - packaged stuff I didn't want around to be tempted by.

I've been trying to be pretty good anticipating weigh-in. Though I did have 2 pieces of pizza for dinner, so who knows what the scale will say in the morning.

The next 4 days will be pretty feasty:
-Out to Thai food
-More baking
-A huge holiday breakfast Sunday (no way we can do it on Christmas with such small kids)
-Latkes and appetizers Sunday night
-Christmas Eve dinner (our real Christmas meal)- appetizer, beef tenderloin, yorkshire pudding, wine, potatoes, some vegetable, not sure what my mom is making for dessert
-Christmas breakfast of banana bread, blueberry coffee cake, egg nog, fruit salad
-Christmas dinner - lasagna, garlic bread, salad, Christmas cookies

But Wednesday-Saturday lunch I should be okay!

All in moderation and I am going to enjoy the holiday in our new home.

Weekly Weigh-in #3

Starting Weight (12/1/2012): 232.2
Last Week: 229.4
Current Weight: 230.0
Change Since Last Week: +.6
Total Change: -2.2
Height: 5'6"
Goal: 149

As I wrote yesterday, I knew it was going to be a gain. My gain at WW was a full pound (the difference in scales is usually 1.2 - 1.6 lb).

This was the first meeting at the new store, at an earlier time, so I had to get up earlier that I would even during the week. But it was so worth it! I stayed after for the Power Spaces session. I think I said last week that I really like my teacher because her total weight loss is the total amount I would like to lose.

When I got home I finally pulled out all the materials I got and bought last week. In baby steps I will really come up with a plan that works for me.

I headed home, ate breakfast and then went grocery shopping. Then I worked out! I got on the treadmill for the first time since January. I started with W3D1 of C25K, but found it a little easy, so in the middle found myself jogging for 10 minutes! And then walking the final 10 minutes. I don't want to push myself too much though. The first time I tried C25K in June 2011 I got plantar fasciitis. Even now sitting here I feel a little tenderness in my heel. Tomorrow I am hoping to walk a 5K outside with my 6 year old.

We also joined the Y! I am so excited to be close to one - actually 3! I knew I wanted the kids to take swimming lessons. I was hesitant about us joining, but right now the sign up is free, so I figured we would try it for the winter, plus you can freeze your account for 3 months per calendar year. So we are all signed up and the kids start swim lessons in ealy January.

Preparing for a gain....

News of Newton, Connecticut sent me straight to the butterscotch cookies. I felt completely out of control being at home and watching everything unfold on TV. I knew as I was doing it that the butterscotch cookies weren't going to help long term.

But I will get up early and go to my meeting and start another week, because I am worth it!

Struggling to maintain....

After my couple of splurgy days earlier in the week, and I am struggling to end up this week with a maintain. Seeing that it is December, I really am okay with maintaining, even if will only be my 3rd weigh-in. That is the main reason I joined WW in December was to maintain, not gain during the holidays.

I write all this staring at a plate of chocolate kiss cookies someone brought into work....into the conference room I work in all day!

I need to blog daily during this time!

3 days without blogging = 3 days of less than stellar eating.

At the holiday party Saturday I had some wine, quite a few latkes with applesauce, some chocolate pudding, and a little of other random dip and appetizers.

Sunday was a hectic day with getting and putting up our tree. Before I went I made gingerbread butterscotch cookies as a request from my husband, and pretzel/hersey kiss/M&M treats. There were a few licks and nibbles as I was cookiing. I made sure I had a PB&J sandwich before we went to the farm,  but the rest of the day was kind of a frenzied free-for-all with not a lot of distinctive meals.

Monday I was good all day at work. For dinner I made turkey tacos with vegetables. I had flaxseed tortillas and low-fat cheese and sour cream. Though I did have 2 of them. But all.night.long I was eating pretzel/chocolates treats - like a ton of them! Completely out of control. Salty and sugar combined treats should be banned in my house.

Today I decided at the last minte to work from home. A challenge yes, but a challenge none the less. My husband is out tonight at his company party, so we won't have an organized dinner, but I will try to eat a small, healthy meal for myself.

Weekly Weigh-in #2

Starting Weight (12/1/2012): 232.2
Last Week: 232.2
Current Weight: 229.4
Change Since Last Week: -2.8
Total Change: -2.8
Height: 5'6"
Goal: 149

Today I was up and early for my WW meeting. Down 3 at the Center (above are my at home weights).

Turns out the center I chose is closing and a brand-new store/open all day is opening on Monday AND the meeting there is changing from 7:30 to 7:00. So further away, earlier, and not right near my weekend stores (BJs, Home Depot/Lowes Target, grocery store). Those stores are still kind of in a round-about way on my way home from the center, but I would have to wait for them to open. But I will take it - Maybe it will be better for my wallet!

We learned about the changes to the program and I bought a ton of stuff to help me out.

When I got home my daughter was in tears because she thought I had gone on a walk without her. Tomorrow morning I am planning on walking the 5K route I mapped out last weekend and I will bring her with me. She wants to start running as well - maybe by the fall she can join 1 mile kid runs.

Off to make the appetizers for the holiday party we are going to and to think about my strategy of what to eat prior to leaving for the party.

Friday check-in

It is so foreign to me to not be doing weigh-ins on Thursday or Fridays - in all the years I've done weight loss, I've always weighed in on Thursday or Friday so I would have the whole weekend to "splurge". I am loving Saturday because it keeps me accountable on Fridays.

Today is my work at home day and a day that is easy to be "off-plan". But the scale was so beautiful this morning, that I am huge incentives to stick to my normal at-work meals while at home. If this keeps up I will have a huge 1st week loss tomorrow.

I had a couple of challenges this week:

Wednesday I worked from home as my daughter had early release. She was home for lunch, so I split a box of macaroni and cheese with her - but gave her a lot of it :) We made our annual pre-tree-decorating batch of Chex Mix and I only had a couple of nibbles. For dinner I made one of my childhood favorite meals - chicken enchiladas, homemade rice pilaf, green beans. I made mine with flax tortillas and didn't put extra cheese on top. I only had 1 and took the second for lunch the next day. I only had 1 serving of rice pilaf (I love it so much I literally could eat the whole casserole dish). I did have some avacado on top.

Thursday I brought the leftovers for lunch which had me nervous because I don't know how many points it was. Thursday is the day I leave early to bring my daughter to gymnastics. Last week I was really good and ate my snack in the car, but I didn't get a chance yesterday so I was starving when I got home. My husband had made pasta bake with sausage. I did have a small second helping. We had run out of homemade italian dressing, so he had pulled out the bottled ranch for each of us to put on our own. I grabbed the light ranch out and tried to go easy on it.

This weekend we have a holiday party Saturday afternoon. I am bringing 2 dishes - cucumber cups, and 5 layer greek dip. But the party is from 2-6, so really that isn't a meal time. But it is a Latkefest. Honestly, I haven't really thought of my game plan yet. Probably will drink water (maybe 1 glass of white). I will have something to eat before we go so I am not starving when we get there. And I won't stand near the food table.

The pains of being obese

As I’ve said before, as of 10 days ago I was 15 lbs over my heaviest non-pregnant weight. I was 5 lbs over what I weighed 9 months pregnant with my son (but 13 lbs less than I was 9 months pregnant with my daughter). And I have definitely felt the aches and pains, both physically and psychologically, of being obese that I never had before.

My feet – I can tell that I am walking out the outside of my feet. I hate shoes – I hate them with a passion. But I no longer feel like I can go barefoot, like ever. I’ve resorted to wearing Crocs instead of flip-flops because they are so comfortable! Even before I put all the weight back on, I had a mild case of plantar fasciitis so I was wearing Crocs then too, but not all the time. I can’t wait to go barefoot again.

A month ago we went on a plane ride and for one of the 4 legs we had on the trip, I thought for a moment I was going to have to ask for an extender. That would have been mortifying. The other 3 legs were better, but I can’t wait to have a nice long extra piece on my buckle. And during the trip I had to take my 3 year old to the bathroom and I felt so clausterphobic in there with both him and me.

We moved into a new house over the summer and the toilet seats are tiny. The house is only 12 years old, but the previous owners who built the house were both petite and they put in these tiny little toilets with these really wide seats (which helps my potty-training 3 year old a lot!) but they make me feel just that much bigger.

When I lot 35 lbs in 2010 I of course through away all my size 18W and Size 18. I was almost in a 14, but hadn’t thrown away the 16s yet (or the 16Ws I think). I have since had to rebuy 18W and even 20W (they are pretty baggy though). I bought a few 1X shirts, though I am swimming in them, because my XLs were feeling a little snug and revealing my tummy. I can’t button any of my coats (of course I got rid of my 1X winter coat I used when pregnant) but I refuse to buy new ones.

I can’t remember the last time I took my engagement ring off. I could probably get it off with soap and water. I start having anxiety attacks if I try to take it off and I can’t, so now I just don’t try to.

But all of that is going to change. My mini-sh goal is to have lost 15 lbs from today, by 3/25/2013. Then I would be exactly where I started 3 years prior when I started my 35 lb loss. Of course I hope I am less than 216 by then, but I am horrible at setting goals and meeting them. I do much, much butter just taking it as it comes off. Goals put too much pressure on me.

I survived my first weekend....

Weekends are definitely harder and longer when you are trying to lose weight...and it is the holidays!

Saturday night my husband wanted to go out to eat to celebrate his 6 month anniversary of quitting smoking - yeah him! He chose to go to a Japanese steakhouse. Prior to that we had the tree lighting in our town,so I knew we would be not eating until late. As a pre-event snack, I had 2 hardboiled eggs, with little mayo, mustard,pepper and scallions on a flaxseed rollup. Yummy! For dinner I didn't have anything alcoholic and I ordered chicken instead of steak. I did eat my son's soup, but that is really just sodium. I ate everybit of my food (but I ate it slowly since I was eating with chopsticks - I seriously considered eating every dinner like that!). I so badly wanted some of his rice and veggies. I wanted them really badly, but I didn't. I had had enough.

I really did have good intentions of walking outside Sunday morning. It had snowed a little on Saturday, but was supposed to be beautiful on Sunday. But we all slept a little later than we expected. My husband was going to take the kids for a few hours to do errands, and honestly, I didn't want to take an hour of those 3 hours to walk. BUT as part of my errands I did map out a 5K around my neighborhood, so maybe next weekend. I do plan on getting up this week to walk/job on the treadmill.

After a few errands, the day was spent inside puttering around, some decorating, organizing, and the such. I managed to stay away from my husband's open bag of spicy potato chips except for 1. So often yesterday I found myself about to just aimlessly put stuff in my mouth. That is why I love Weight Watchers - accountability that is a little voice that tells me no.

Dinner was a little bit more indulgent. My husband made this creamcheese stuffed jalepenos wrapped in bacon on the grill - yummy! And we had 4 chocolate turkeys left over so we all got 1, though I only ate the mini reeses cup and part of the 2 Oreos.

On to another week. I need go buy Vitatops, since I forgot them at the store, because they are important part of my afternoon snack and I don't have a good substitue yet.

I also am going to make our list of what treats (and crafts) we'll be making this holiday season, so it will help me prepare.

Weigh In #1

December 1, 2012
Starting Weight (12/1/2012): 232.2
Current Weight: 232.2
Total Change: Just starting out
Height: 5'6"
Goal: 149

(The weights above are my home weights, which are usually about 1.5 lb less than at WW)

My alarm went off at the normal time of 6:30 even though it was Saturday, to go to my first meeting. I have always done meetings at work in the past so it was different to be at a center. It felt great to be up and out so early in the morning. I wore yoga capris, sports bra, tech shirt, tech warm up coat (that was removed for the weigh-in). The meeting was probably about 30-40 people - a mix of all different types. I am excited to learn about the changes to the program next week.

After I shopped at Target and didn't buy any junk, then went home for breakfast before going grocery shopping - nothing worse than going grocery shopping hungry!

It is snowing out and we are slowly decorating the house. Me and my 6 year old daughter finished up a "craft" from Thanksgiving - turkeys made out of oreos, woppers and mini reeses and to a lick from me!

And for lunch I made them macaroni and cheese - usually I give them a kid's bowl full and then eat the rest myself. I made me my normal workday lunch, and when they finished I did have one bite off the spoon. Yep, it was a small bit, but it was enough to satisfy me.

I made up a calendar of meals for the whole month of December - we do have most of our comfort foods during this time - it will be a challenge to make the meals healthier and eat less than I normally would. But it is a challenge I will take on.

I still need to make up the list of the baking/cookies that we will do this season. I don't tend to eat a lot of the cookies once they are cookies, but I am notorious at eating batter (especially rolled out gingerbread!) so I will have to be conscious of that.