The year is over, thank goodness!

Last New Year's Eve was one of lots of unknowns - where and if my husband would get a job. Would we be able to move and if so, what would the house look like. The idea of where we would move never crossed our minds, yet we moved to a completely different town (so much better) where we could afford a better house. Best decision ever!

Reading last year's post, I was reminded of the things I hoped would happen...

--I started out the year with a 5K

--My husband got a great job

--We moved

--My daughter stopped wearing pull-ups at night and she did learn to swim

--The binkie fairy came on my son's 3rd birthday and we haven't had much of a fuss; he became pee day-trained in October - we are working on the pooping and the night training - he says it will happen on his 4th birthday; and we are 90% sure he is right-handed, not left-handed like we originally though

--We did make it to Storyland, and New Hampshire, and Vermont, and Florida


And things that didn't...
-Obviously our health took a big turn for the worse, in terms of lack of exercise and gaining weight. Though my husband did quit smoking - it's been almost 7 months!

--We didn't eat healthier or cleaner and definitely not less, which resulted in a 22+ weight gain for me (on top of the huge gain in 2011) which leaves me at 15 lb above my highest non-pregnancy weight

--I moved for the first 1 month, 5 days, and then the rest of the year was dedicated to physically moving our house.

--Patience did not happen either - mainly due to the move - I just don't do well when I don't have control of my environment or when it is a new environment

--We weren't really wise with our money either - we spent a lot on house stuff and had extra money left over which we didn't save as much as we could have

--And finally, not all of our family continued to have their health - shortly after the New Year my mother-in-law was diagnosed with lung cancer and while she was fighting that, she passed from a different, agressive form of cancer in November.


2013
I don't like to call them resolutions - more like guidelines, or goals

--Live life - no moving, no vacations to plan, no research of things - play with the toys and games we have; craft crafts with all the stuff we have; make the recipes I've cut out; watch the movies I love; play outside; playside; go camping; explore the woods; take day trips; take weekend trips - just be!

--Less time on-line

--Eat healthy, less, more variety

--Move my body - inside, outside, for fun

--Live on a budget

--Have more patience with my kids and my husband

--Pray we don't lose another parent this year

--Blog a lot more - I barely made 40 posts this year! I want to make at least 250-300!


Happy 2013!

Okay, so I lied.....

The last couple of days of eating haven't gone that well and the scale as said some really shocking things.

Wednesday I went to work - one of the few people there - and was fine. I left early, around 3:30 and picked up my son. My daughter was at my parents for the night. We had no dinner plans - originally my husband had suggested going out, but since we got home at 4:00, we were comfy and settled by the time her got home and didn't want to go out. We didn't have a ton of food in the house so I just scrounged and picked and ate crap.

Today was a slushy, wet mess so I decided to not take my son to school and I worked from home. Again, the eating was far from stellar.

I was on an end-of-the-year organizational spree and totally organized the kitchen, and made a long list for the grocery store so we can completely stock up.

My water has been really lacking lately which isn't helping. I am completely bloated and dehydrated. But I WILL be going to my meeting on Saturday morning, no matter what. The gain will be extraordinary, but it will come off quickly.

4 days of eating are done!

It felt so good to throw so much crap into the trash and bring it to the curb with all the wrapping paper! I can not wait to get back to normal, as I sit here at work eating my normal work breakfast.

I am not used to eating a lot of crap, so I physically feel ill from it all.

Saturday dinner was out for Thai food - lots of fried appetizers, Pad Thai, fried rice, a few yummy drinks.

Sunday breakfast was banana bread and egg nog, dinner was what is now become an annual tradition - I call it the Winter Solstice celebration, but we do it on December 23rd - I cook latkes and tons of appetizers.We also made a bunch more Christmas cookies.

Monday was our Christmas breakfast (so we don't have to do it actually on Christmas) with french toast, and bacon and eggs and fruit salad and egg nog. Christmas Eve was appetizers,beef tenderloin,twice baked potatoes, popovers,peas, chocolate crepes and lots of red wine.

Tuesday was more banana bread and egg nog, and lasagna with salad and garlic bread for dinner.

Since today was trash day, I told my husband to keep whatever cookies he wanted and we dumped the rest. Wasteful yes, but there is no price too high to losing weight (safely).

The only splurges I anticipate before New Year's is hopefully going out to a nice restaurant with my husband Saturday night and then a big dinner on New Year's Eve. I love cheese fondue and for the last 15 years I have made it on New Year's Eve. And then some other chocolate insanity for dessert (and other things for dinner as well). But other than that I plan on normal eating, and cleaning out the pantry this weekend and filling it up with all sorts of healthy foods.

Weekly Weigh-in #4

Starting Weight (12/1/2012): 232.2
Last Week: 230.0
Current Weight: 229.2
Change Since Last Week: -.8
Total Change: -3.0
Height: 5'6"
Goal: 149

Back to where I was 2 weeks ago - I am okay with that.

Off to commence my 4 days of treats but practicing moderation, drinking lots of water, and maybe getting in a little exercise.

I am participating in ActiveLink, which is essentially an activity monitor you wear. The past week has been my assessment period, so starting Monday is the "real deal" I have a 12-week challenge to increase my activity points per day. The ways I am going to do this are:
1) Do C25K again
2) Set a timer on my phone so several times during the work week I take a 5 minute walk

Another week gone!

Wow, I hadn't realized that I hadn't written at all since last Saturday's weigh-in. The week has flown by, but also dragged. Thankfully it is Friday and a 4 day weekend.

I really don't know what to expect tomorrow morning. I don't think I will have gained, but not sure if I will lose either.

The first half of the week was kind of rough - more nibbling on goodies I made. Sunday I had my parents over for dinner for a holiday Chinese dinner (1/2 made from scratch, 1/2 frozen appetizers). The scale the next morning was scary due to all the sodium.

Monday morning I had to get up at 3 am for a work thing with India and I never really went back to sleep. After dropping off the kids I lay in bed for an hour, but found myself watching tv. I ate surprisingly well during the day despite being home and being exhausted. But Monday night was Welsh Rarebit - a holiday favorite - cheese and sodim. Another scary day on the scale.

Wednesday I brought a ton of goodies from home - packaged stuff I didn't want around to be tempted by.

I've been trying to be pretty good anticipating weigh-in. Though I did have 2 pieces of pizza for dinner, so who knows what the scale will say in the morning.

The next 4 days will be pretty feasty:
-Out to Thai food
-More baking
-A huge holiday breakfast Sunday (no way we can do it on Christmas with such small kids)
-Latkes and appetizers Sunday night
-Christmas Eve dinner (our real Christmas meal)- appetizer, beef tenderloin, yorkshire pudding, wine, potatoes, some vegetable, not sure what my mom is making for dessert
-Christmas breakfast of banana bread, blueberry coffee cake, egg nog, fruit salad
-Christmas dinner - lasagna, garlic bread, salad, Christmas cookies

But Wednesday-Saturday lunch I should be okay!

All in moderation and I am going to enjoy the holiday in our new home.

Weekly Weigh-in #3

Starting Weight (12/1/2012): 232.2
Last Week: 229.4
Current Weight: 230.0
Change Since Last Week: +.6
Total Change: -2.2
Height: 5'6"
Goal: 149

As I wrote yesterday, I knew it was going to be a gain. My gain at WW was a full pound (the difference in scales is usually 1.2 - 1.6 lb).

This was the first meeting at the new store, at an earlier time, so I had to get up earlier that I would even during the week. But it was so worth it! I stayed after for the Power Spaces session. I think I said last week that I really like my teacher because her total weight loss is the total amount I would like to lose.

When I got home I finally pulled out all the materials I got and bought last week. In baby steps I will really come up with a plan that works for me.

I headed home, ate breakfast and then went grocery shopping. Then I worked out! I got on the treadmill for the first time since January. I started with W3D1 of C25K, but found it a little easy, so in the middle found myself jogging for 10 minutes! And then walking the final 10 minutes. I don't want to push myself too much though. The first time I tried C25K in June 2011 I got plantar fasciitis. Even now sitting here I feel a little tenderness in my heel. Tomorrow I am hoping to walk a 5K outside with my 6 year old.

We also joined the Y! I am so excited to be close to one - actually 3! I knew I wanted the kids to take swimming lessons. I was hesitant about us joining, but right now the sign up is free, so I figured we would try it for the winter, plus you can freeze your account for 3 months per calendar year. So we are all signed up and the kids start swim lessons in ealy January.

Preparing for a gain....

News of Newton, Connecticut sent me straight to the butterscotch cookies. I felt completely out of control being at home and watching everything unfold on TV. I knew as I was doing it that the butterscotch cookies weren't going to help long term.

But I will get up early and go to my meeting and start another week, because I am worth it!

Struggling to maintain....

After my couple of splurgy days earlier in the week, and I am struggling to end up this week with a maintain. Seeing that it is December, I really am okay with maintaining, even if will only be my 3rd weigh-in. That is the main reason I joined WW in December was to maintain, not gain during the holidays.

I write all this staring at a plate of chocolate kiss cookies someone brought into work....into the conference room I work in all day!

I need to blog daily during this time!

3 days without blogging = 3 days of less than stellar eating.

At the holiday party Saturday I had some wine, quite a few latkes with applesauce, some chocolate pudding, and a little of other random dip and appetizers.

Sunday was a hectic day with getting and putting up our tree. Before I went I made gingerbread butterscotch cookies as a request from my husband, and pretzel/hersey kiss/M&M treats. There were a few licks and nibbles as I was cookiing. I made sure I had a PB&J sandwich before we went to the farm,  but the rest of the day was kind of a frenzied free-for-all with not a lot of distinctive meals.

Monday I was good all day at work. For dinner I made turkey tacos with vegetables. I had flaxseed tortillas and low-fat cheese and sour cream. Though I did have 2 of them. But all.night.long I was eating pretzel/chocolates treats - like a ton of them! Completely out of control. Salty and sugar combined treats should be banned in my house.

Today I decided at the last minte to work from home. A challenge yes, but a challenge none the less. My husband is out tonight at his company party, so we won't have an organized dinner, but I will try to eat a small, healthy meal for myself.

Weekly Weigh-in #2

Starting Weight (12/1/2012): 232.2
Last Week: 232.2
Current Weight: 229.4
Change Since Last Week: -2.8
Total Change: -2.8
Height: 5'6"
Goal: 149

Today I was up and early for my WW meeting. Down 3 at the Center (above are my at home weights).

Turns out the center I chose is closing and a brand-new store/open all day is opening on Monday AND the meeting there is changing from 7:30 to 7:00. So further away, earlier, and not right near my weekend stores (BJs, Home Depot/Lowes Target, grocery store). Those stores are still kind of in a round-about way on my way home from the center, but I would have to wait for them to open. But I will take it - Maybe it will be better for my wallet!

We learned about the changes to the program and I bought a ton of stuff to help me out.

When I got home my daughter was in tears because she thought I had gone on a walk without her. Tomorrow morning I am planning on walking the 5K route I mapped out last weekend and I will bring her with me. She wants to start running as well - maybe by the fall she can join 1 mile kid runs.

Off to make the appetizers for the holiday party we are going to and to think about my strategy of what to eat prior to leaving for the party.

Friday check-in

It is so foreign to me to not be doing weigh-ins on Thursday or Fridays - in all the years I've done weight loss, I've always weighed in on Thursday or Friday so I would have the whole weekend to "splurge". I am loving Saturday because it keeps me accountable on Fridays.

Today is my work at home day and a day that is easy to be "off-plan". But the scale was so beautiful this morning, that I am huge incentives to stick to my normal at-work meals while at home. If this keeps up I will have a huge 1st week loss tomorrow.

I had a couple of challenges this week:

Wednesday I worked from home as my daughter had early release. She was home for lunch, so I split a box of macaroni and cheese with her - but gave her a lot of it :) We made our annual pre-tree-decorating batch of Chex Mix and I only had a couple of nibbles. For dinner I made one of my childhood favorite meals - chicken enchiladas, homemade rice pilaf, green beans. I made mine with flax tortillas and didn't put extra cheese on top. I only had 1 and took the second for lunch the next day. I only had 1 serving of rice pilaf (I love it so much I literally could eat the whole casserole dish). I did have some avacado on top.

Thursday I brought the leftovers for lunch which had me nervous because I don't know how many points it was. Thursday is the day I leave early to bring my daughter to gymnastics. Last week I was really good and ate my snack in the car, but I didn't get a chance yesterday so I was starving when I got home. My husband had made pasta bake with sausage. I did have a small second helping. We had run out of homemade italian dressing, so he had pulled out the bottled ranch for each of us to put on our own. I grabbed the light ranch out and tried to go easy on it.

This weekend we have a holiday party Saturday afternoon. I am bringing 2 dishes - cucumber cups, and 5 layer greek dip. But the party is from 2-6, so really that isn't a meal time. But it is a Latkefest. Honestly, I haven't really thought of my game plan yet. Probably will drink water (maybe 1 glass of white). I will have something to eat before we go so I am not starving when we get there. And I won't stand near the food table.

The pains of being obese

As I’ve said before, as of 10 days ago I was 15 lbs over my heaviest non-pregnant weight. I was 5 lbs over what I weighed 9 months pregnant with my son (but 13 lbs less than I was 9 months pregnant with my daughter). And I have definitely felt the aches and pains, both physically and psychologically, of being obese that I never had before.

My feet – I can tell that I am walking out the outside of my feet. I hate shoes – I hate them with a passion. But I no longer feel like I can go barefoot, like ever. I’ve resorted to wearing Crocs instead of flip-flops because they are so comfortable! Even before I put all the weight back on, I had a mild case of plantar fasciitis so I was wearing Crocs then too, but not all the time. I can’t wait to go barefoot again.

A month ago we went on a plane ride and for one of the 4 legs we had on the trip, I thought for a moment I was going to have to ask for an extender. That would have been mortifying. The other 3 legs were better, but I can’t wait to have a nice long extra piece on my buckle. And during the trip I had to take my 3 year old to the bathroom and I felt so clausterphobic in there with both him and me.

We moved into a new house over the summer and the toilet seats are tiny. The house is only 12 years old, but the previous owners who built the house were both petite and they put in these tiny little toilets with these really wide seats (which helps my potty-training 3 year old a lot!) but they make me feel just that much bigger.

When I lot 35 lbs in 2010 I of course through away all my size 18W and Size 18. I was almost in a 14, but hadn’t thrown away the 16s yet (or the 16Ws I think). I have since had to rebuy 18W and even 20W (they are pretty baggy though). I bought a few 1X shirts, though I am swimming in them, because my XLs were feeling a little snug and revealing my tummy. I can’t button any of my coats (of course I got rid of my 1X winter coat I used when pregnant) but I refuse to buy new ones.

I can’t remember the last time I took my engagement ring off. I could probably get it off with soap and water. I start having anxiety attacks if I try to take it off and I can’t, so now I just don’t try to.

But all of that is going to change. My mini-sh goal is to have lost 15 lbs from today, by 3/25/2013. Then I would be exactly where I started 3 years prior when I started my 35 lb loss. Of course I hope I am less than 216 by then, but I am horrible at setting goals and meeting them. I do much, much butter just taking it as it comes off. Goals put too much pressure on me.

I survived my first weekend....

Weekends are definitely harder and longer when you are trying to lose weight...and it is the holidays!

Saturday night my husband wanted to go out to eat to celebrate his 6 month anniversary of quitting smoking - yeah him! He chose to go to a Japanese steakhouse. Prior to that we had the tree lighting in our town,so I knew we would be not eating until late. As a pre-event snack, I had 2 hardboiled eggs, with little mayo, mustard,pepper and scallions on a flaxseed rollup. Yummy! For dinner I didn't have anything alcoholic and I ordered chicken instead of steak. I did eat my son's soup, but that is really just sodium. I ate everybit of my food (but I ate it slowly since I was eating with chopsticks - I seriously considered eating every dinner like that!). I so badly wanted some of his rice and veggies. I wanted them really badly, but I didn't. I had had enough.

I really did have good intentions of walking outside Sunday morning. It had snowed a little on Saturday, but was supposed to be beautiful on Sunday. But we all slept a little later than we expected. My husband was going to take the kids for a few hours to do errands, and honestly, I didn't want to take an hour of those 3 hours to walk. BUT as part of my errands I did map out a 5K around my neighborhood, so maybe next weekend. I do plan on getting up this week to walk/job on the treadmill.

After a few errands, the day was spent inside puttering around, some decorating, organizing, and the such. I managed to stay away from my husband's open bag of spicy potato chips except for 1. So often yesterday I found myself about to just aimlessly put stuff in my mouth. That is why I love Weight Watchers - accountability that is a little voice that tells me no.

Dinner was a little bit more indulgent. My husband made this creamcheese stuffed jalepenos wrapped in bacon on the grill - yummy! And we had 4 chocolate turkeys left over so we all got 1, though I only ate the mini reeses cup and part of the 2 Oreos.

On to another week. I need go buy Vitatops, since I forgot them at the store, because they are important part of my afternoon snack and I don't have a good substitue yet.

I also am going to make our list of what treats (and crafts) we'll be making this holiday season, so it will help me prepare.

Weigh In #1

December 1, 2012
Starting Weight (12/1/2012): 232.2
Current Weight: 232.2
Total Change: Just starting out
Height: 5'6"
Goal: 149

(The weights above are my home weights, which are usually about 1.5 lb less than at WW)

My alarm went off at the normal time of 6:30 even though it was Saturday, to go to my first meeting. I have always done meetings at work in the past so it was different to be at a center. It felt great to be up and out so early in the morning. I wore yoga capris, sports bra, tech shirt, tech warm up coat (that was removed for the weigh-in). The meeting was probably about 30-40 people - a mix of all different types. I am excited to learn about the changes to the program next week.

After I shopped at Target and didn't buy any junk, then went home for breakfast before going grocery shopping - nothing worse than going grocery shopping hungry!

It is snowing out and we are slowly decorating the house. Me and my 6 year old daughter finished up a "craft" from Thanksgiving - turkeys made out of oreos, woppers and mini reeses and to a lick from me!

And for lunch I made them macaroni and cheese - usually I give them a kid's bowl full and then eat the rest myself. I made me my normal workday lunch, and when they finished I did have one bite off the spoon. Yep, it was a small bit, but it was enough to satisfy me.

I made up a calendar of meals for the whole month of December - we do have most of our comfort foods during this time - it will be a challenge to make the meals healthier and eat less than I normally would. But it is a challenge I will take on.

I still need to make up the list of the baking/cookies that we will do this season. I don't tend to eat a lot of the cookies once they are cookies, but I am notorious at eating batter (especially rolled out gingerbread!) so I will have to be conscious of that.

Quietly trying to get back on track

In the 5+ months since my last post, the weight has continued to creep up to yet again another all time high of 236ish.

But also since the last post, we have moved....new schools, new routines. We also lost my mother-in-law 3 weeks ago which was very sudden (she had been battling lung cancer all year but was beating that. It was another rare type of stomach cancer that came on fast and furiously) and that really was the catalyst to get back on the wagon.

So I am going to clean up my blog, start posting religiously.

Tomorrow morning I am walking back into Weight Watchers. Saturday morning is completely alien to me, but it is 7:30 am so a great way to start the day. It won't interfere with Saturday activities. Target, BJs and ta grocery store are nearby so I can get all my weekend errands done on the way home. I hope I like the leader. I hope the meeting isn't too packed. Another incentive of Saturday mornings is it keeps me honest on Friday day and night. Friday day is my day to work from home and can be a "off plan" day - especially when I was doing WW on Thursdays (honestly, I would do WW on Thursday at noon, then not eat well until Saturday). And then I will have incentive to cook a healthy, low sodium meal on Friday night, a night we may typically eat out.

I also signed up for a 5K on New Year's Day. I know, completely insane! I haven't even attempted to run, or even walk, since February 5th. I mapped out a 5K course around the new house - it is kind of quirky because once I get off our road, I am on some really thin, windy roads so not very good for running. So I am going to just walk the course on Sunday to see how it goes. No guarantees I will actually do the 5K on the 1st (I did it last year) - but they do have really cool medals!

I kind of started the progam on Tuesday after signing up for WW online, so it isn't like I've been pigging out all week hoping for a max weigh in on Saturday. And then I will look forward to the next Saturday when we hear all about the additions to the program.

I am trying to take this kind of casually. I have found in the past that when I get superorganized before I start then I jinx myself and don't do well. But when I make small changes here and there and kind of track, I do well.

I am nervous about starting with exercise as well. Honestly, I have never lost weight while exercising because I know I overeat after working out - not because I think I deserve it or because I overestimate the Activity Points, but because I am just.so.hungry. I am going to try to drink a ton of water and not think about the hunger (easier said than done) because I am so eager to get moving again!

I  need to find some good blogs to read. I've been reading all along but haven't been commenting (sorry Leigh!) because my heart hasn't been in it, or a lot of the blogs I have read in the past aren't blogging anymore (and on the rare occasion they update, it is to say they've gained - like me) - and then some of the blogs I read people have reached their goal (yeah!) - But I need to find some where people are starting the journey or near the beginning and are doing really well.

Seeing so many people gain weight back over the last 12-18 months, just like me, scares the crud out of me. I never, ever, ever thought I would be one of them, or would gain so much, so fast. But it is time. My blog was supposed to be fit by 40 and that came and went, then in my 40's. In a few months my 40s will be 1/4 over - It is time!

All time high :(

I finally got on the scale once again after a long time and was horrified with the results, though not completely surprised. For a second it said 230, though flickered down to 229.6. Even today it was 227.6. But still, I was this heavy probably at 7 months pregnant with my son. I am so mad at myself - I did all of this on my own. I've eaten horribly, really over the last 16 months, but really over the last 6 months when we decided to move. I have been a complete bundle of stress. And right now the stress is at the all time high (well, in some regards - it was more stressful before we closed on the house) as we are living in 2 houses - most of our kitchen stuff is at the new house, we are trying to eat up the pantry and fridge and freezer of the old house. We are having to eat out a lot. I don't have time to plan for eating out or anything!

The season of birthdays is upon us. It is my husband's 40th so there will be a multitude of celebrations. I don't even care about mine - mine is last so everyone is sick of ice cream and cake by the time it is mine.

I am dreaming of August 3rd though, the day the movers get to wheel my treadmill through the basement door. The day we no longer have to live in 2 houses. The day I can start living again in small spurts (the stress will continue through August as my commute will double when I have to bring the kids down to our old town for camp and daycare, but that is only for 13 school days. One day at a time.

It may only be July 20th, but I already worry about fall clothes. Honestly, that is the main reason I am forcing myself back on the scale and having to think about things. Honestly, I worry that some of the size 18W pants I have from the spring won't fit (and I just remembered, the one pair I did like I had to throw away because I stained them and I couldn't get the stain out). But I WILL be buying pants in a few sizes this fall. When I rearrange my clothes (we don't have as much closet space in the new house but I can see it all at once as it is open) I am going to be realistic and only have out what fits, but have the smaller sizes easily accessible.

I am very excited about this next chapter in our lives and getting back on the wagon. I know I should start today, but I just can't.

I am alive!

It has been a long, long, long 5 months since we decided to move. And it isn't over yet. We closed on our new house on Wednesday, but we are still in flux really through the summer. We will be living in our current house until early August, then for 3 weeks after that we will be commuting from our new house to our old town to my work (and the reverse each evening), then vacation, then Labor Day. So it is going to be a long hard summer of being out of sorts, without a schedule or routine which is a killer for me.

But the good things about the new house are:
-A perfect space in the basement for my home gym
-A good loop to run a 5K
-A huge kitchen with plenty of space of have all my healthy food easily accesible
-Space in the kitchen to have my recipes easily accessible
-Lots of mirrors in the master bath so I am forced to look at my self a lot
-Plenty of stairs

So having a healthy lifestyle once again is constantly on my mind - I know it sounds somewhat of a cop-out to say I can't start until Labor Day, but I am being realistic. I have not a second of free times these days to think and plan and execute. Doesn't mean that I will allow a free-for-all for the next 2 months. But I am just so physically and mentally exhausted now that I can't commit to much.

I made myself get on the scale...

Not a pretty # - 219.0. But I did it. I haven't stepped on the scale in over a month - life at home and at work have been so stressful that the old habit of 'if I step on the scale and I don't like what I see, I am going to have a crappy day' came back. But things are getting better, plus I knew I was gaining even more weight, so I needed to see the damage.

The good news in my life is that we are buying a house. We close on June 27th. Our current house has been on the market for about 10 days. Logistically it would be nice to close on our current house after the new one, but financially it would be nice to do it the same day, but I think we've reached the point that if we don't have an offer now, that isn't going to happen.

It is going to be a long summer as all the kids daycare/camp is near our current house, not the new house. So I am going to have a double commute twice a day. Which means breakfast and dinner could be on the road a lot this summer! But I am prepared to do what I need to do to eat healthly foods myself.

The first thing I did this morning was calculate the points of my granola and as expected I was horrified! My favorite cereal was discontinued several months ago and I have not found a good replacement. This morning I bought a new cereal and will start measuring again.

I stocked up on ice cream treats for the summer and got myself some skinny cow ones.

I will continue to weigh myself each day.

I need to up my water intake again.

less sugar, less salt.

I can not commit to exercise at this point. Now that the TV season is over, I am hoping I can start getting to sleep earlier and I would like to do C25K again - it was been almost 4 months since I have run. But at some time we are going to need to start packing up the house and thus my nights may get long again.

In my dream I would lose 20 lbs by Labor Day weekend which would bring me to 199. But 20 lbs in 14 weeks is pretty agressive for me knowing that we are moving during this time and that our schedules will be completely influx. I would to at least like to get down 10 lbs.

I wiil, i will, i will post a lot.

Neither here nor there....

We had to walk away from the house that we put an offer on - the foundation was not straight in one area and they had made attempts to brace it. After we told them we were walking away, the sellers said they had all this documentation stating the foundation had been testing and was secure. We had to tell them 'too little too late - that is what disclosures are for' It killed me to walk away because there just haven't been any other houses even remotely in our price range in the towns we want to live in. Yet we continue to get our house ready for the day we do find a house we love.

And yet we continue to live in limbo about everything - our house is disorganized as we try to organize it - but even then it wouldn't be the way we would want it permanently. And once it is staged, trying to live with it like that and with 2 small children.

With sadness the last race I had signed up for and had to blow off was last weekend - maybe next year. Maybe after this weekend I can start to get back on track, slightly. The treadmill is in its new home in the basement, the mornings are light, I shouldn't have any excuses after this weekend. I hope and pray.....

I am alive....

It's been forever since I posted, but there just isn't much to post health-wise, because it was been the farthest thing from my mind.

Once we decided to try to move, it's been full steam ahead. Originally my realtor wanted to list our place in mid-late March, but we have too much work to do. We are trying to list it on April 25th. With my husband busy at his new job, the planning has been all on me. But he's been great in the execution department. My parents took the kids all weekend this weekend and we got a ton done. But we still have a bunch to do, so if we can't get contractors in in time, then the date will be pushed out.

Then there is the other side of things - looking to move. The town we want to move to, the town we've been looking at for 2 years, has had very limited inventory so far this spring. The ajoining town, which is much more expensive, has a ton of inventory, but in our price range, the houses are 20+ years old and will need more work in the immediate future, plus the master bedrooms just aren't very big.

We put an offer on a house in our desired town and the offer was accepted. But we found out after the fact that the house is on wetlands so what we would be able to do could be limited plus we would have to go through hoops to be able to do it. We have this inspection this week - we are crossing our fingers that everything goes okay. Walking away would be so hard! And I am not sure if we would be able to move unless something else good comes up - but at least our house will be done so we could move on a moment's notice. I would just hate for Ellie to have to start school part-way through a school year - even Jack for that matter.

Needless to say, I haven't been running since February 5th. I've blown off 2 races already and probably will blow off the one I signed up for in 2 weeks. I hate to do it, but there just hasn't been the time or the energy. I will get back to it. I did pull out my stuff tonight, so after the carpet is in installed in a week, hopefully I can get back on treadmill, and in a couple weeks it should be light enough in the morning in order to get outside again. Crossing my fingers.

Weekly Weigh-in

Last Week: 211.8
This Week: 211.8
Change: 0.0

Somehow I showed a loss of 1.4 at WW even though I was the same on my scale this morning, which is what I post. I forgot my cereal (when WW was at 11:00 I wouldn't eat breakfast, but now that it is at noon I have to eat!) so only had yogurt plus I went to the bathroom a few more times this week.

I almost didn't want to put on my WW dress this morning. But I did. I didn't want to show a gain that would have been there had I worn regular clothes.

This weekend I have a very depressing post coming up as it will be 1 year since I started gaining :(

Life continues to be stressful. My boss was out on vacation this week and I had a ton of work, plus all the house stuff. We've been scrambling to try to pack up 1/2 our house so we can do work to sell it. Wednesday my realtor told me the depressing news of what she thinks we should list my house at. Ugh. But if we change the counters and paint and re-carpet the basement we could list it at $10K more. So this weekend we are renting a U-haul to not only take the rest of the stuff we intended to to the storage unit, but also almost all of the basement so we can do this work. Ugh!

And I am battling another chest cold, so even if I had enough energy to run, there is no way I could

Eating has been far from stellar, so I was actually pretty suprised with a maintain this week. Hectic nights of packing and looking at houses and I took yesterday for a girls day with my daughter, so lots of meals out. And we're trying to eat our way through the pantry so some meals aren't that great.

Days at home can be hard...

Finally another Friday, and that means working from home. Silence in the house. But eating on these days can occasionally be tricky. I try and try to eat as I would at work, but so much temptation. And so much stress! A ton of work to do and tons of packing. I should have called contractors to do work on the house but I ran out of time and desire and guts - I hate calling people I don't know!

I ran out of time for a snack before picking up the kids, so I grabbed a bottle of Slim Fast. I used to drink it every day for breakfast. Once they stopped making the cans, I thought they didn't make the cappucino ones anymore. But I saw them in the store the other day so got some. Big freaking mistake! Caffeine really affects me, a lot. So needless to say, drinking it at 4 pm had me up until 4 am literally. My mind was racing with all the things I need to do. It sucked. So I am majorly dragging today.

I did only have 1 portion (alebit probably a little big) of my favorite chicken/pasta/broccoli dish I make. The scale said 209.2 this morning!

I had my first phone coach session with the nutritionist through work.Eh. I was no impressed. It will  be 20 minutes once a month. That is not what I need. But it's free so I will stick with it, but thankfully I have WW for weekly weighins and I have the internet to write on.

Weekly Weigh In

Last Week: 216.4
This Week: 211.8

Last week was still completely over inflated from the Superbowl and such. This week could be a little low because I have this bizarre thing where the day AF arrives, my weight dips. Don't know why!

I am wearing the WW dress and ready to go. This past week has not been great. I have definitely had some mini-binges, all coming in the late afternoon/as I am making dinner. Remember how I said once I had to be the one to make dinner, it would be better? It is in some respects, but also I am in the kitchen by myself and no one can see me if I am eating grated cheese out of the bag, or munching on Wheat Thins dipped in Nutella.

As for the portions I am trying to do better. Yesterday I meaured out 1 cup of pasta for dinner and didn't have any more, as much as I wanted to!

The moving stress is coming on, it really is. I knew I would be in it myself as my husband is busy with his new job and studying, but it is pretty overwhelming. I don't want to be like my friend who didn't run for 10 months when she moved. I know I need to run to get rid of the stress. I really, really want to get up tomorrow morning and get on the treadmill. My next 5K is 4 1/2 weeks away and I need to run!

I need to go grocery shopping tonight but I haven't menu planned for the week! As long as I buy dairy and fruits and vegetables I should be okay. We have a large pantry and chest freezer which we need to eat down. But I still need to menu plan so I know what we are eating every night and I can plan for myself.

I am just full of excuses....

I did pull out my work out clothes and I did set my alarm for 5:30....but I changed it to 6:00 before I even went to bed.

I had a homeowners association meeting last night that I had to leave dinner to go to and didn't get home until after 9:00. I still had to put together everything for Valentine's Day this morning, so I didn't even get into bed to relax until almost 10. I did got to bed at 10:30 but I just wanted into it. Plus my son continues to come into our room almost every other night. It was usually around 3-4 so the thought of getting up in a couple of hours kills me.

I am working from home today and doing my best (so far!) to eat as though I was at work. It can be very, very hard sometimes though!

I will get up in the morning!

I have to get Tuesday morning to get on the treadmill. I refuse to be like my friend who didn't run for 10 months while they put their house on the market and moved. Granted she didn't have a treadmill, but I really don't have an excuse. I have a meeting tonight, but I refuse to stay up late watching tv. 5:30 am here I come!

The reason for the bit above, is yet again I didn't get up on Sunday morning. Between the kids being up way too early both days and being so excited to go to our first open houses, I sprang out of bed and was dressed by 7:15, on a Sunday, so i could continue packing.

We looked at 4 houses, none of which had a finished basement. 2 of the 4 had exercise equipment in the basement and 1 had it in the 4th bedroom (the 4th house was new construction). Both my daughter and husband kept saying that I could use a 4th bedroom to work out in. I hadn't really given it much thought - I assumed i would put eveyrting in the basement regardless, and I still plan on it. Finished would be nice. But I can fit all my stuff wherever I need to. I really wouldn't want it on the second floor anyways.

Doing so much better!

One of the hardest parts of the last 11 months has been the lack of alone time in the house. After having been used to 10 hours per week, I got zero. Nothing. Not that I don't love my husband, but working from home just isn't the same when he is here. Plus I've been so busy that I actually had to work a full 10 hours. And all fall and in January, my daughter was home on Friday afternoons. But this morning my husband left for work and took the 2 kids with him to school. What a kiddy dance!

The realtor came to look at the house today, so that was fun as well. Now I can get the storage unit, start packing, and start staging. But also start painting :( And a lot of other stuff.

Yesterday WW started. I just decided to start from scratch - new book, new 5%, new 10%. I spent hours yesterday putting all my favorite foods online (I am peeved you can only do 125 favorites though) - I am going to try to track on-line, but I also got a 3 month journal.

Last night was pizza Thursday. I split my pizza into 2 pieces, so had 3 (ie 1 1/2 slices). I went grocery shopping after and bought a bunch of good stuff. Though in the coming months we are going to have to eat away our pantry so we don't have to move it.

Alas....didn't get up to run this morning :( I didn't get home until 9, then had to put stuff away and do some chores, then the realtor came at 9 so I had a bunch of stuff to do around the house first thing. Sunday will be a treadmill run as it is supposed to snow, and Sunday is only supposed to  be 20 degrees!

Eating today, Friday, as been so-so. A long time ago, pre-losing the 30 lbs (which I've gained back), I used to eat terribly on Fridays because I would go shopping first thing, eat a bunch of crap that i could eat in the privacy of my house by myself. So I would in essence not start eating well until Saturday, 2 days after weigh-in, and I wondered why I didn't lose weight?!

Really hitting a low point here....

Yesterday was a colosal, horrible eating day. I had to run to Target at lunch where I got some peanut M&Ms to tide me over to lunch, bought lunch at Fresh City (ate way too much) and went out to dinner with my family to celebrate my husband's first day of work today, as well as my daughters 5.5 birthdat and her 100 day in Kindergarten.

The scale as of late has me all the way back to my starting weight of 216. Ugh. Really ugh. Like borderline clothes are too tight. I think my shoes are tight too. Like horribly ugh.

I had gotten out my work out clothes last night to start C25K overagain this morning, but my husband had a cold and was snoring, and even though it wasn't my first day of work, I kept waking up to check to the clock thinking we would oversleep. So needless to say, I didn't get up :(

No word on whether WW will actually come back to work. I have a feeling we don't have enough people :(

I've got to turn it around! Now!!!!!

The Boston Marathon Finish Line

I signed up for my April 5K today which finishes at the finish line of the Boston Marathon. It is the day before the marathon, so the finish line will be painted. I am pretty psyched. I've been watching the marathon for years and never, ever had any desire to run it. I still don't have the desire to do a marathon, or even a half. A 10K....maybe, we'll see. I want to sign up for a 3 part race next March which is a 3 mile, then 4 mile, then 5 mile. It has a kick-ass medal that fits together as a puzzle. But for now 5K is fine and being able to run across the finish line in Boston will be cool. It will be by far my biggest race, with a 6,000 person cap.

I know why I don't drink anymore! I feel like crud today. I woke up in the middle of the night and ate a ton of crackers and a gingerale because I was starving! This is why I don't drink anymore. Not only the calories of the alcohol, the calories you eat while you are drinking, and then the calories you eat the next day to make yourself feel better, and top it off the exercise you don't get the next day because you feel like hell. I could never work out hungover. This morning I had a bunch more crackers and 2 8-oz cokes on the way to work!

And then there are the 2 cigarettes I smoked last night. I hadn't had 1 in almost 2 years! And I remember why. I sware my lungs hurt this morning. But that is maybe also due to the fact that it was only 30 degrees when I ran yesterday. I used my fast-acting inhaler which I was given in November after I got sick after my first ever run outside.

The Super Bowl is over, spring is around the corner (though it is only supposed to be in the 20s this weekend!), the days are getting longer, Spring Training starts in a few weeks. Yeah!!!!!

No race, but 5K on my own...

At the last minute my parents wanted a tour of the towns we want to move to, so I ended up being away from the house all day long. As soon as I got home, we all went back to those towns to see my husband's college town play hockey.

Since I was away all day, was completely unprepared, and completely dehydrated, I blew off my Super 5K race at noon. But around 1:15 I was finally able to sneak out and run at 5K. Not sure if I ran a full 5K, but I ran for 38:41. The GBS on MapMyRun was all screwed up. It was hard, but I did it.

Okay, so we lost the Super Bowl, again. But that is okay. Hopefully we will have a fantastic year with my husband's job and moving.

We cooked a ton of food but I was was too nervous to eat much at all. We dumped most of it. But I did drink a ton! I can't remember the last time I drank alcohol. I will probably feel like crap tomorrow.

Tuesday....the eating well commenses again.

Is it Monday yet?

I am eager for the weekend, but I am also eager for it to me over. I want next week to come!

I've been buying my lunch almost every day for the last 2 weeks. A good friend of mine gave her notice and we've been going down to the cafeteria to eat. While they do have microwaves in the caf, it is just easier to buy my lunch. Today we are taking her out for Thai food and then having a Super Bowl rally in the afternoon. But starting next week I am back on bringing my lunch.

Tomorrow I am bringing the kids to gymnastics in the morning, then bringing my parents to visit the town we want to move to in the afternoon. We've got a college hockey game in the evening where we are going to be eating consession food for dinner. Sunday is my race and in the evening is the Super Bowl.

But next week my husband goes back to work and on Friday I get the house to myself and having the realtor come over. Happy day!

Wild and crazy busy....

This week has been absolutely crawling by - it usually is prior to the Super Bowl, when I just want it to be here and be over. I am so nervous. Honestly, I hate feeling anything prior to the game. It is distracting.

I am running in a Super 5K on Sunday - I am nervous about that as well, as I have not been running in a couple of weeks, and that was on a treadmill. The last time I ran a full 5K outside was on New Year's Day. I am hoping to start training again next week so I will be better prepared for my St Patty's Day 5K.

Good news is my husband starts work on Monday! That means our schedule just got even crazier. But it also means that dinner is all on me, and that is actually a good thing!

Weight Watchers is starting up again today. I am going to make myself do it. I am going to tell the leader to "encourage" me to step on it each week. I also printed out a sheet so I can write down my weight each day. I weighed myself almost every day in January, but haven't written it down for 3 weeks. My WW weight today will be completely inflated because I am wearing jeans (we got to all week because of the Super Bowl) and I ate breakfast. Usually I am neurotic and wear the same light dress and only drink water prior to weigh in.

ETA: WW actually didn't officially start. We thought we had 15 people, but we don't so far. Hopefully we will for next week. I chose not to step on the scale. But I will next week regardless.

With my husband's new job means that we are most likely moving! I have a realtor coming in next week to look at our house. It is going to be a crazy ride this year! I just hope my physical activity (can I say I am excited to lift boxes so fit in strength training) and my healthy eating can happen with all this change.

Go Patriots!

Plans to make progress

I had my first call with the Phone Coach through our work. She was a nurse and I have a call with a dietician in 3 weeks. After that I am not sure how often I will have calls - I am hoping every week. My "homework" for the next 3 weeks is to start running again 3 times a week (I have only been doing it once a week) and add in biking 1 time a week. Also I need to keep a food journal and try to limit my dinners to one portion.

Life is going to take a different turn pretty quickly. My husband got a new job and he starts on Wednesday! He has been home for 10 months. So my evenings will now be very hectic - 2 pick ups, make dinner, eat as a family (though my husband probably won't be home). 3 years ago before we did family dinners, I would feed my daughter, then I would eat (not the same food as her) and my husband would eat after she went to bed (again, not what I made).

As hectic as it will all be, I am really, really excited! I am even trying to see if I can get my husband to get up early with me to work out.

He is almost 3, not a newborn!

I had my gym clothes all laid out last night, but my son was up TWICE in the middle of the night. Lately he's been coming into our bed and we've been too lazy to get up and bring him back, but when he is in our bed, we don't sleep well. He came in at 12:30 and 4:30 - both times I brought him straight back, though the first time he was soaking wet because we put him to bed with a pull-up instead of diaper by mistake. I did feel like a new mom feeling around in the dark for a new pair of pjs.

Yesterday was yet another "good day" at work - ie I ate all my food I brought, though I was incredibly bored at work so I ate my lunch at noon instead of 1 and my snack at 3 instead of 4. Dinner was a big fail - 2 large portions plus dessert. Though we did throw the rest of the homemade Dragon cake I had made over the weekend (to celebrate the chinese new year).

Our menu planning has gotten completely off track for this week, so tonight is Breakfast for Dinner and I have no idea for tomorrow night since we had Wednesday's dinner on Sunday. I hate these weeks that get so disorganized. But tomorrow night is another night of menu planning and hopefully next week's meals will go a little more smoothly.

I love feeling sore!

No pain, no gain. I love being sore. I miss feeling this way so much! But is it enough to get me out of bed in the morning and lift weights. No, sadly. But I want it to be!

Thank you for your well wishes for my MIL. She saw the oncologist this morning and it is Stage 3 squamous cell lung cancer. But my husband doesn't know anything more than that. Hopefully this is yet another wake up call for him to be more healthy. To be healthy at all! He just doesn't want to be. Everytime I bring up being healthy, he throws my weight in my face. But was he doesn't understand, or doesn't care to, is I think about being healthy every.single.day. Am I doing what I should to be healthy? No. But I WANT to be. I want to be healthy for me and for him and for our kids. He doesn't seem to care to want to be healthy. And if he does, he doesn't vocalize it at all.

The Patriots going to the Super Bowl 10 years later is a reminder that it has been 10 years since I was active. On December 31, 2001 I decided to attempt to hike Mt Rainier in August of 2002. I spent 7 1/2 months working out and lifting weights and hiking, hiking, hiking. I never made it to the top, as altitude sickness stopped me, but I was damn proud of myself. But I was burnt out. I came down from the mountain and haven't hiked once since. Over the past 9+ years I've gained weight and been less and less healthy (along with dating and then marrying my husband and having 2 kids!).

I just want to get back to that healthy person so badly!

3 weeks in, not great...

Just because the first 3 weeks of the year have been nothing stellar in the slightest, doesn't mean I have to write off the whole year!

Today I ran for only the second time since my New Year's 5k. 2 weeks ago I ran outisde but only made it 2.25 miles and then walked 2.12 miles home. It was a psychological thing that I didn't go 5K.

Today I ran 5K on my treadmill - it was the first time I had done that. Only the second time I have been on a treadmill since before Thanksgiving. But we finally have snow in the ground (and it was 11 degrees this morning) - it snowed yesterday, so I didn't want to risk running outside (unlike last weekend when there wasn't any snow on the ground, but was only 5 degrees on Sunday morning, but I just didn't do anything).

Needless to say, my eating has been horrible. My saying I would not only weigh every day BUT also right it down - I haven't written it down in over 10 days. I am going to print out my weight journal so I can right it on a piece of paper each morning and then transfer it to the computer when I get to work.

Part of my poor habits are due to 2 pieces of bad news we received on the same day a couple of weeks ago. Dan stumbled onto a job interview and while he interviewed well, the feeling was that he did not have enough experience for the job. So we wonder if the last 10 months of studying have been for nothing - will he he have to take the same type of job he already had, and have we been mistaken and his salary could have been too high for his position. To take the same type of job and potentially have to take a pay cut would be devastating to our desires to move. On a good note, the hiring manager really liked Dan and while the job posting has been pulled (the client went with an internal candidate, so we've been told) there is a slight possibility they could find a position for him.

On a more grave note, my MIL has been diagnosed with lung cancer. We are awaiting word on how serious it is and what her prognosis is. She can not have chemo as she only has 1 functioning kidney and chemo would leave her with no kidney function, resulting in dialysis. We don't feel that his mother is long for this world. This news sends more uncertainity into our already uncertain year.

But the good news is our New England Patriots are going back to the Super Bowl! I had been holding off signing up for my February race, but signed up tonight for both February and March! February is called the Super 5K which the first year was 10 years ago when the Patriots were in the SB the first time. And the March race is an irish race on March 18 - my son was born on St Patrick's Day, so it should be fun.

I am pretty proud of myself on my run today. It was miserable, I was miserable, but I made myself do it. My time was so-so: 38:21. I finished the run at 6.0! But as one point went down to 4.5, and I removed the incline also. I also stripped during the run! I mistakenly wore my typical outside long shirt and short shirt, but since it was 10:00 am and even though I was in the basement, it was pretty warm!

My plan is to start the C25K again, faster - maybe I will start with week 3. I can't just run at the same speed on a treadmill forever. So, so, so boring! I think I need new music with a faster pace.

Hopefully I am out of this funk. Mid-winter is only 2 weeks away! While there is now snow on the ground, I am okay with that. Last winter was just brutal and horrible. But things are looking up!

Writing to get over a rough spot

How many different reasons/excuses to we make for overeating?!

Yesterday was another great day. Ate well, left on time, made dinner for the family, packed healthy lunches for the kids, organized my "family bible" which is a notebook that contains all the ideas for kids breakfasts/lunches/snacks, all my WW info, all our go-to meals and the meals I want to try, all that sort of stuff.

At 8:00 I remembered I had to make a small change for something at work, which turned into 3+ hours of work so zero down time last night. I had to wake up early to get stuff done, and here after 1 pm I am just coming up for air. I almost didn't come into work because I wasn't sure I could spare the hour of commuting.

I dressed in my WW outfit and planned on going to the 11:00 meeting, but couldn't move away from my desk. I was starving and I didn't have time to heat up my lunch so I had a co-worker bring me a sandwich and pasta salad from the cafeteria. Definitely more than the 10 pt LC pizza I had. I almost had her bring me a 12 oz soda even though I had 8 oz in my bag. But I refrained.

The stress is over and obviously I have a little time to waste since I am on-line, but I have that 'I want a reward feeling', anxiety, something. I just had a huge lunch and I know I am physically not hungry. I just feel like rewarding myself. I won't. I usually don't at work anyways. But the fact that I am even thinking about it! I hate this feeling.

Finally excited to wake up this morning...

I ate well all day yesterday, thus was excited to jump out of bed and see what the scale said. I know, I know. I do let the scale define me. But not like last year. It was because I knew I had done well yesterday and thus I should see a change in the scale. Last year, while I did step on the scale often, I didn't record it and it usually was dread. But it should have been, because I knew my actions of the day before not only weren't condusive to a loss, but most likely were causing a gain. And I didn't record the number and I didn't care about the number and use it to try to make it an on-plan day. I just didn't care.

Another big change yesterday. I have documented here a lot that part of the reason for my 2011 gain, was due to the fact that my husband has been making dinner for the last 9 months. So I asked him if he would pick up the kids on Tuesdays and Wednesdays so I could go straight home and make dinner. I was just so excited about it! Of course when he goes back to work, I'll be doing both pickups (in 2 different places) and dinner with them running around. But this is a great start. I knew that the vegetables didn't have butter on them, I controlled my portion, I felt in control and it felt great!

First 5K of the year down

I timed myself at 38:00 exactly guntime. The official results are not in yet.

This was a bigger race that I had been in before. 1500+ were registered prior to the race. We got pretty cool wicking long sleeve shirts my first medal! Which also is a bottle stopper (I really need to start posting pictures here. I get so lazy about posting them though)

It was almost 50 degrees here in Massachusetts at 11 am. While we were lined up I already wished I hadn't worn my long sleeve shirt (I wear a short sleeve shirt over a long sleeve shirt - the long sleeve is too short so the long sleeve helps cover the gut! The second half of the race was directly in the sun - I need to start practicing running in sunglasses. I wear sunglasses 99% of the time outside, even when most normal people wouldn't, because I have very sensitive eyes and if I squint at all I get a headache. But I only started running outside after week 6 of C25K and all my training has been early in the morning. I am not sure if my cheapo glasses would do well while running and we don't have the $ right now to spend on equipment.

I continue to worry about how I will do in the sun/heat. I plan on doing all of my training early in the morning once it is light enough again. I just heat up so quickly and it takes me a long time to recover. I need to drink more water than the norml person. I found my camelback last night so I will probably take that, even to run 3 miles.

So how was the race? The holiday feasting, and lack of running, has slowed me down, but I talked myself through not walking - if I walk, I have a very hard time getting going again. I literally was talking out loud towards the end of the race to keep me going. I was dragging. The course was so-so. From 1.6 - 2.9 miles was one long straight away which I don't really like because at every light (it was a busy street) I kept thinking we were done even though I knew we weren't mileage wise.

I need to work on my recovery - 2 out of my 3 races have been over holiday weekends, so once I am done I come home, take a shower, put on my pjs and just veg (and eat) for the rest of the day. I physically felt better the race where I was out and about after the race.

Happy New Year!

This morning I woke up and weighed myself - groaned (211.8) and then made up my weight-tracking spreadsheet for 2012. I was reminded how little I used my tracker in 2011 which did do some part of assisting in the 20 lb weight gain. I know I weighed myself more then I put in the spreadsheet, but since I was never thrilled with the results, I didn't bother putting it in.

Also, I wasn't using my WW 3 month tracker where I would jot down the weight in the morning and then put it in my computer when I got to work.I want to use my WW tracker this year, but I think I will have my tracker on our home computer so I can run up in the morning and put it in - whether good, bad or ugly.

I remember all those days of 2010 when I would jump out of bed and run to the scale, excited about what it might say. I knew I had done the work the day before that could result in a loss. Even if there was a maintenance or a slight gain, I knew it would happen, i would taken ownership of it and do what I needed to do to be excited by the scale the next day.

In 2010 I told myself that I would step on the scale every day, no matter what. I said I wouldn't let the result affect my day - I used to believe that if I saw a gain, then it would mean the day would suck. And I let that happen again this year. I was so stressed in all areas of my life that I didn't want the scale the ruin the day even more, so more often than not I would not step on it.  Or if I did step on it, I wouldn't record it. And even when the results was a gain, I wouldn't alter my day because of it. Hence, 1 year later, 20 lbs heavier.

I know there are a lot of people that don't let the scale run their lives. But I need to weigh in every day. I need to write it down. If I don't, I gain. That is just me. So that is what I am going to do in 2012.

As I was cleaning up my tracker, I unfortunately had to erace some of the 'goals accomplished' since I had such a slide. But there was one area where I got to add a lot of checks. That was moving! I had several goals - 1 to be able to walk for an hour, and then several indicating how fast I would be able to walk, ranging from 3.2 mph to 3.7 mph. I can do all of those. There was nothing about running!

Last night, during our typical boring NYE, I cleaned up our work out area. I pumped up the tires on my stationary bike. I moved the kids bikes to very inconvenient places in order to be able to access my weight bench. I should have no excuse to do some weights this year! To do more than C25K - not that that is a bad thing.

Off I go to run a 5K - not sure how I am going to do. I really feel pretty sick. I am pretty sure doing this will make me sicker, but I want to do it. There is almost 2000 people signed up for it, so I want the experience of a "real" race, with chips on the bib. And it is a good way to start the year. If I didn't do it, I would be afraid of what else I might give up on during the rest of the year.