Back at this in 2023

 Let's try this again...

I'm going to go back and do a quick re-cap of April - December 2022 at some point, but I just want to get it out there now where things stand mid-way through January 2023.

After my last post in early April 2022 I got COVID - Not badly at all thankfully, but it really stalled my weight loss so by the time I went for my physical in mid-July I was still the same weight - low 260s (which was still better than the 272 I 1st saw on 2/19/22 and the doctor saw in mid-March).

The good news is now I am about 241. So a loss of 31 pounds since February/March 2022. The bad news is:

1) I've been gaining/losing the same 3-4 lbs since the beginning of November

2) After losing 30 lbs, I've been diagnosed with high blood pressure. Go figure! So for the 1st time in my life I am on medications for something weight related. But I've been under a lot of stress (work, raising teenagers) but I could also have to be on the medication forever like my mom who is 84 and a twig. I don't know if it is weight related, it could be brought on my menopause/perimenopause (I haven't hit the year yet - I've got chunks of 4-5-almost 6 months without) but either way, it is a fact of life right now. And the doctor threw an anti-anxiety medication at me too, though I am not sure it is helping. 

This picture is from late September when I was about 250 and trying on clothes I would like to take with me to Europe this spring. It's hard to get excited about clothes when you look 20 months pregnant.

This is from December - back on my favorite rail trail, walking this time, not running. But running will come. But probably not until after my hernia surgery.

I saw the surgeon in October and he was thrilled with my progress and though perhaps I'd be able to have surgery before getting to a BMI of 80-85 because he could tell my stomach is hernia, not a lot of weight, so I am a good candidate for not having to wait so long. But because I will want to have a tummy tuck at the same time, I may still wait. A lot will have to do with how the hernia looks when I've lost another 20-30 pounds because right now it doesn't seem like it's changed at all - I've lost weight all around it.

I have an appointment with him in April, then will probably do another in October and see where I am. I also have a lot of things to consider about the timing and the possibility of being laid up for a long time - my daughter will graduate high school in June 2024 so there is a lot of events before than and after that that I was to be present for. And then when she does go away to college, I will lose my help in terms of another driver, as we will have a year + where she is gone before our son gets his license. But that is the least of my worries. 

But now it is time to get back to losing weight. I am so desperate to be 239, my pre-pandemic weight, which was still 7 lbs higher than my highest ever/non-pregnant weight. I was close on Thanksgiving Day, at 240.4 but between figuring out my medication (I don't think it is the actual medication that is preventing me, it's the stress of being on the medication) and the holidays, I've stalled. But time to kick it up a notch.

I've always said that I don't do well with time constraints (lose X by Y day) - It usually backfires in a dramatic fashion. So just 1 day at a time, trying to work towards 1.4 lbs a week. Sure I'd like to do more, but I also want to live my life and make this sustainable.

But this week I am really leaning it to do what I need to do to jump start me into the 230s for the first time since March 2020.

4/9/2022 Weigh In

Starting Weight: 272.0 (2/19/2022)
Last Week: 263.6
This Week: 262.2
This Week Change: -1.4
Total Change: -9.9

Of course I am excited about a loss. But I can't help but thinking that the weight should be just melting off at this stage. But I know at my age and 1900 calories a day it's not going to, but slow and steady wins the race.

What was I successful with this week

• Weighing every day
• Tracking in MFP
• Staying within my calorie limits
• Avoiding processed foods (cookies, cake, ice cream, candy - I did have a few crackers with hummus)

What I could have done better with

• We had 3 Blue Apron meals and their sodium content was very high and by mistake we got the 4 serving ones (my kids don't eat them) and it was harder to stay on track
• Complete lack of movement - Maybe getting 3500 steps in a day - I'm not not moving because of mobility issues, it's due to a busy, at desk job
• No variety of food during the day
• Not enough vegetables

What I plan on doing this week

• Cooking meals - no Blue Apron
• More vegetables
• More water - I am pretty good, but I think I can do more
• Proactively add in steps

What I am doing this time

  I know this is not going to be easy. Needing to lose 90 pounds just to be out of the Obese category is extremely daunting. Throw in that I am not over 50 and somewhere hovering between perimenopausal and menopausal. And the pandemic stress and the moody teenagers haven't gone away. The one thing that has gotten better is the financial stress. A "positive" of the pandemic is that we were able to save a lot of money so we have a cushion we didn't have 2 years ago.

And also what is different this time is I am doing this primarily for health, not vanity. I need my A1C to come down, I need my blood pressure to come down, I want my cholesterol numbers to reverse. I don't want to go on medication for any of it if I don't have to.

The surgeon was hoping I'd be down 15-20 lbs by the time I see him. The weight he had was 271 - he didn't weigh me, he was going off of the weight at my physical which was done mid-day and she didn't take any pounds away because of my clothing. Next time, 1st thing in the morning, wearing a flowy dress!

So I would love to be 250. In the past I've never, ever, ever done well with "Lose X pounds by Y date" - I am usually the opposite.

So the immediate changes I am doing

*Weigh myself every day - this is the #1 thing that has always worked for me in the past. I know it doesn't work for everyone, but it does for me

*Track using My Fitness Pal - I had tracking. In the past I've had success just writing the items I've eaten in a journal, but not really weighing and measuring. But that won't fly this time. I have my calories at 1900 (which is a 1.5 lb loss a week). There is definitely wiggle room with that number, but I am not feeling deprived.

*Since I love pasta, I've cut out all-white pasta and have been have a mixture of plant based, whole grain, and whole wheat. I have between 3-4 oz at a time

*Since blood sugar is so important here, I'm really trying to cut out processed foods. Lean Cuisine pizzas that I relied on so much for YEARS have been thrown away so they aren't even around in emergencies

So how am I doing......

So many doctors.....

 Let's recap:

*After being in the low 230s (and into the 220s) for 5+ years, by the end of 2019, as I was training for a 1/2 Marathon, my weight started to creep up, By the time the pandemic hit I was 239.

*At my physical in July 2020 I was 255 and my blood pressure was showing signs of being high and what I now know is a hernia was starting to effect my quality of life

*The pandemic did not end, life got more stressful with everyone still at home, overall pandemic stress, worrying about job loss (one of which worry did come true), moody teenagers, my weight got up to 272.0.

*Besides having my physical in July 2020 and my annual mammogram, I was overdue for my GYN (I was supposed to have it in April 2020 and by the time they were seeing patients again my doctor had moved away) and my colonoscopy (after I had mine in November 2018 my doctor moved to a new practice too far away

This is my hernia - Looking 20 months pregnant......

So last fall I decided it was time to start using the pandemic as an excuse for not seeing doctors and not taking care of myself. While my weight was stabilized, the hernia (or whatever - I didn't know what it was at that time) was making losing weight difficult. Or perhaps that was just my excuse. In the past, if I ate well for 1 week, I could noticeably see my stomach deflate some. Now that wasn't the case.

So I scheduled my colonoscopy and endoscopy for early March.

I had a physical planned for January but they moved it to June.

I found a new GYN and had an appointment in mid-February. And I emailed my primary and asked to be squeezed in before June and to order my blood work.

The GYN was pretty sure it was a hernia but scheduled a CAT scan which revealed it was a hernia (and thankfully not lots of other cancers it possibly could be).

The colonoscopy revealed 3 polyps, pre-cancerous, back in 3 years. Not fantastic news, but not the worst news. The endoscopy revealed nothing new so that doesn't need to be repeated next time! Even after all of the prep, I still looked 20 months pregnant (I didn't lose as much weight during the prep as I did last time, though my prep was "adequate")

My bloodwork revealed good kidney and thyroid function, okay cholesterol (numbers all within the normal range but I'd personally like to get my HDL and LDLs going to better directions) and my A1C right at 5.7 which is the very beginning of pre-diabetes, which obviously is not good. And my blood pressure was sky high at the doctor, but was able to be brought down, but still not fantastic.

My primary had me make an appointment with a surgeon about the hernia, and while he was very nice, he said I can't have the surgery until my BMI is at least 35 but preferably 30. So between 180 and 200 lbs. Yikes. But a good swift kick in the pants.

I have an appointment with my primary in June to have more bloodwork done and I have an appointment with the surgeon in July as a check-in (he said I could check in at 3 months, 6 months, or not at all. Sign me up for 3 months!)

So I've got some, lots of incentive here, to finally start getting back on track.

Painting Mishap and Weight Gain

 I was struggling before the pandemic even started. I hadn't gotten into a groove working at home and being around my kitchen all day wasn't helping. I started the pandemic at almost 240 lbs, almost 10 lbs higher than I had been 9 months pregnant with my son (10 lbs less than 9 months pregnant with my daughter).

I immediately felt completely stressed by the pandemic. I had anxiety and panic attacks which I never had. I hoarded food like crazy, I was terrified of getting covid, worried that being obese and not knowing if I had high blood pressure or diabetes and what that could mean. I bought tons of comfort food. Within a month I was no longer wearing jeans "to work" but wore comfy clothes (because the rest of my family was....and my clothes were getting a little tight).

I had my physical in July and I was 255 lbs. I said I wanted a weight and blood pressure check (because my BP was a little elevated, first time ever) a month later but I blew it off after I got home from the doctor and saw that the nurse had written my weight as 245 not 255 and my BP wasn't right either. I told myself I would re-schedule the appointment when I got below 245. This was when we thought the pandemic would be over by the end of the summer.

But then I had something new to panic about. My client was going away and I was at serious risk of losing my job at the end of September and being in IT my husband's job isn't always secure and our bank account was pretty low and we heard companies were laying off people without severance and that trying to get unemployment was a full-time job because so many people were out of work. So I was completely panicked about our finances. I handle all of our finances. Needless to say the scale wasn't going down, it was going up. I can't remember when I actually stepped on the scale and it was 270.

In the spring of 2020 I was still trying to be somewhat active. Not needing to get kids out the door allowed me time to go for a walk in the morning. But then the painting happened.....

Even before the pandemic the plan was to re-do the kids' room. In March right before everything shut down we got their closets professionally done. But I couldn't get a painter in, so I decided to do it myself. Despite the picture of my daughter painting, she painted about the size of the blue - I did all the rest. My husband doesn't paint (he does a lot of wonderful things, but not paint). 

After 4 days of prepping and painting my abs were killing me. A lot. I joked to myself about using muscles I wasn't used to. The muscular pain went away but all of a sudden I was looking 20 months pregnant. I had my physical a couple of weeks later and she told me to work with a PT to strengthen my core, but I knew it was something more.

After that I pretty much stopped exercising and stopped going out a lot because I hated feeling/looking so pregnant. And it got worse as time went on. Both physically and mentally.

We did get this in March 2021. I used it for about 6 weeks and then not again. I do love it. I just have to get into the routine.

Next post will be where am I now.....

2021 Quick Recap

 Before we knew it is was 2021 - we were approaching a year. My kids went back into the classroom in October 2020, but only 2 days a week. Remote school was not my kids' friend. My husband unexpectedly lost his job in February 2021, but the year was not lost.

First of all, this was a wonderful way to start the year.

More day trips to Maine - 

Once I was vaccinated I felt more comfortable staying in a hotel and me and my son went to Upstate New York to the Baseball Hall of Fame and Corning Glass Museum.

My husband took a ferry trip to an island off the coast of Maine.

I took an overnight by myself to Maine

My daughter and I did an overnight to NYC for Mother's Day

We got to go to a Bar Mitzvah in June

My son got to go to overnight camp for a month (and was fully vaccinated before he went which was wonderful)

We didn't feel comfortable booking a vacation by plane and I didn't want to just rent a house again so we did a 2 week roadtrip around the Great Lakes and checked a bunch off our bucket list - I had never been to Chicago or Niagara Falls

We rented a cabin in Northern Maine over Columbus Day weekend

And actually left the country for Thanksgiving to drive to Quebec City

And had a pretty much Christmas

Despite my husband losing his job in February he got a much better one in April - in an office, in our town! So the 3rd week of April the rest of my family left the house full time!!!!!!

2020: Quick Recap

I can't believe it's been over 2 years since I've posted. So much has happened, both in the world, and here at home. I can't fully re-cap more than 2 years, but I need to get some things out so I can keep moving forward.

Where was I? It was February 2020. I was struggling. My daughter and I had traveled to Disney World in January. In February the rest of my family went skiing in Vermont while I got 5 glorious days to myself. Never could I have imagined it would be the last extended time I would be alone in the house for over 14 months.

The last day my kids were in school was Wednesday March 11. They shut our district 2 days early because 2 parents were complaining of feeling ill. The kids and teachers never got to go back to to get their things. Since both kids were moving up schools they didn't get to say good-bye to those schools. They would not step inside a school until October.

On March 18 we had to say good-bye to this little guy. He was almost 15 but had kidney disease and had been declining. He had been waking us up to feed him and his sister for years and after he was gone we joked that we would to sleep in. No, a month after he was gone, his sister took over, but since she is deaf, she meows really loudly and we haven't slept through the night in 2 years.

So after dreaming about working from home permanently, all of a sudden everyone was home. But I quickly found refuge on the weekends with road trips. I think I am one of the few that put 4,000 miles on my car in 2020.

We went to all the New England states, but went to Maine a lot. Like 16 times. The border is only an hour away. It was a wonderful escape. We rent a house in Maine for a week in August (after having to cancel our planned (and booked!) trip to Southern California.

We didn't see our relatives much in 2020. I think I saw my mom only 4 times. Her retirement community was pretty locked down and I was so worried about infecting her. It was very sad to celebrate milestones without them.

In May we celebrated 15 years - we recreated our favorite steakhouse meal at home and the kids served us!

It was wonderful to get away and being able to take pictures because being home so much was definitely very difficult. I will touch upon all the stresses and how I handled it in a separate post.