Checking in....

I exist, but it isn't an existence I want right now.

My father is going to pass away any day now and it has just been a sucky, sucky year. And while he will be at peace, which is important, those still living are left with all the grief while trying to keep on living. There is going to be so much to do over the next year or two as my mom makes decisions about where she wants to live, all while trying to grieve over the loss of her husband (they would have celebrated 55 years this June).

Work is crazy. We have a project due tomorrow, which is helping me to stay busy.

And with this craziness I have made a decision. I will not be racing my 1/2 Marathon over Memorial Day weekend.

I have built up to 10 miles. I had done 8 miles a couple of weekend, 9 miles on Easter and 10 miles the weekend after that. Last weekend I did the BAA 5k and then 6.4 flat miles the next day.

This weekend I was supposed to race a 10 mile innaugural race by the beach. But the race didn't start until 9 so I wouldn't have been done until 11 and then after recovering and an hour drive back home, it would have been so late and I had a lot of things i wanted to do. So when my running partner, whom I hadn't seen since New Year's Day until last weekend, needed 9 taper miles, I chose to join her. It was the longest I'd ever run with anyone else. She and I had run almost 8 miles in December, but usually our long training runs have been on our own (I give her credit for doing so much of her marathon training on a treadmill this past awful winter).

I was scheduled to do 11 miles this coming weekend and 12 the following weekend. But I just don't want to do those runs. I want to enjoy my family and not be in pain. So I think I will now back down my miles to the 6-7 miles I want to be my normal non-training weekend runs.

Another reason I am stepping away from the 1/2 Marathon is I need to get the scale moving in the right direction again. For the majority of this month, the scale has said 197. That is way, way to close to 200. And I gained weight the couple weeks before my 1/2 in October. I can't afford to gain. I don't want to wait another 5 weeks (last time my appetite was huge was 1-2 weeks after the race) to start losing weight again.

I am a little sad about not doing the race. But I am actually really excited to get back to runs I enjoy, and find new routes (the 9 miles I did today was NOT on the bike path! It was on real roads with real hills!).

I will return to Weight Watchers someday.....

The struggles continue. I know, I know, I know I need to buckle down and get back under 190. This past weekend I was 192.8 but went out to dinner both Saturday and Sunday and feeling huge right now.

Weekend runs haven't happened 2 weekends in a row. A week ago was my son's birthday and the weather wasn't great and I wanted to just sleep in....so I did.

I did get out for 4 miles last Tuesday.

This past weekend I planned on 7 miles but wasn't in a rush because we didn't have plans until 2:30, so I didn't hit the road until 9:30. It was freezing and very windy and I really, really didn't want to be out there. I had eaten poorly the night before and that is never a good recipe for a good long run. Literally 2 minutes into my run, during which I considered quitting the 1/2 and wondering if I should just quit running, my mom called with potentially bad news about my dad. I quit my run right then and there. Thankfully it was a false alarm and I could have gone back out and completed (well, started again) my run, but mentally I was done.

But I did get in another 4 miles this morning. 5 am. 13 degrees, wind chill of 6. Hello Spring....

Friday the 13th.....

I am just counting down the minutes until I can get out of here and another busy weekend begins.

2+ weeks of not posting is never a good thing. Not at all.

I skipped WW last Saturday and skipping again tomorrow as well. There are days when I feel like throwing in the towel - not quitting the journey, but quitting WW. I am hoping when/if my company renews their contract with WW in April that we will be able to do the Personal Coaching. I think that would really help.

The motivation of eating healthy just hasn't been there and that is reflected on the scale and how I feel. TOM is coming soon and I hope to rebound after that.

Right now i am stressed about my son's birthday (I loathe having birthday parties), my dad's illness, work, and the still lingering depression of this awful winter.

But in good news....

--Spring will officially be here next week! Wednesday it was almost 60! Granted it is going to pour tomorrow and snow on Sunday and be in the 30s next week......

--I've been running outside! March 1st I ran 4 miles, including hills, with the running group. 2 days later I got up at 4:30 am to run more hills. Last Sunday I found out they had been plowing a bike trail (not the normal one I run on) so I did 7 miles and this week I got up at 4:30 to run 3.5 miles with the group.

Tomorrow I am pulling out my spring clothes - I am pretty sure I didn't get rid of a lot of the bigger stuff because I know I will need it. But hopefully it will also be the incentive I need to get back into the 14s.

Weekly Weigh in

I made it to my meeting!! It had been 3 weeks and weeks since I allowed the receptionist to tell me I lost. When I know I've gained I tell the receptionist not to say anything.

Weight: 190.2

So close to being back in the 180s!

I ate well at work all week! I went to the grocery store last night and didn't get crap.

The bad news is that I am not racing tomorrow. My dad isn't doing well and with the race being at 11:00 (in the opposite direction of the hospital) it would make for a hard day. So I chose to skip the race (which means I am skipping the whole series) but am going to run with my running group - with some people I haven't run with before. I hope to find people I can run on Sundays with.

We have plans tonight which includes going out to dinner and I am going to try not to get out of control.

So far so good.....

I wish all weeks could be like this (okay, without the bad weather).

It is almost noon on Thursday and so far things are going well.

1) Wear my fitness monitors and try to get in more steps - Wearing them, not getting as many steps as I would like
2) Drink my water - Pretty good
3) No soda or hot chocolate --GOOD
4) No buying my lunch - GOOD
5) No snacking when I get home or desserts - GOOD

I am having lunch with a co-worker and I am NOT going to buy my lunch. I will pop my trusty Lean Cuisine pizza in the microwave and go meet her in the cafeteria.

The movement hasn't been very great. I continue to be busy at work, but not stressed,  so I have been sitting more than I would like. But I have been also getting up and doing some laps around the floor. But the highest I've reached this week was 7,500 which isn't great.

On the downside, I know why I've been able to be successful this week
1) No work stress
2) Not as much Dad stress
3) Simple, boring dinners
4) Ability to go to bed early

When the routine is there and not very exciting, I do well. But I can very easily get thrown off which is what I need to work on. Life is not easy and in order for me to be successful, I need to be able to keep myself in check through the good and the bad.

This weekend we are going to a college hockey game and will go out to dinner before. I will check out the menu and pick something reasonable. No beer. And I don't need snacks at the game.

Sunday I actually have a race! It is the 4 mile of my 3(which got postponed last weekend)-4-5 race. I haven't done any running this week. But I didn't do any during the week last year anyways, so I will just go and have fun.

Trying to get back into it.....

It is definitely hard around these parts. They were threatening more snow last week and this weekend - The end of last week didn't amount to much. My husband did have to snow blow on Sunday but it was only 2-3". Thankfully it didn't rain the 1" we were expecting because that would have wreaked havoc on everyone's roofs.

Last week was school break and my eating was completely out of hand. Thursday I had a huge deliverable and I was taking some time off in the afternoon to get the kids out of the house, so I snacked like crazy - to the tune of a box of Buffalo Wheat Thins and a bag of chocolate covered cranberries. After going to the bouncy place, my husband met us and we went to a Japanese Steakhouse, lots of fancy drinks and all. Friday I took the kids to the movies in the afternoon.

But school is back in session (though my husband did just have to go pick my daughter up because she complained of a stomach ache. Great.....) but I have told myself I need to get back on track.

1) Wear my fitness monitors and try to get in more steps
2) Drink my water
3) No soda or hot chocolate
4) No buying my lunch
5) No snacking when I get home or desserts

I am going to try to do that this work week and see how it goes. I HAVE to get back into the 180s (Scale this morning said 193 :(  )

I am here....barely.....

If you've had your head in the sand and not listened to the news, then you know it's been a rough month to live in the Boston area.

Up until January 23rd we really hadn't had much snow (except maybe if you consider the white Thanksgiving we had!). I had been running outside and was excited to continue doing so all winter long. We had some snow that day but the next morning I ran 7 miles outside in slush and ice and I tried my yacktracks. But then came Monday the 26th and the first of FOUR storms where we've gotten more than a foot - one of which was 2 1/2 feet! One or two which were blizzards (I can't remember if this past storm eventually was categorized as a blizzard). My kids had 4 snow days in less than 2 weeks and a 5th last week. They are on vacation now, a vacation they don't need - they are at each other's throats and driving us crazy.

I did manage to get 1 run in outside about 10 days ago - it was only 3 miles. But other than that it is just too dangerous because the roads are to narrow and even if you do run in the road, you can't jump off the road because the snowbanks are so high. I was signed up for 2 races this weekend - a 3 miler and a 7 mile leg of a marathon relay, both of which were cancelled because the roads are too bad. The relay was outright cancelled. The 3 miler is postponed to mid-April. Who knows if the 4 and 5 miler will get in. There isn't any melting going on so the roads aren't getting any better.

And let's not even talk about how all of this has affected my eating. Out.Of.Control. I sware everyone in Boston has gained 10 pounds in the last month. Stress, aggrivation, depression, boredom, annoyance, everything.

I dream of getting back outside running. I just hate the treadmill. I don't feel like my stride is right. I am afraid of getting hurt. Outside is where I love to be. But I need to start getting miles in. 1/2 training will officially start in a month, but I need to be running 6-7 mile long runs on the weekend.

On a good note, we booked a cruise for April of 2016 so something wonderful to look forward to!