I finally got on the scale once again after a long time and was horrified with the results, though not completely surprised. For a second it said 230, though flickered down to 229.6. Even today it was 227.6. But still, I was this heavy probably at 7 months pregnant with my son. I am so mad at myself - I did all of this on my own. I've eaten horribly, really over the last 16 months, but really over the last 6 months when we decided to move. I have been a complete bundle of stress. And right now the stress is at the all time high (well, in some regards - it was more stressful before we closed on the house) as we are living in 2 houses - most of our kitchen stuff is at the new house, we are trying to eat up the pantry and fridge and freezer of the old house. We are having to eat out a lot. I don't have time to plan for eating out or anything!
The season of birthdays is upon us. It is my husband's 40th so there will be a multitude of celebrations. I don't even care about mine - mine is last so everyone is sick of ice cream and cake by the time it is mine.
I am dreaming of August 3rd though, the day the movers get to wheel my treadmill through the basement door. The day we no longer have to live in 2 houses. The day I can start living again in small spurts (the stress will continue through August as my commute will double when I have to bring the kids down to our old town for camp and daycare, but that is only for 13 school days. One day at a time.
It may only be July 20th, but I already worry about fall clothes. Honestly, that is the main reason I am forcing myself back on the scale and having to think about things. Honestly, I worry that some of the size 18W pants I have from the spring won't fit (and I just remembered, the one pair I did like I had to throw away because I stained them and I couldn't get the stain out). But I WILL be buying pants in a few sizes this fall. When I rearrange my clothes (we don't have as much closet space in the new house but I can see it all at once as it is open) I am going to be realistic and only have out what fits, but have the smaller sizes easily accessible.
I am very excited about this next chapter in our lives and getting back on the wagon. I know I should start today, but I just can't.