Tuesday, November 30, 2010

My anxiety is annoying me

Of course I am very excited to go on our trip - I've been planning it for 11 months. But the anxiety about what the scale will say when I get back is annoying me.

I want to go on vacation and enjoy myself - Yes it will be stressful because it is such a short trip. But I've always said that I have incredibly low expectations about the trip - as long as my 4 year daughter gets to meet Cinderella, really,all the rest is gravy. We had originally planned on going back to the hotel for naps 2 days and trying to stay at the Magic Kingdom all day on Sunday, but I think we'll go back to the hotel that day as well. No point in running everyone ragged. Not at this age.

When I first starting planning the trip back in February, I really thought I would be at 172 by this trip. That is the weight I was when me and my husband starting dating, which is 8 years ago this coming Friday. But I am okay with not being anywhere near that goal.

But I am worried about is that the scale could actually say over 200 when I get back. I know that is insane - 9 lbs in 5 days, I really doubt it. And I know I can control it. But I don't even want it to say over 195. I've gone through the menus and looked at what I may have at the places that are not buffets or family style meals. It's the snacks I am a little bit more worried about. We'll be walking a lot I know. And I am bringing Fiber One bars to snack on. But I will have a few treats here and there. But this vacation is not an excuse to eat everything in sight and derail my progress.

I was back to 191.0 this morning and I've said all along that my goal for December 31st is to weigh the same (or less but I am not going to stress about that) than I do the day we leave for vacation.

But I am going to to stop stressing. I am going to enjoy my daughter's first Disney vacation (and only my second, the first being 10 years ago when I was 30), make smart choices but not stress, and take it all in.

Monday, November 29, 2010

Weight Watchers is taking over my day

I really should be doing a lot of work, but I am completely procrastinating by figuring out as much as I can about the new plan on-line. I will be on vacation during our At Work meeting on Thursday but I am going to try to go to a center where my leader teaches on Wednesday morning so I can get the materials and buy the calculator.

I am at 29 daily points, like a lot of the world it seems, since that is the minimum # of points. I think they take height and age into consideration - I don't think weight is as much of a factor since I am still considered obese and I get the minimum # of points. Though since there is no quiz to take, who knows if we'll every know how it is calculated.

I am not up at arms about the fact that my processed foods are now more points. My # of points a day went up by 5 (from 24 to 29) but the foods I eat breakfast - snack are now 20 points instead of 14. So I will need to spend some time evaluating my food choices and trying to make some changes. But that may not happen until after the holidays.

I know my biggest change I need to make is to stop eating a Lean Cuisine Deluxe Pizza every day for lunch - It was 7 points (though sometimes I cut it down to 6 points by literally cutting 1/7th of it out) and now it is 9 pts.

 I definitely have cut down on my processed foods from a year ago, but I definitely have room for improvement. I am one of those people this new program was designed for, so I will embrace it and see what happens.

Back to the grind...for 3 days

My long weekend was not the healthy eating, except for 1 meal, that I thought it would be. But it is Monday and I am back on track...For 3 days until we go on vacation for 5 days.

I really should have thrown away the rest of the apple pie that we didn't eat on Thursday and I didn't give to my parents. My husband prefers pumpkin pie and my kids apparently only like the ice cream next to the pie. So unfortunately I found myself finishing 1/2 the pie (not all at once!).

I spent the majority of the long weekend running around getting stuff organized for our trip, but that also resulted in some snacking and no real exercise at all. But in my defense, my foot is starting to bother me some (I had a mild case of plantar fasitis back in the spring) and I am worried about aggrivating it too much before vacation.

Saturday I went and bought tons of snacks for our trip - Wednesday I will organize what I actually bring. I got Fiber One bars for myself and a bunch of crackers and granola bar type stuff for the kids. We are on the Deluxe Dining Plan at Disney so some snacks come with that, but I don't want to be shelling out tons of money for crap food. None of us need it. Though I will try some of the tasty snacks Disney has to offer. I've only been their once, when I was 30, so I really don't know what to expect.

I did feel a little down this weekend because the scale wasn't saying very nice things. In the past 9 months, I would have used that as a reason to get back on track. But I didn't. I ate. An unfamiliar feeling and a feeling that sucks! I ate because I was stressed and anxious and excited. But I am back on track today for the next 3 days. Maybe, just maybe, I can lose 1.2 lbs in that time?! I doubt it, but I will try.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Weekly Weigh In

Last Week: 191.2
This Week: 192.4
Change: +1.2

The gain was definitely expected, though I was up over 3 lbs at one point. But even my dinners this week were larger, with seconds a couple times. My husband likes to have rolls for Thanksgiving but I decided last year that we just don't need them so I made rolls with our Wednesday pasta.

We had dinner today at 4:00 instead of our 1:00 - 2:00 of years past. My husband and I decided that we'll definitely do that from now on. Today the Patriot's were playing at the 12:30 game so I made a bunch of fancy appetizers (not normal football fare) to eat for lunch. I love appetizers, so I think we may do that in the future for lunch on Thanksgiving, but eat more around noon.

I only had one helping for dinner. I really don't love Thanksgiving food except for the stuffing. And I didn't finish my dessert. I did feel full, though not stuffed. It wasn't a nice feeling.

We have a week before we leave on vacation - I am going to try to eat healthy and smart from now until then. I'd love to be down to at least 191.0 (which I was last Friday) by then.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Thankful for my children....

It seems so cliche to be thankful for your kids. But Thanksgiving time really hits home for me.

5 years ago today, it was Thanksgiving day, and I found out I was pregnant with my daughter. It was the end of the day, on a whim (after a couple glasses of wine!) I decided to test, even though it was early (I wasn't even late yet) - the line was so faint, so faint I didn't even show it to my husband. But a test the next day was definitely positive, though I still braved Black Friday to drive to Walmart to get a bunch more tests. I did pray that Thanksgiving night that I would have a baby for the next Thanksgiving. My mom had had 6 miscarriages, so I was very scared for what the future might bring. The future brought a beautiful baby girl on 8/7/06.

Thanksgiving 2007 was spent recovering from a miscarriage at 13 weeks. I didn't want to eat. I wanted to loose the 10 lbs I had gained in that first trimester. I prayed that I would be pregnant the next Thanksgiving.

And I was. The week before Thanksgiving 2008 I was 22 weeks and was supposed to go on vacation to Florida. Since I was at a high-risk for an incompetent cervix, though I had had no issues with my daughter, my OB wanted to check before I went on vacation and what he found was a 2 cm cervix when it should be well over 3 cm. So I was put on bedrest - At this point I was 10 days shy of viability. So we had no idea what the future would bring. I prayed that for Thanksgiving 2009 I would have a 8-9 month old baby. Thankfully, 14 weeks of bedrest (not strict bedrest, I was able to work from home) allowed me to walk into my c-section at 39w on St Patrick's Day 2009. And my prayers were answered.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Trying to get back on the wagon

I actually ate well all day yesterday at work. It is easy when you bring your breakfast, lunch and 2 snacks to work, and don't succumb to the cafeteria. Dinner was pretty good, though I did have 1/2 an extra helping of chicken enchiladas - one of my favorite meals. But the scale stayed the same this morning. Usually on the day AF arrives I see this mega-dip on the scale. Very weird. I wish it would hurry up and get here. I do miss the days of being on the Pill - AF was 36 hours long. I barely noticed it was there. And it arrived within the same 2 hour window every 4th Tuesday.

Another thing I don't like about being off the Pill is PMS. I guess I shouldn't say that it necessarily has to do with being off the Pill and maybe just the nature of the beast of having a 4 year old and a 1 year old. But I definitely feel that my PMS is worse than it used to be and I don't like feeling so crabby. But I don't want to go back on the Pill at age 40 when I don't need it for birthcontrol anymore.

So I just want to get through today. Ignore the cupcakes at home :) And start preparing for Thanksgiving and tomorrow I can write about what I am thankful for.

Monday, November 22, 2010

3 day set-back

3 days, up 3 lbs. Ugh. But I should be able to get back on track today. I have to! I was not at all pleased with my behaviour over the weekend. I had Kraft Mac & Cheese both days for lunch. I had 3 homemade cupcakes. Meals were unplanned. I didn't drink much water. I nibbled. Overall, not good at all. Add AF should be here tomorrow and PMS was in full steam, it was not good!

But today is another day. I do have a lot of stressful things to do at work in the next 3 days. Thankfully Wednesday I can work from home so I can get my Thanksgiving shopping done.

Vacation is 10 days away and I want those 10 days to be overall a good food experience. I don't like Thanksgiving food and that is only 1 meal out of 30.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Cheesecake Factory

I was so good all week, making choices at restaurants, at home and at work. But I also knew that Friday night I was going to go to the Cheesecake Factory with my BFF, who I only see 2x a year.

I usually work from home on Fridays but my presence was required at work. I did order breakfast there. Yes, I know I did it because I knew I didn't have to weigh-in officially for 2-3 weeks. I never order breakfast during the week because weigh-in is on the horizon. But I figure a Friday every once in a while is okay. If I have to start going in every Friday, which is a distinct possibility, then it will be a every-few-months occasion. Ordering breakfast means: breakfast sandwich and a yogurt parfait. Yummy.

At Cheesecake I had 1 piece of bread (could have skipped that), few sips of wine (I really should have sent it back - it was beyond warm. Yuck), summer rolls (really just shrimp, veggies and those thin skins - nothing deep fried), a cobb salad ("small" size on CF standards, but I hate to know how many calories), and a piece of cheesecake. I go to CF 1-2 a year - I've definitely overindulged before. I was concerned about the volume of food I was able to consume without feeling full. But I didn't feel guilty. It is called living.

Of course I feel kind of gross this morning. I planned on getting on the scale this morning but my daughter decided to get up at an unreasonable time this morning and I didn't feel like shlepping back upstairs and risk waking up my son. But today is a new day.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Weekly Weigh In

Last Week: 194.0
This Week: 191.2
Change: -2.8
Total Since 3/25/2010: -24.8

And all my hard work this week paid off :)

I am actually down a total of 26.8 at WW, which we started in February.

So what now? Still working towards 189 by December 1st. Then get back to 189 by December 31st.

I am very excited about hearing about the new program, but I am not sure if I am going to start following it until after the holidays. We'll have to see.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Restaurant Test was a success

I did have a 1 pt cheese stick and some turkey pepperoni before I left so I wasn't starving. And I stuck to my plan. No alcohol, no popcorn. I had the small portion of turkey tortellini salad  (I probably could have had less ranch dressing). And the scale rewarded me with 192.4 this morning. One more day and hopefully it stays down.

Over the weekend I put all of my Size 18 pants in the donate pile and my husband took them over. So now for work I am left with 1 pair of 16W khakis and 2 pairs of size 16 pants. They are a tad snug but that is okay. It is so easy for me to wear such baggy clothes, but it is a nice change to wear something that is a tad small but because I am going down in sizes, instead of that horrible feeling when you know you have to run out at lunch and buy the bigger size because you can't take it any more. Hopefully I will never, ever have to do that again!

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Weight loss on the brain

I hate the days when I can't think of anything else except weight-loss and food. I want the days to hurry up and be over so I can go to sleep and wake up the next morning and see what the scale says. But that is no way to go through life, wanting the days to pass by. Well, in my case, right now I do. We are going on a wonderful vacation in 16 days, so yes, I want time to hurry up!

But in today's case I want the day to fly by so I can go out and have another Restaurant Test. I am excited to see my friend too. But I want to know if I can resist the alcohol and the popcorn. If I can just have the small portion of the dinner I plan and be okay with it. I should be. I try to not eat much at dinner and since this is a Tuesday before weigh-in, if I want that 25 lb weight, I HAVE to be good. But I have so much stress going on at work right now. I just want the day to be over....At it is only 9:15.

On a good note, the scale was back to 192.8 this morning, which is what I need to be at to get my 25 lb. I really hope it happens!

Monday, November 15, 2010

Focus, focus, focus until Thursday

I was up even more this morning - 194.4, but I had salty food yesterday. I did make some good choices, some not-so-good.

For lunch my daughter wanted "Mummy Hotdogs" - hot dogs wrapped in crescent rolls and baked. They were turkey dogs, but I had 2 of them.

She had a birthday party to go to, and despite the cake being an insanely yummy looking cake, for the first time, I passed on a piece.

My parents and cousins came over for dinner - I didn't have wine, I only had 1 piece of Hawaiian pizza. I did have 2 servings of salad which have feta and walnuts in it. And I did have one serving of dessert - brownies with vanilla ice cream and raspberry sauce. Yummy.

I'd say the next 3 days would be easy to get back to 192.8, but tonight's dinner is a little up in the air - I think we're doing the first Chicken A La King of the cold-weather season. I could try to skip the roll or replace it with whole wheat bread. But the salt in the Creamy of Celery soup we use will probably not reflect well on the scale tomorrow. Tomorrow night I am going out to dinner with a friend - the plan is to drink water, not beer, don't eat the popcorn at the table, and have either veggie ravioli or turkey tortellini salad - this is going to be a hard one to stick to!

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Test #1: Mexican Restaurant

I weighed in on Saturday at 192.8 - woo-hoo!

Saturday we had to do errands with the kids around lunch time, so I knew we'd end up eating out somewhere. We chose our favorite mexican restaurant which we haven't been to in a while - I also knew it would be a good test of making some healthier choices. I knew I wouldn't be perfect. First - I didn't order soda, though I have been doing this for months. I really only like regular Coke in a can, so ordering it in a restaurant isn't worth it. Also I skipped the queso dip, which was hard. I did have quite a few chips and salsa -their salsa is amazing. Really chunky and fresh. We did get wings for an appetizer, which is what the kids eat. And I ordered the steak quesadilla instead of the steak fajita taco, as it wouldn't come with rice or refried beans. But I did put sour cream and guacamole on it.

Even though I had steak at lunch, we also had steak tips for dinner with baked potato. I took out most of the inerds of the potato out - I intended to eat the skin, but I wasn't really hungry so I didn't eat much.

I was 1 lb up this morning - that is okay. Todays challenges will be: 1) Not having cake at a kid's birthday party. And my mom is bringing my visiting cousins over for dinner - we are ordering pizza, having salad, and she is bringing brownies/ice cream/ raspberry sauce for dessert. I'll only have 1 piece of pizza, some salad and a small amount of dessert.

As long as I can get back to the 192.8 by Thursday I should get my 25 lb weight, but I want to try to get down to 192, but I also have a dinner our on Tuesday night.

Friday, November 12, 2010

Keep the momentum going....

My typical week is weigh-in on Thursday, do well on Thursday so I am even less on Friday, say 'Wow, I can definitely make my goal for next Thursday' but I sabotage myself sometime between Friday and Sunday and spend the next 3 days trying to lose and end up with a maintain on Thursday.

Yesterday I was 194.2, this morning I was 193.2. I ate perfectly yesterday - I counted my 10 points for dinner. I didn't have ice cream with my family (which I did not feel deprived about).

But my goal for next Thursday is really only 192.8, but 192 would be even better. Still want to be 189 by December 2nd.

So I've got to keep the momentum going, work the plan, track, don't nibble, make wise choices during my 1-2 meals out this week. I can do it!

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Another week...let's see how it goes

So it has been 2 weeks since I've seen a loss. 2 weeks since I first and last saw 193.#. I am dieing to see it again! I am dieing to see 192.#. I want my 25 lb. I want to get back into my groove of weight loss. I want to exercise again! Even better, I want to see 189.8!

I went to my WW meeting today but didn't weigh in. It was all about Thanksgiving. I don't like Thanksgiving. To me, any holiday that doesn't involve chocolate is a waste :) Valentine's Day, Easter and Christmas all involve chocolate. 4th of July doesn't, but I love strawberries and blueberries, so I am okay with it. I just don't love Thanksgiving food. The happiest part of the day is at 11:58 when Santa arrives at Herald's Square and that signifies the beginning of the Christmas season. My favorite time of year aside from the month of May.

But knowing that I have 5 days in early December that could completely derail my weight-loss plans is daunting. I am SO excited to go to Disney. I am a giddy little school girl. But I just want to bring it on so I can see how my weight fares on the back end (literally and figuratively!). Sucks because I am have so much work to do between now and then! So much stress.

But aside from our vacation, I am going to really try to minimize the Christmas festivities from a food standpoint. My daughter is too young to know or care so I can skip one more year. I'll do a little, but not go overboard. I need to have Christmas dinner (on Christmas Eve), Christmas breakfast (which I can do okay at) and New Year's Even dinner of cheese and chocolate fondue. Really, that is it. I don't need to bake anything. We are away for all our annual Christmas parties. I will survive. I will work out!

Weekly Weigh In

Last Week: 194.0
This Week: 194.2
Change: +.2
Total Loss since 3/25/2010: -21.8

I am disappointed with thes slight gain, but I can't say I didn't deserve it. This weekend I displayed behaviors that I hadn't in a while - grazing, nibbling, picking. Not good. I really need to get back to tracking. I so badly want to hit 192.8 but really I would love to be 189 in 3 weeks from today. But that means hard work. I've got 2 evenings out next week and Thanksgiving and I could feasibly see us going out to lunch this weekend. But that should be it. I should be able to be "good" for 3 weeks.

As for exercise, it has now been 4 weeks. I've still got a wee-bit of a cold, but I am thinking on Saturday morning I might try to get back on the treadmill. I will honestly say I miss it!

Monday, November 8, 2010


I didn't weigh in at all over the weekend and I didn't eat very well either. I didn't eat a lot of candy or anything, but nibbles and pinches here and there, which isn't good. I didn't want to get on the scale this morning - I was pleasantly surprised that it only said 195.0. But I really need to get back on the program.

I feasibly could only go to WW the next 2 weeks and then only 1 more time until the end of the year, because, since I have the vacation days left, I am scheduled to be out almost all Thursdays in December, since we have a lot of Fridays off as well. I am thinking I need to change at least a couple of those so I can make it to my meeting.

My cold is going on 3 1/2 weeks now - 3 1/2 weeks since I have worked out. It is still lingering, though getting better. I could possibly work out tomorrow morning, but I am thinking not - I am scared of a relapse. But I am eager to get back to working out. Of course I am going to have to go back to just walking, when, before I got sick, I was ready to move on to other things.

I still want to be at 189 on December 31st. I'll try. I'll really try.

Friday, November 5, 2010

Weekly Weigh In

I forgot to come post yesterday

Last Week: 193.4
This Week: 194.0
Change: +.6
Total since 3/25/2010: -22 lbs

I did go to WW and I was down 1.2 since I had missed last week - .8 away from my 25 lb weight. I would love to get it next week - though as of mid-day Friday I am not doing real well. I haven't hit the candy today even though I am home alone, but instead I've been grazing which isn't good either.

I am feeling better, but not 100%. I hope to start working out by Tuesday. I am so stressed with work - I hate this feeling so much!

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

I don't need any more candy....

I have eaten my 12 designated pieces of candy. What is going to be hard is to stick to it. Tomorrow we are donating the rest of my daughter's candy, but only after we pull some out for her to eat. I will not pull out any more for me. I will not pull out any more for me. I will not pull out any more for me.

Honestly, I haven't been able to fully enjoy the 12 pieces I have eaten because of this cold. The stuffiness has affected my sense of smell and my taste buds, so I haven't gotten the full flavor of the treats.

But I doubt I will be maintaining this week. I will most likely show a loss from 2 weeks ago. But I doubt I'll be where I was a week ago. Which means I have to work that much harder in the next week to get to my 25 lb weight. And I have a lot of stressful work to do in the next week. It is going to be hard.

Monday, November 1, 2010

Getting Back on It

On a good note, since Thursday, I have only had 3 pieces of Halloween candy. 1 on Thursday and 2 on Sunday. I picked out 9 other pieces from my daughter's bag and hopefully that will be it. I will try my hardest to avoid any candy that is around here at work. I didn't bring any of mine here. I did make my husband bring the remainder of the candy that we didn't hand out into work. And we'll eventually ditch the rest of my kid's candy.

The scale was pretty scary this morning. 196.8.

Friday - I had popcorn and soda for lunch at the movies.
Saturday - I went out to lunch in NYC, had a PB&J sandwich before the wedding, and then a slow trail of food and alcohol from 8 pm - 1 am at the wedding
Sunday - Ate breakfast out, then junk on the way home, and then a small dinner - but really not enough fruit or veggies in the last 3 days

I am still battling this bad cold - It is driving me crazy

If I can get back to 193.4 by Thursday, then I will be thrilled.