Friday, January 27, 2012

Plans to make progress

I had my first call with the Phone Coach through our work. She was a nurse and I have a call with a dietician in 3 weeks. After that I am not sure how often I will have calls - I am hoping every week. My "homework" for the next 3 weeks is to start running again 3 times a week (I have only been doing it once a week) and add in biking 1 time a week. Also I need to keep a food journal and try to limit my dinners to one portion.

Life is going to take a different turn pretty quickly. My husband got a new job and he starts on Wednesday! He has been home for 10 months. So my evenings will now be very hectic - 2 pick ups, make dinner, eat as a family (though my husband probably won't be home). 3 years ago before we did family dinners, I would feed my daughter, then I would eat (not the same food as her) and my husband would eat after she went to bed (again, not what I made).

As hectic as it will all be, I am really, really excited! I am even trying to see if I can get my husband to get up early with me to work out.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

He is almost 3, not a newborn!

I had my gym clothes all laid out last night, but my son was up TWICE in the middle of the night. Lately he's been coming into our bed and we've been too lazy to get up and bring him back, but when he is in our bed, we don't sleep well. He came in at 12:30 and 4:30 - both times I brought him straight back, though the first time he was soaking wet because we put him to bed with a pull-up instead of diaper by mistake. I did feel like a new mom feeling around in the dark for a new pair of pjs.

Yesterday was yet another "good day" at work - ie I ate all my food I brought, though I was incredibly bored at work so I ate my lunch at noon instead of 1 and my snack at 3 instead of 4. Dinner was a big fail - 2 large portions plus dessert. Though we did throw the rest of the homemade Dragon cake I had made over the weekend (to celebrate the chinese new year).

Our menu planning has gotten completely off track for this week, so tonight is Breakfast for Dinner and I have no idea for tomorrow night since we had Wednesday's dinner on Sunday. I hate these weeks that get so disorganized. But tomorrow night is another night of menu planning and hopefully next week's meals will go a little more smoothly.

Monday, January 23, 2012

I love feeling sore!

No pain, no gain. I love being sore. I miss feeling this way so much! But is it enough to get me out of bed in the morning and lift weights. No, sadly. But I want it to be!

Thank you for your well wishes for my MIL. She saw the oncologist this morning and it is Stage 3 squamous cell lung cancer. But my husband doesn't know anything more than that. Hopefully this is yet another wake up call for him to be more healthy. To be healthy at all! He just doesn't want to be. Everytime I bring up being healthy, he throws my weight in my face. But was he doesn't understand, or doesn't care to, is I think about being healthy Am I doing what I should to be healthy? No. But I WANT to be. I want to be healthy for me and for him and for our kids. He doesn't seem to care to want to be healthy. And if he does, he doesn't vocalize it at all.

The Patriots going to the Super Bowl 10 years later is a reminder that it has been 10 years since I was active. On December 31, 2001 I decided to attempt to hike Mt Rainier in August of 2002. I spent 7 1/2 months working out and lifting weights and hiking, hiking, hiking. I never made it to the top, as altitude sickness stopped me, but I was damn proud of myself. But I was burnt out. I came down from the mountain and haven't hiked once since. Over the past 9+ years I've gained weight and been less and less healthy (along with dating and then marrying my husband and having 2 kids!).

I just want to get back to that healthy person so badly!

Sunday, January 22, 2012

3 weeks in, not great...

Just because the first 3 weeks of the year have been nothing stellar in the slightest, doesn't mean I have to write off the whole year!

Today I ran for only the second time since my New Year's 5k. 2 weeks ago I ran outisde but only made it 2.25 miles and then walked 2.12 miles home. It was a psychological thing that I didn't go 5K.

Today I ran 5K on my treadmill - it was the first time I had done that. Only the second time I have been on a treadmill since before Thanksgiving. But we finally have snow in the ground (and it was 11 degrees this morning) - it snowed yesterday, so I didn't want to risk running outside (unlike last weekend when there wasn't any snow on the ground, but was only 5 degrees on Sunday morning, but I just didn't do anything).

Needless to say, my eating has been horrible. My saying I would not only weigh every day BUT also right it down - I haven't written it down in over 10 days. I am going to print out my weight journal so I can right it on a piece of paper each morning and then transfer it to the computer when I get to work.

Part of my poor habits are due to 2 pieces of bad news we received on the same day a couple of weeks ago. Dan stumbled onto a job interview and while he interviewed well, the feeling was that he did not have enough experience for the job. So we wonder if the last 10 months of studying have been for nothing - will he he have to take the same type of job he already had, and have we been mistaken and his salary could have been too high for his position. To take the same type of job and potentially have to take a pay cut would be devastating to our desires to move. On a good note, the hiring manager really liked Dan and while the job posting has been pulled (the client went with an internal candidate, so we've been told) there is a slight possibility they could find a position for him.

On a more grave note, my MIL has been diagnosed with lung cancer. We are awaiting word on how serious it is and what her prognosis is. She can not have chemo as she only has 1 functioning kidney and chemo would leave her with no kidney function, resulting in dialysis. We don't feel that his mother is long for this world. This news sends more uncertainity into our already uncertain year.

But the good news is our New England Patriots are going back to the Super Bowl! I had been holding off signing up for my February race, but signed up tonight for both February and March! February is called the Super 5K which the first year was 10 years ago when the Patriots were in the SB the first time. And the March race is an irish race on March 18 - my son was born on St Patrick's Day, so it should be fun.

I am pretty proud of myself on my run today. It was miserable, I was miserable, but I made myself do it. My time was so-so: 38:21. I finished the run at 6.0! But as one point went down to 4.5, and I removed the incline also. I also stripped during the run! I mistakenly wore my typical outside long shirt and short shirt, but since it was 10:00 am and even though I was in the basement, it was pretty warm!

My plan is to start the C25K again, faster - maybe I will start with week 3. I can't just run at the same speed on a treadmill forever. So, so, so boring! I think I need new music with a faster pace.

Hopefully I am out of this funk. Mid-winter is only 2 weeks away! While there is now snow on the ground, I am okay with that. Last winter was just brutal and horrible. But things are looking up!

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Writing to get over a rough spot

How many different reasons/excuses to we make for overeating?!

Yesterday was another great day. Ate well, left on time, made dinner for the family, packed healthy lunches for the kids, organized my "family bible" which is a notebook that contains all the ideas for kids breakfasts/lunches/snacks, all my WW info, all our go-to meals and the meals I want to try, all that sort of stuff.

At 8:00 I remembered I had to make a small change for something at work, which turned into 3+ hours of work so zero down time last night. I had to wake up early to get stuff done, and here after 1 pm I am just coming up for air. I almost didn't come into work because I wasn't sure I could spare the hour of commuting.

I dressed in my WW outfit and planned on going to the 11:00 meeting, but couldn't move away from my desk. I was starving and I didn't have time to heat up my lunch so I had a co-worker bring me a sandwich and pasta salad from the cafeteria. Definitely more than the 10 pt LC pizza I had. I almost had her bring me a 12 oz soda even though I had 8 oz in my bag. But I refrained.

The stress is over and obviously I have a little time to waste since I am on-line, but I have that 'I want a reward feeling', anxiety, something. I just had a huge lunch and I know I am physically not hungry. I just feel like rewarding myself. I won't. I usually don't at work anyways. But the fact that I am even thinking about it! I hate this feeling.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Finally excited to wake up this morning...

I ate well all day yesterday, thus was excited to jump out of bed and see what the scale said. I know, I know. I do let the scale define me. But not like last year. It was because I knew I had done well yesterday and thus I should see a change in the scale. Last year, while I did step on the scale often, I didn't record it and it usually was dread. But it should have been, because I knew my actions of the day before not only weren't condusive to a loss, but most likely were causing a gain. And I didn't record the number and I didn't care about the number and use it to try to make it an on-plan day. I just didn't care.

Another big change yesterday. I have documented here a lot that part of the reason for my 2011 gain, was due to the fact that my husband has been making dinner for the last 9 months. So I asked him if he would pick up the kids on Tuesdays and Wednesdays so I could go straight home and make dinner. I was just so excited about it! Of course when he goes back to work, I'll be doing both pickups (in 2 different places) and dinner with them running around. But this is a great start. I knew that the vegetables didn't have butter on them, I controlled my portion, I felt in control and it felt great!

Sunday, January 1, 2012

First 5K of the year down

I timed myself at 38:00 exactly guntime. The official results are not in yet.

This was a bigger race that I had been in before. 1500+ were registered prior to the race. We got pretty cool wicking long sleeve shirts my first medal! Which also is a bottle stopper (I really need to start posting pictures here. I get so lazy about posting them though)

It was almost 50 degrees here in Massachusetts at 11 am. While we were lined up I already wished I hadn't worn my long sleeve shirt (I wear a short sleeve shirt over a long sleeve shirt - the long sleeve is too short so the long sleeve helps cover the gut! The second half of the race was directly in the sun - I need to start practicing running in sunglasses. I wear sunglasses 99% of the time outside, even when most normal people wouldn't, because I have very sensitive eyes and if I squint at all I get a headache. But I only started running outside after week 6 of C25K and all my training has been early in the morning. I am not sure if my cheapo glasses would do well while running and we don't have the $ right now to spend on equipment.

I continue to worry about how I will do in the sun/heat. I plan on doing all of my training early in the morning once it is light enough again. I just heat up so quickly and it takes me a long time to recover. I need to drink more water than the norml person. I found my camelback last night so I will probably take that, even to run 3 miles.

So how was the race? The holiday feasting, and lack of running, has slowed me down, but I talked myself through not walking - if I walk, I have a very hard time getting going again. I literally was talking out loud towards the end of the race to keep me going. I was dragging. The course was so-so. From 1.6 - 2.9 miles was one long straight away which I don't really like because at every light (it was a busy street) I kept thinking we were done even though I knew we weren't mileage wise.

I need to work on my recovery - 2 out of my 3 races have been over holiday weekends, so once I am done I come home, take a shower, put on my pjs and just veg (and eat) for the rest of the day. I physically felt better the race where I was out and about after the race.

Happy New Year!

This morning I woke up and weighed myself - groaned (211.8) and then made up my weight-tracking spreadsheet for 2012. I was reminded how little I used my tracker in 2011 which did do some part of assisting in the 20 lb weight gain. I know I weighed myself more then I put in the spreadsheet, but since I was never thrilled with the results, I didn't bother putting it in.

Also, I wasn't using my WW 3 month tracker where I would jot down the weight in the morning and then put it in my computer when I got to work.I want to use my WW tracker this year, but I think I will have my tracker on our home computer so I can run up in the morning and put it in - whether good, bad or ugly.

I remember all those days of 2010 when I would jump out of bed and run to the scale, excited about what it might say. I knew I had done the work the day before that could result in a loss. Even if there was a maintenance or a slight gain, I knew it would happen, i would taken ownership of it and do what I needed to do to be excited by the scale the next day.

In 2010 I told myself that I would step on the scale every day, no matter what. I said I wouldn't let the result affect my day - I used to believe that if I saw a gain, then it would mean the day would suck. And I let that happen again this year. I was so stressed in all areas of my life that I didn't want the scale the ruin the day even more, so more often than not I would not step on it.  Or if I did step on it, I wouldn't record it. And even when the results was a gain, I wouldn't alter my day because of it. Hence, 1 year later, 20 lbs heavier.

I know there are a lot of people that don't let the scale run their lives. But I need to weigh in every day. I need to write it down. If I don't, I gain. That is just me. So that is what I am going to do in 2012.

As I was cleaning up my tracker, I unfortunately had to erace some of the 'goals accomplished' since I had such a slide. But there was one area where I got to add a lot of checks. That was moving! I had several goals - 1 to be able to walk for an hour, and then several indicating how fast I would be able to walk, ranging from 3.2 mph to 3.7 mph. I can do all of those. There was nothing about running!

Last night, during our typical boring NYE, I cleaned up our work out area. I pumped up the tires on my stationary bike. I moved the kids bikes to very inconvenient places in order to be able to access my weight bench. I should have no excuse to do some weights this year! To do more than C25K - not that that is a bad thing.

Off I go to run a 5K - not sure how I am going to do. I really feel pretty sick. I am pretty sure doing this will make me sicker, but I want to do it. There is almost 2000 people signed up for it, so I want the experience of a "real" race, with chips on the bib. And it is a good way to start the year. If I didn't do it, I would be afraid of what else I might give up on during the rest of the year.