Friday, December 30, 2011

The good and the new

2011 wasn't ALL bad...

I did complete 2 5Ks (though I am worried about New Year's Day - I woke up this morning with a majorly stuffy nose and sore throat :( )

My 5 year old daughter graduated from Preschool and started Kindergarten, she was in a dance recital, she learned to skate, she made amazing strides in swimming, she's loving gymnastics, she's decided that she loves to perform and sing, she's making a ton of new friends in school, she's learning to read and write, her imagination has really taken off, she's growing like a weed. I am so proud of her.

My almost 3 year old son has made leaps and bounds with his speech. He started the year with only a handful of words, now he is speaking 10-15 word sentences. He amazes me every day with what comes out of his mouth. We pulled the front off his crib so now he sleeps like a big boy. He's moved into the Preschool room at school. While he runs off like a typical 2 year old, he loves his gymnastics class. He is still my snuggle-bug mama's boy and I love it!

We didn't let Dan's unemployment get us down - we still took vacations to Sesame Place, Cape Cod and New Hampshire. We took advantage of all the snow and built snow forts and went tubing and sledding. We looked for frogs in the pond, we took pictures of the leaves and flowers growing and opening, we picked strawberries. We went swimming almost every day, we went to the beach, we watched a cool 4th of July parade, we rode rides at amusement parks. We picked apples and pumpkins and made colorful collages out of leaves, we raked and jumped into leaves. We made beautiful ornaments and decorations for Christms, we visited the Enchanted Village like I had as a child, we made it through Christmas without a stomach bug! We could have done more, but we DID have a good year.

And what is on the docket for 2012? It truely is the year of the unknown. I am not making any resolutions, no goals to obtain. I just want to live better and that means:

Eating healthier, cleaner, and most importantly less
Move more - running, biking, swimming (no, I am not training for a triathalon!), lifiting weights, walking, hiking, ?back to rock climbing, moving more as a family
Be more patient with my kids and my husband (he and I both need to work on this)
Be more wise with our money

We'd love to move into single family home (we are in a large townhouse right now)  - if it doesn't work out this year, then it will be in 2013

Obviously for my husband, his #1 priority is finding a job

As for the kids, there would be things that would be nice:

For my daughter I would love it if she is out of pull-ups at night, that she try riding her bike without training wheels, that she continues her love of reading and writing, that she officially learns to swim

For my son I would love it if he is potty trained during the day, that he gets rid of the binkie, that we finally can figure out if he is left handed or right handed, that the Terrible Three's don't end up being that bad

As a family I hope that we can make it back to Storyland, to make it Florida, that we grow closer as we grow older, that we have as many and more great experiences as we did last year.

And the most important, I hope that all of us and our parents continue to have their health.

Here is to the great unknown of 2012! Happy New Year!

Bye bye bad year

2011 really did suck for us - it started on Christmas Day last year with everyone getting the stomach bug.

And here I am, 20 lbs heavier than I was this day last year. Yep, the scale said 209.6 this morning. That is a 24 lb gain from my lowest point on February 25th. The weight gain was definitely brought on my these bad things from the year:
Dan getting laid off….stressful, but in the long run the best thing every
Dan’s surgery….with people we know facing cancers and other life threatening illnesses, it was nothing but extremely stressful for me as I had 3 babies to take care of for 8 weeks and our dreams for the summer disappeared

Stress of mammogram….this really was my major stressor this year - I was extremely anxious all year because of it. I've got to figure out how to live with it because as I well know, any year they could find something, but I can't let it paralyze me like it did. Just the thought of being sick or dieing and leaving my children motherless is more than I can bear.
Lack of exercise….I tried exercising in January, I tried exercising right before Dan's accident. But I did successfully complete C25K, just not with the time I wanted, and I didn't do any other cardio or strength training like I wanted

Not as good with our money as we should have been…but we saved for dan’s school and provided well for our children

The disappointment of maybe not being able to move in 2012 - We should have rung in 2012 with our major house repairs done, ready to go rent a storage unit and put our house on the market in March. Besides Dan's employment status, this is our big unknown (as of now) for 2012. Who knows where we will be ringing in 2013.

A really, really long winter…last winter, with snow cover from December 1 - March 25, really sucked the life out of a lot of people and really left me gun-shy when it came to this winter. The Halloween storm freaked me out thinking we might see snow from October 31 on, but it had been unseasonably warm this fall. Even if we got a blizzard a week in January like we did last year, I think I would be oky with it.
3 ½ weeks of bronchitis ….but I got back to running and did my first 5K

Besides C25K, I did really nothing for myself – I didn’t make any traction with any of my hobbies, and now I am well a year behind in scrapbooking. This was another thing that really sucked this year. That and I was used to having 10 hours a week to myself in my house and I don't think I have had 10 hours, probably not even 5, since March. I need that me time, I need my alone time. Without it I am not a happy person and the PMSing even makes it worse.

But on to the good.....

Monday, December 26, 2011

Not my greatest run ever....

For December 26th in New England, it was beautiful weather - 39 degrees at 10 am. After the horrendous winter we had last year, I would be okay if it was in the 30s all winter and had no snow (okay, a storm or two, followed by a nice thaw would be okay). Last winter we had snow on the ground from December 1 - March 25. It was a long, long, long cold, snowy winter.

I could really feel the lack of exercise and overindulgence in my run. And serious dehydration too. Pretty quickly I felt lower back and ankle pain. I pushed and pushed myself to go 2.46 miles in 33:42. It was really hard but I was proud of myself for pushing myself even that hard. I was miserable and I thought I would give up after a mile, then 1.6 miles, then 2.0 miles. I could have pushed myself to 3.11 miles but I would probably have practically been walking by then. I was afraid of hurting myself and I want to be able to get in a 5K run prior to my race on Sunday.

I was also distracted during the run, trying to rearrange my dinner schedule from now through Sunday. Usually on NYE we have cheese fondue and chocolate mousse. With how dehydrated I was today, I don't want all that cheese the night before so we'll have boring old spaghetti. My kids are only 5 and 2 so they won't care! I need to drink a ton of water and let up on some (not all!) of the treats before then.

It felt really, really good to get out today. I wish I had found the time in the last 2 weeks, even to get on the treadmill downstairs. But I got out today so i am happy. I do need a race to look forward to to keep me going though - without the NYD run, I probably wouldn't have gotten out today.

Getting Ready to Run

The kids actually slept in a little late - 7:45! Usually they are up at 6:00 am on the weekends, even though we have to pry them out of bed at 6:15 during the week. I promptly ate a banana and some pancakes with peanut butter in preparation for going for a run on a couple of hours.

I never thought I would be so excited to get out and run! Though I am pretty nervous because it has been over 2 weeks since I did everything. And right now I feel so bloated and out of sorts, mainly because our eating schedule has been so off for the last several days.

I am doing my best to try to just sit and relax and enjoy my daughter's first Christmas vacation - I am working from home on Wednesday and going into the office on Thursday, other than that I am off. But really all I want to do is clean up all this mess, put my house back in order, and get the new year started. But I refrain.

Growing up we always took down the tree and decorations on New Year's Day. No way I can wait that long! I need the house to be back in shape when we wake up on New Year's Day. I've decided that the evening of December 28th will be when we take everything down. Then I can have a couple of days to re-org the house, go food shopping to restock the pantry with healthy foods and a calm can come over me for the new year.

I love Christmas. I absolutely love it! And I will admit that a certain sadness comes over me during the evening of Christmas Day. That the Christmas spirit kind of gets sucked out of me. I lose my desire to see Christmas lights or hear Christmas music. The good thing is I lose the desire to eat Christmas treats as well :)

I was pretty disappointed at how much candy my husband put under the tree for me. Sure my behaviour this year has not demonstrated that I would care about treats for Christmas. He seemed that in order to increase the number of gifts for me under the tree, he wrapped a lot of the normal candy stuff that would go in my stocking and put it under the tree. Luckily everyone at work tends to bring in their stuff after the holidays so it won't all go to waste.

Bring on the running. I can't wait!

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Popping in before Christmas

I haven't run since my 5K 11 days ago - I am dieing to do it! The busyness of the holidays is upon us. I had hoped to go on Sunday but it was 17 degrees outside and I didn't want to get sick before Christmas and the thought of the treadmil just wasn't appealing to me at the time - excuses I know.

Tuesday I had my 6 month follow-up mammogram. All day Monday and into Tuesday I was in a full blown anxiety attack - I could barely breathe, barely eat, heart palpitations, couldn't sleep. It was awful. And they took 2 sets of pictures, so 2 sets of waiting. But a sigh of relief when it was over. They still see something that they believe is a lymph node and they don't want to do anything more. I'll go back in 6 months for my annual exam (though I made it 9 months away!) This whole mammogram thing has seriously put me in an emotional tizzy for the last year. I honestly it has to do a lot with my 20+ lb weight gain this year. That along with everything else this year I just haven't been able to focus and have been eating my stress way. But at least I did the C25K and ran 2 5Ks this year!

I am not going to even do resolutions this year. Next week when I am off I am going to clean out the cupboards, organize the gym equipment, everything to start the New Year off right. Money is going to be extremely tight next year so I am going to have to be very wise about our grocery shopping. But I will still budget healthy foods.

2012 is going to be the year of Moving More. If that ultimately means a move of our house, that would be fantastic. But as a family we need to get out and move more. Hopefully the healthy eating with be there also, but moving is more important right now.

Sunday, December 11, 2011

5K #2

My official time was 38:19.

I am looking forward to my first chipped race so I know my real time. I think it was about 38:10 or even 38:05. I need so much practice on remembering to hit Stop on my iphone when I cross the finish line.

This race was in Boston along the Charles River. It was perfectly flat. It was 27 degrees when I woke up but was probably in the mid-30s by race time at 11:00 am. I wore running pants, long sleeve wicking shirt and short sleeve over it (my long sleeve shirts aren't long enough - don't want the gut to hang out). I am so glad that I didn't wear my fleece - I would have been hot. I did wear a hat and gloves and my fleece until it was time to line up.

We left the kids at my parents and my husband with me. My next race I may have to go by myself. Scary!

My husband took a few pictures of me running. I know no one looks good running, but still. Yuck!

Was the race easy - no. By no means am I even remotely close to thinking running 3.11 miles is easy. Was it really hard - no. It was flat. Did I come close to wanting to walk? Nope. I have found that walking is really hard for me. Okay, running after walking is really really hard for me. Actually there were times during the race that I wanted to start running a little faster, only to realize I still had almost a mile to go. I was just ready to be done. This is why 5Ks are good for me. Running for 40 minutes max. I get bored of things really easy. I just don't have the time for more than 40 minutes. I will say that the thought of running 5 miles does sound appealing...some day. Baby steps. Right now I am at a 12:30 mile. I'll work towards 12:00. I am cool with taking this all real slow. I don't want to hurt myself.

I was a little disappointed that I came in 24/25 in the 40-49 age group. This group of runners definitely seemed more seasoned.

My next run is on New Year's Day. I am not sure how much I will get to run in the next 3 weeks. I would like to get to do some more C25K and run at least one 5K - but with the holidays in full swing and work being crazy, which requires several middle of the night stints, it will be hard to establish a good rythym.

Eating....yeah, it is the holidays. I made it to WW again this week which is as much as I can ask for. I turned over my WW work to someone else (I was in charge with all the advertising to make sure we could keep the meeting going at work). A HUGE weight off my shoulders.

The fact that I am going to end this year at least 15 lbs, but most likely 18, lbs heavier than last year is extremely disappointing. I would love to be back down to 184 by March 17  but I have learned not to try to hit a weight by a date. It never, ever works.

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Exercise - good, Eating - not so good

This weekend flew by! I wish it was next weekend so we can really get into the Christmas festivities. We don't get our tree until 2 weeks  before Christmas so that will be next weekend. Along with completely decorating our house. Right now we just have  a wreath, our card tree, and our 4, yes, 4, advent calendars.

This morning I got up to run. We had a birthday party to be at at 10, so I had to be running my 8 am. Which meant I needed to be up by 6:30 so I could eat something. It was 29 degree when I went out. I didn't want to overheat, so I just wore a thin fleece over my long sleeve shirt, but took off the fleece after my warm up.

I ran the whole 3.11 miles! This was the first time I had run the whole thing on my own. I ran it in 39:03. Definitely remember the feeling of pushing myself during the race helped keep me going. I was pooped all day though I only got the opportunity to sit down about 1/2 an hour ago!

Eating was not very good. This is why I can't lose weight while exercising. There was the cupcake at 11:30 at the birthday party, then we went to the birthday girl's house for lunch where I had 2 1/2 (or could it have even been 3 1/2!) pieces (albeit not real big) pieces of pizza and a beer (and lots of water). And then when we got home at 4:00, I ate a ton of Smart Food (they now have a 'movie theatre popcorn' flavor - yum!)

I am not sure what I will do this week for exercise since my next 5K is on Sunday. I may do something on Wednesday morning and that will be it before the race.

Friday, December 2, 2011

Day 2 and I didn't get up :(

This week has been really hectic.

Wednesday I took off from work and finished up my Christmas shopping (except for my parents - they are so hard to shop for!). I headed out at 8 am and brought my breakfast with me so I wouldn't buy anything bad. I got home at 12:30 and ate my normal 'if-I-were-at-work-lunch'.

Yesterday I worked until 1:00. Normally I would have worked from home but I wanted to go to the WW meeting. Then at 1:00 headed home for my first elementary school parent-teacher conference (she is doing fantastic - yeah!) and then was busy, busy until 10:30. I put out all my work out clothes for the morning but got into bed and just didn't want to go to sleep because I hadn't relaxed all evening. I ended up watching TV until after midnight! And then my 2 year old appeared at 3 am. Needless to say I didn't get much sleep and didn't get up to work out :(

Scale yesterday morning. 208.2 :(

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Starting C25K all over again....

Doing the program as well as knowing I had a 5K to show up for (and a friend who was counting on me to show up) is what got me through. So I decided to do it all over again, this time a tad faster.

It was wonderful to do intervals again - I never thought I would say that! I was so, so close to not getting out of bed, thinking oh I could do it tomorrow. But no, Tuesday/Friday/Sunday, those are my C25K days. Gotta get up. It is going to be hard when it is 0 degrees outside! Our heat doesn't go on until I am getting up at 5:30 so it will be chilly!

This time I did 5.0 on a 1.5% incline for my "jogs" and 4.3 for my "walks". I hope I can keep this up - I think I can. I hope I can!

Eating over the weekend was not good! Saturday we dropped the kids off in the morning and went out for both lunch and dinner! And not small meals either. And Sunday we went to a friend's house to watch the game and there were lots of snacks and pizza for dinner. When I stepped on the scale on Monday I was horrified! And last night was tacos which I always have seconds of.

Saturday, November 26, 2011

In a weird place...

In some ways I feel like a huge weight has been lifted now that the 5K is over. Yes, it was the motivator to have me actually finish the C25K program. But pretty much as soon as I started the program, I stopped any attempts to lose weight. I look back at the few weights I actually wrote down since Labor Day - within 2 weeks of starting the program I had gained 4 lbs - 203 to 207 and that is where I have stayed. I do step on the scale every once in a while but I never wrote it down in my journal. Part of it was the 3 days a week I was running I wasn't weighing myself so I just got out of the habit.

So I am in quandry of what to do. I have never lost weight while working out. But I need to exercise! I know I need to go back to basics but a new basics with exercise.

I did sign up for a 5K in 2 weeks. But I hate to say it - I am not as motivated since I will be doing it alone. I looked up on line and they said that you should rest for 1 day per mile you race (26 days after a marathon!) I think they are saying more that you shouldn't train. But I am taking the 3 days! I was thinking of going for a long walk tomorrow morning, but the kids aren't going to be here so I am sleeping in!

Another thing about me is that it takes me a long time to recover from strenuous activity. It isn't just that I am out of shape - when I was training to climb Mt Rainier and I would do my hikes on Saturdays, I would be on the couch all Saturday night and all Sunday (and this was part of the reason I gained 15 lbs while training). I was so beat yesterday. After I finally took a shower, I put back on pjs and lounged

I am excited though to clean out the fridge and cabinets and go shopping for healthy food!

Friday, November 25, 2011

I Ran A 5K!

14 weeks after starting C25K, 2 months after signing up for my first 5K, it was finally here and it went awesome! I ran the whole way, which was a first for me, in 39:27. I can't believe I got under 40 minutes! It was my first time running with someone else which was different - I had never talked at all while running which made it a little harder, but it was easier to push myself with someone else and other people around. The 5K was very laid back which was nice (but there also wasn't any medals :( ) The timing wasn't by chip so I am not exactly sure of my exact time - I don't know how they would have known when we went over the starting line - though there weren't a ton of people there so it's not like it was a minute later. I sware I hit stop on my phone as I was crossing the finish line, but later I looked down and it was still moving. But I am good with under 40 minutes!

I truely do not like Thanksgiving. I like the traditions, I love the Macy's Day Parade, I love the beginning of Christmas, but I don't like the food and I don't like all the work for one meal. I was particularly cranky this year because TOM showed up (thanks to being very regular, she usually is around over Thanksgiving, and this year, for Christmas as well - great...), but I was also cranky because I am 15 lbs heavier than last year and because I couldn't fully enjoy myself because of the race.

We had an appetizer lunch which ended up being more work than the meal! No way we are doing that again. Next year we will also eat earlier - we only eat late because my son still naps, but he won't be next year.

I didn't feel like I ate a ton but I still felt so bloated at the end of the day. Not really from TOM, but when I get stressed I seem to get all bloated. Kind of weird. I went to bed with that uncomfortable full feeling and it sucked!

So what now? I do want to do more 5Ks - lots of them. I have zero intention at this point of every doing longer races. I may try to run more distance, but I don't want to train for a 10K - no thank you! Even in high school I talked about wanting to do track and do short distances. I want to work on my timing, I want to get in better (much better shape!) so that means doing a lot more than running. And I want to work on losing weight since it's been 9 months since I've even tried to lose weight (and hence gained 22 lbs). But what I will do in the next 5 weeks remains to  be seen. I don't want to gain more weight, but I want to enjoy the holiday. And yes, I know enjoying doesn't mean there has to be a lot of food. And I can work out to help with the stress. My kids will only be in the young-I-believe-in-Santa phase for so long, so I want to enjoy every minute of it.

Monday, November 21, 2011

Another run...

I got up on Sunday and ran 5K again. This time the weather was more cooperative so no disrobing needed (though I may have been more comfortable with shorts instead of running pants)

I ran for 30 minutes, 2.3 miles straight. Then walked 2:30. Then ran/hobbled along for the next mile. I always have such a hard time getting going again after walking. My time was 42:07, worse than Friday, but part of it was the GPS - I stopped in the same location that Friday's GPS has said was 3.11 miles but now it only said 2.96, but since I had gunned it at the end, and I was going uphill, I just walked the last bit, thus the longer time.

I think I will just run 2 miles on the treadmill tomorrow. It is too dark to run in the morning.

We went to a party yesterday afternoon - it was supposed to be 2-5. We had eaten lunch before and thought we would eat dinner on the way home (it was 1:30 hours away). but at 4:00 they brought out huge platters of appetizer and then started grilling around 5:30. I ate like crazy, I will admit it. Tons of cheese and pepperoni and crackers. I felt a little, okay, maybe a lot, out of control. This hostess loves to put all the food in front of where all the women typically gather. I was drinking water all day, as I was driving, but I still ate so much. I woke up this morning feeling awful from all the sodium. I felt awful going to bed.

So I need to make sure I keep track of my sodium this week so I don't feel that way going to bed on Thursday night or when I wake up on Friday for the race. So I think I may need to rethink some of my choices for the appetizer-only lunch I had planned for Thursday (we eat around 5:00 pm).

Friday, November 18, 2011

Friday run

I "ran" 3.11 miles in 41:30 this morning. Not bad since I didn't run for 3 1/'2 weeks and this was my first time outside since not being sick.

The first 1.6 miles were fairly easy - though the beginning of my route is downhill. I did it in 17:30.

After 1.6 miles I was so hot (it was 35 degrees when I started), so I walked and took off my hat, gloves, and pullover. Then I tried to run hold the stuff - all stuff that beginners have to figure out. Finally I realized I could stuff my hat and gloves in my pullover nad tie it around my waist. I then walked until 25 min/1.9 miles and did a very slow jog the last 1.2 miles. There was tons of traffic, I stepped in a puddle, and there were headwinds. But I limped along.

I think Sunday I will drive to the bottom of the hill and start going uphill since that is what my race is like.

I am not sure what I should do next Tuesday/Wednesday (race is Friday). I would like to get outside Tuesday even though it will be pitch black and maybe do a nice walk on Wednesday with maybe a couple of sprints?

I really wish I had had more time to train and then I am not sure what I will do in terms of runing outside after the race. The headwinds made me realize that no way I am doing the Jan 1 race that is along a river!

Thursday, November 17, 2011

I did make it to WW...

I went to our meeting at work and felt really good about it. I didn't even look at what the scale said - I don't really care because it is what it is. It's like I did anything to make it go down! But I feel good knowing that I will go back every Thursday for the next 6-9 weeks and hope that the scale goes down.

I am also contemplating asking my husband to pick up the kids on Tuesdays and Wednesdays so I can go home and make dinner. Him making dinner the last 8-9 months has really been my downfall. Not only does he not cook as healthy, he serves my portions, and I feel like i am in a restaurant every day (even though I do the menu planning and the grocery shopping). So if I make dinner every day except Monday (and Thursday is pizza night), hopefully it will help me. Plus get me used to making dinner again because I assume once he goes back to work that I will be making dinner again (this time with 2 kids under foot).

Weekly Weigh In

I came home from work last night to a little card from my WW leader asking me to come to the meeting on Thursday to make sure I have a successful Thanksgiving. I can't remember the last time I have been to a meeting. But I put on my WW dress this morning and will go. The scale said 207.2 - ugh. I have 6 weeks left in the year. Could I possibly lose 7.4 lbs by then?! Doubtful.

Originally I was going to WFH on Thursday December 1st, but I am going to come into work just so I can go to the meeting and then leave early for my first elementary school parent-teacher conference.

And I have no plans to be home any other Thursdays, so I should be able to make all the meetings for the rest of the year.

Tomorrow morning I will run outside again. It is supposed to be freezing :( But I got to do it.

I decided against the Jingle Bell run on December 18 -I've just got too much going on that weekend. And then I am not sure about the Jan 1 run - it is along a river and could be really, really cold. After the bronchitis I am pretty nervous about running in the cold.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Back on Track?

Today was my first exercise in 23 days and boy was it hard!

I woke up at 5:30 and got on the treadmill, not really sure what I was going to do. It was the first time of running on the treadmill without following a plan - ie no one talking in my ear and it was hard. And like expected my neck is killing my now because of all the looking down at the screen.

I ran for 1 mile at 4.7 at 1.5% incline
Then walked 2:30 minutes.
Then ran 6 minutes.
Walked 2:30
Ran 6 minutes

I originally had wanted to run a full mile in the second segment but I gave up :(

So the total was 2:25 miles in 29:40 miles. I realize I was putting everywhere that I only went 2 miles, but I am pretty sure it was 2.25.

My ankle was killing me. I turned it in a pothole last time I ran outside. I wonder what damage I did to it. But I am going to just run through it for the next 10 days.

I want to look to see if there is a 5K I can do in December.

Oh yeah, and the eating? It's been horrible, horrible, horrible. I am going to try to eat no sweets/desserts until Thanksgiving. I need, need, NEED to feel better about myself in that department.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Bronchitis or Pneumonia

It has been more than 10 days since I have been able to exercise at all. I need to call the doctor to be seen because my cough is not clearing up and my breathing is very labored. But other than that I feel fantastic!

We had a freak snowstorm Saturday night and lost power for 18 hours. There are people who still don't have any power. My schedule has been off for well over a week - I hate it when I am not settled, or organized.

Of course, being sick, loss of power, not being organized has really thrown off the healthy living as well. And I will admit, I can eat candy like the rest of them. I ended up buying candy I like this year and Halloween was canceled due to the storm, so I made up a "haunted house" for the kids and they TOT with our candy. But who has been eating it? Yep, me.

The scale said 207.8 this morning. Not going to hide that. My true goal is to get to 198.8 by December 31. I need to get cracking if I am going to do that!

Friday, October 28, 2011

2 missed runs is killing me!

I had a crazy amount of work to do, plus this insane cough, so I didn't get up for my Tuesday run. Instead I was in the office by 7 am :(

Wednesday afternoon I left to fly to Canada and it was a whirlwind trip - I barely got to sleep Wednesday night and then I got home 3 hours later than expected Thursday night. It was SNOWING when we arrived and the drive home from the airport was scary. I literally walked in the house and into bed.

So needless to say I didn't get up this morning. Plus I am still coughing like crazy. Borderline thinking about going to the doctor.

I am all out of sorts. Eating was completely off while I was away. Barely got to drink any water. Meals weren't eaten or eaten at horrible times. And I came home to an empty fridge. So I need to find time to go out shopping before a SNOW STORM Saturday night. I haven't planned menus yet and I am so starving that I would be afraid of what I would buy if I were to go shopping with no planning!

Sunday, October 23, 2011

I got up....

Despite another night on the couch because of my husband's cold, I got up and complete Week 7 of C25K.

I wanted to stay in bed (well the couch) because it was 38 degrees out and we haven't turned the heat on (I think the latest I've gone in this house). Then I tried to figure out if I wanted to go right away or eat and then go. Since I figure I will be eating before the race, since it is at 9 am, I might as well get used to it. I had a banana and 2 pancakes with PB. I left about an 1:15 later.

I used iMapMyRun this time instead of Runkeeper and it was much more accurate.

Week 7 is 25 minute runs, but they are supposed to be 2.5 miles - yeah, I can't do that in 25 minutes! I ran for 30 minutes and went 2.35 miles. Some of it was hard! Many times I wanted to give up!

At first I was going to walk to the whole rest of the route to make it 3.11 miles, but I did 2 sprints. When I stopped I had only gone 3.01 miles according to MapMyRun, but I wasn't going to keep going another .1 miles, especially since I was on an incline. I did the 3.01 miles in 39:33.

I need to change my course. I don't like that the first .25 miles or so is pretty heavy downhill. One it hurts! But mainly, it screws up my timing. I get a false sense of security. Also, the last .76 miles is on a faily busy road so I am on sidewalks (and not good sidewalks), I don't like so many people looking at me, and I don't like the fumes. So I am tempted to one, walk to the bottom of the hill and then start counting a route, and then also re-do the end of the route so I end where I began and it is all through the residential area. I know, I feel like I am cheating a little making my whole route on flat ground, but right now that is what I need in order to work towards running a whole 5K.

Today my husband drove me the route of the 5K I will be running. I am not exactly sure where the starting line is since it starts at a pretty large high school - I know it ends on the track, but hard to tell where it begins. It has a pretty steady uphill fairly near the beginning and then a very sharp downhill. The rest is kind of rolling - very gradual though.

Not sure what the week has in store for me. I am so nervous about my business trip to Toronto - I just want to get it over with. And I apologize for the TMI, but it will be the worst week of the month to travel. I had traveling during that time.

Eating - another crappy weekend. I have a lesser version of my husband's cold but enough so I feel lousy and just want to eat comfort food :(

Friday, October 21, 2011

I will not give up....

I can see why people give up on C25K after Week 6 (when the intervals stop). Honestly, I don't think I would feel like giving up if I had not signed up for a 5K or had not started running outside. I am pretty sure I could run a 5K on the treadmill in the next 5 weeks.

Today I ran outside and I felt like dieing! I had planned on going 2.25 miles, which I did do, in 30 minutes but....Runkeeper says it was only 2.08 miles (I do plan on going out and driving it again to verify!) though MapMyWalk agrees with me. And I didn't run the whole thing. The last part is an incline and I just couldn't bring myself to do the whole thing, so I walked 2 1-minute segments.

Not that I am making excuses, but, this is what was different:
-We had pizza last night and I didn't drink any water after dinner - I may have been terribly dehydrated
-For the first time in my training, I didn't run as soon as I woke up. I ate a little at 6:30 (a cheese cheese, some peaches, a spoonful of peanut butter) and ran after walking my daughter to the bus stop at 7:45
-My warm up walk was leisurely with her, then I stopped while we waited for the bus

So I am going to try to not have pizza the night before - not sure what I will do next Friday. I am traveling to Canada Wednesday into Thursday. So may run later on Friday depending on how tired I am. Or I could just run Saturday and Monday since I will be home on Halloween to see my daughter's parade.

I am not sure if the armband is the best thing. While it is comfortable, I really can't easily read my iphone while I am running. I will have to play around with it.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Another Thursday.....

Another day at home yesterday and another day of not eating great, thanks to this amazing Apple Bread my husband and daughter made. Plus we are allowed to wear jeans for 2 weeks so I knew the scale wouldn't be correct anyways, so I didn't even try. I am kind of mad at myself for not getting on the scale at WW, but at least I went to the meeting (especially since i know I can't go next week).

Yesterday was W7D1 of C25K - 25 minute run. I ran 2 miles in 25:20. I had wanted to run 2.25 miles but I was so done with the treadmill so I didn't push myself like I should have. Tomorrow I am going to run outside after I drop my daughter off at the bus stop so I should be able to try to go 2.25 miles.  I need to up my distance, which for me means upping my time more than C25K.

Here is to another week.... :(

Oh yeah, just for accountability, the scale said 206.6 today :(

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Couldn't get my butt out of bed....

And I am feeling really bad about it and eager to get up tomorrow morning. My legs were quite sore on Monday so the thought of running 2-2.25 miles made me cringe. But I have to get up tomorrow morning no matter what!

I am a little nervous of dropping out of C25K now that the intervals are over. Before this, it had been so easy and I looked forward to it. The 25+ minutes of running is daunting. I do have to get it out of my mind that if I have to walk, it isn't the worst thing in the world. Or I can run slower. Though running slower outside is much easier.

Another day of eating well all day and then eating a ton when I get home. I have no issues after dinner, it is just the one hour from 5:30 - 6:30 where I overeat.

Sunday, October 16, 2011

I made it outside!

I almost didn't. My husband got up with the kids and my bed was so nice and warm (I had left the window open last night and it was pleasantly cool in our room) - I could have laid there for hours since I didn't have anywhere to be until 11:15.  But I kept telling myself that I did have a place to be. And the earlier I got up and did it, the sooner it would be over.

I ran 2 miles in 25:30. I won't say it was easy by at means. The start is downhill and the end is uphill - the end was hard! I was so tempted to walk, but I loved looking at my iphone and seeing the pace at 13:00. It was easy to use landmarks to keep myself going.

I used Runkeeper for the first time and while it was great to have the voice prompts, it was a little wacky where it would tell me the stats every 30 seconds for a few minutes, then not for 5 minutes.

I have completed Week 6 of C25K. Week 7 is all 25 minute runs for 2.5 miles, Week 8 is 28 minutes for 2.75 miles and Week 9 is 3.0 miles for 30 minutes. Well I definitely can't keep up that pace, so I need to start going for distance instead of time now. Since I've only mapped out a 2.0, 2.5 and 3.2 mile course around my house, I am going to do 2.0 all this week. Then next week I will do 2.25 on the treadmill on Tuesday and 2.5 outside on Friday and Sunday. And then Week 9 I will do 2.75 miles on the treadmill on Tuesday and 3.0 on Friday and Sunday. I am going to do a Week 10 as well which will be 3.1 miles all 3 days. Then I need to figure out what to do the last 10 days before the race.

Eating has been crap! A lot of grazing yesterday. Ice cream after dinner - though I didn't eat the whole pint of Ben and Jerry's. I didn't even eat 1/2.

Off to a birthday party with my daughter this morning - pizza and cake will be served. Great..

Friday, October 14, 2011

Made myself get up this morning....

Again, another hard morning to get up. Raining and completely dark. Daylight savings ending can not come fast enough!

Today was W6D2 of C25K - 2 10-minute runs. It was hard to get started, but I made it through. I am so eager to get outside on Sunday - I know it is going to be hard. It will then give me an idea of how much more/extra training I have to do in the next 6 months.

I am nervous about not having a water bottle - I am so used to taking sips through out on the treadmill. But I don't want to bring water just for 30 minutes.

So when will I start doing more cardio? Honestly, I don't think I am going to before the race. I may try to walk on Saturdays, but the planned heavy cardio days for Wednesdays. I don't see it happening. Weights will happen after Thanksgiving as well. Right now I just want to concentrate on jogging for 30 minutes.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Didn't mean to not update for a week!

I knew I hadn't updated in a while, but didn't realize it had been a whole week!

Scale this morning is not good- 206.8. I had to work from home yesterday and by 9 am I knew I couldn't go to WW this morning because I was triple booked for work meetings during that time slot. So I ate a few too many Oreos, ate really salty food, didn't drink enough water and had seconds of spaghetti.

The meetings keep me on track. They really do. But if I can't make the meeting then I feel like I have no accountability and that's how I am 20+ up this year.

As for C25K, I am doing great. I did Week 6, Day 1 yesterday. I didn't get to do my 20 minute run on Sunday but I was home on Monday and did it then. It was hard, but felt so wonderful. I am running outside on Sunday - 25 minutes, though I am going to try to do distance instead of time. We'll see how it goes! Satuday I walked the 2 miles with my daughter to check it out. Also over the weekend I drove the 5K course. Only 6 weeks to go!

This past week have been very busy in terms of time away from the house, bad food choices. Here is to another week and hope this is a good one.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Weekly Weigh In

Not much to report. Scale said 205.2 this morning. Dinner was a little salty last night and I didn't drink any water after the meal. But I own that number and hopefully the next week will be better.

We have a bag of apples on the porch - I am tempted to make apple sauce with them all so I don't make any more desserts!

Last night I mapped out a 2 mile, 2.5 mile, and 3 mile route from my house. If I walk out to the road from our townhouse then that is a good 5 minute warm up. I think I need to go drive the route for the Turkey Trot 5K. Mapping it shows quite a hill!

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Nervous for longer runs...

I did force myself to get up and do W5D1 this morning, even though my bed was extremely comfy (I slept with the window open and it was comfortably cool this morning so the covers felt wonderful) and I didn't sleep well. But I did it. I didn't want to derail my progress for a few extra minutes in bed. Plus I am eager to just keep going. I am nervous and excited for Sunday to run 20 minutes. I am eager and nervous for Sunday October 16 when I run outside for the first time AND I run for 25 minutes.

I need to get my husband to cook for vegetables. He cooked a yummy pasta dish, but he only used one bunch of broccoli instead of the 2 in the fridge. I did have seconds though :( But I didn't eat the kids portions (I let my husband do that!).

I did also eat from the cafeteria unexpectedly yesterday. I wanted to show our new employee the ropes, so got a wrap and pasta salad and a 12 oz coke. But I brought my lunch like normal today.

Thursday night I am going to try to get back into the routine of going grocery shopping after dinner so I don't have to waste time on the weekend doing it.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Sleeping in....

W5D1 didn't happen this morning.
My darling 2 year old was in our bed at 2 am - an hour later I brought him back to his bed. Between that and the fact that my calves were aching last night, I decided to delay the run until Wednesday morning.

The scale continues to be gruesome, but I have made some better choices of late:

-Monday we went out to lunch with a new employee - I got water, not soda. I ordered coleslaw, not fries, with my sandwich.
-I brought the rest of my food for the day so I wouldn't be starving when we went out to lunch
-I resisted the ice cream and apple pie calling my name after dinner.

We did get to renew WW for the next session. I really hope I get a loss this session instead of a gain!

Monday, October 3, 2011

Keep on trucking....

After doing W4D3, I decided to just keep going for Week 5 instead of repeating Week 4. I did change things up a little yesterday. I did it on an incline of 1.5% (I am surprised the incline still worked on my treadmill since I have never used it!) and I did a couple of the runs at 4.6 and walked at 3.6 I am going to continue with those numbers this week instead of trying to go to fast.

I have a date with myself for running outside. Sunday October 16 - I should  be on W6D3, so I will give it a try and see what happens!

Eating was eh over the weekend. Sunday we went to the Cheesecake Factory for lunch and then had my parents over for dinner, which included Apple Pie. We brought home cheesecake and my husband made a very rude comments at 3:30 when I was eating my cheesecake (we had eaten at 11:30 so I was starving). Like him eating cheesecake at midnight would be any better. I was very annoyed with him - he thinks because he has lost weight (without trying), then he is healthy. But he isn't healthy. His cholesterol was slightly over 200. His glucose was slightly over 99. He has horrible family history. And he doesn't exercise. And he doesn't really care about being healthy. I may be struggling a lot, but I WANT to be healthy. Honestly, I think that is a lot more important!

Friday, September 30, 2011

What to do next week.....

I am not exactly sure what to do in terms of C25K next week. Week 5 is a pretty intense week in terms of not doing the same thing all three days and making pretty big leaps in how long you run. I've been wanting to try 2 different things with my training. Try at 1-2% incline as many people suggest to better prepare myself to run outside. And also try running faster than 4.5 mph. I don't want to try both at once. I think I am more inclined (no pun intended) to try running faster and repeating Week 4 before trying out Week 5. I did allow myself 1-2 weeks of repeats prior to my Turkey Trot and I think this is a good week to repeat.

Yesterday I bought a 3 month tracker at WW. This morning I pre-populated all the dates - anything to kind of give me incentive to track. The tracker will go through Wednesday December 21. So we've got 12 weeks until Christmas - wow!

I need to think a little about the clothing I am doing to wear outside running once I do get there. I only have hiking gear for cold weather, so not the right kind of pants. And I need to think about where I am going to put my iphone. I am also wondering if I want compression socks. I don't think you necessarily need them for a 5K if you are a thin runner, but since i am not and prone to shin splints, it is something I am considering.

I remain nervous to be doing WW while exercising (though I have yet to do my other 2 days of non-C25K cardio). I think I just need to prepare myself not to worry about the pounds so much, but worry about getting fit and loosing inches.

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Weigh in day?

Eh, I'll put the number out there: 207.0, but it isn't a real number. TOM showed up first thing in the morning, a day early, and I ate a salty dinner.

I did put myself on the scale at WW today, even though I wasn't wearing my light clothes, and I had eaten breakfast which I don't usually do on WW day. Today was our registration day so it wasn't a real official weigh-in. We should have 15 payments by next week so we should continue on through the holidays. I threw out the idea to the group of doing our own type of Biggest Loser challenge. I need so incentive to get back on the losing track this fall.

Tomorrow I get up for W4D2. I can't wait!

We are having the kids pictures taken on Sunday. We haven't done professional pics of them in 18 months. It makes me a little sad because originally (like 18 months ago) I was thinking that this fall we would hire a real photographer and do outside pictures with the whole family. We are not doing that for one of 3 reasons. Well, really 2 reasons- 1) We don't have the money and 2) I don't want to pay for it until I feel good about myself and with a 20 lb gain since March 1, obviously I don't feel good. At all. But I tell myself it is probably good anyways because I don't think the fall here is going to be very good. Is is almost October 1st and we have yet to make it out of our summer clothes for more than 1 day. And I am talking the kids wearing shorts the whole month. So without cold weather, the foliage just isn't brilliant - I can already tell it won't be spectacular.

So next year. Who knows what the next year will bring, but hopefully it will be better than the last year!

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Loving Week 4

My son came into our room at 4:45. I was so tempted to turn off the alarm, but I was so excited to try Week 4 of C25K. I can't remember the last time I ran for 5 minutes straight, or 16 minutes during a 31 minute period of time. I need to find better things to think about though. All I can think about is running in Junior high in cleats on pavement, which helped contribute to the stress fractures and shin splints I was diagnosed with when I was 15 and there ended my running "career".

Do I think I have a future as a runner? No. I don't particularly love it. I do love that I can sweat fairly quickly.  But hiking, kayaking, rock climbing, skiing are the things I love that get my body moving. But they aren't readily available. Running is easy, but not easy on the body. My STEP video and my spinning video do both - get my whole body moving and make me sweat. But I am enjoying this challenge of training for a 5K. I haven't trained for anything in 9 years. But do I see myself doing a half marathon? No. A 10K? Maybe. But right now I don't have time to work out for more than 30-45 minutes and a 10K would require more than that. So for now, my focus will be on the next 8 weeks until Thanksgiving.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Bring on Week 4

I didn't work out on Saturday. I woke up at 3 am and was out of bed at 4:30. The kids woke me up but then I couldn't fall back asleep. I have a cold and it is working into my lungs and so does my hubby. Plus I had this long to-do list I needed to get done so I was up. Our plans kept getting switched around because the weather was being so fickle.

I did do W3D3 this morning at 6:30 am. It felt really good, but i am so excited for Week 4. Only running for 9 minutes total during Week 3 wasn't very inspiring, though I can't remember the last time I ran for 3 minutes straight, so it definitely helped. Week 4 does seem a little intimidating with 16 minutes (2 sets of 5 and 2 sets of 3).

I haven't weighed myself much lately which is so hard!

Friday, September 23, 2011

I made the time...

Yesterday's weight was 204.2. Eh. I was far from good this week. Hopefully the next week will be better.

Last night I had another fail in terms of getting to bed in time to get up to do C25K. We were out at Parent's Night, then I had a lot of DVR stuff I wanted to watch. I should have gone to bed before watching Grey's Anatomy, but instead I stayed up until 11:30.

Since I work from home on Fridays, I was able to fit in W3D2 after the kids went to school and before I had to start my day.

I don't like Week 3 at all - there is too much walking! While I am nervous for Week 4, I am excited to see if I can run for 5 minutes.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

As expected, no work out this morning....

A few of my co-workers have been sick lately and we all sit in a conference room together. I've been a little stuffy lately and yesterday I was having sneezing fits all day long. But mid-afternoon I started to feel run-down so made a conscious decision that I wasn't going to work out this morning.

Dinner was horrible in terms of portions.

I did stay up too late watching TV, including FF through the Biggest Loser. There is a 41 year old woman who was 277 pounds. She'll be the one I am rooting for :)

There are a lot of posts out there in blog-land this morning as there always are when a new season of BL starts. We all want to be inspired, but the show itself never seems to make a big impact on people. We all end up being where we are at the beginning of the season at the end of the season. We all watch the workouts and tell ourselves that we will move more. That our workouts will be more than just walking on the treadmill. And then before we know it, the season is over. Last year I saw quite a gain from the beginning of the season to the end (a gain that unfortunately has continued since the finale as well). So for me, I am going to just hope that I am less, not more, than I weigh today.

But I do hope that my Wednesday workouts will be really good ones. I'll do the Shred or some kind of bootcamp video and leave the biking until Saturdays.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Running with no music

I went to try to do W3D1 of C25K and my iphone app was freezing. First it wouldn't allow me to add music, then when I hit Start it would go for a bit then stop. I really hope I can get it going. I ended up doing the work out but it was all out of order. And continuously having to look down to see the time will be hard. And especially since the times aren't as simple as they were the first couple of weeks. Last spring I got a bad crook in my neck and I think it was partially due to looking down at the treadmill too much. Staring straight ahead and only looking down to change speed is so much easier. And don't get me started about trying to run without music - it would be so hard!

The ultimate test will be if I get up tomorrow to work out on a non-C25K day.

Me and my friend are definitely signing up for a Turkey Trot - she said she would hang with me no matter my speed. Yeah!

Monday, September 19, 2011

And it keeps going up and up....

207.2 this morning - wow. Seriously. Ugh.

I did get my 2 sessions of C25K on Friday and Sunday. But I didn't work out on Saturday. I am kind of mad at myself. I know C25K is not enough of a work out to be the only source of cardio so I really need to have 2 days of "real" cardio as well. I also need to figure out how and when to add in strength training. I originally thought I could do it after my C25K sessions, but I am eager to get into the shower and get to work. If one of my 2 "real" cardios is Jillian's 30-day Shred then I should be okay.

I am excited for Week 3 of C25K tomorrow - though a little nervous. Since I am doing it on the treadmill I am going to do it for time instead of trying to run for distance. My initial goal is to run for 30 minutes, however far that ends up being. Me and my friend want to do a Turkey Trot in November, but I am not really sure though. I don't know when I will get a chance to start running outside, especially with the weather and the darkness. I definitely want to do a 5K in the town we want to move to in May.

Eating has been less than stellar lately. We went to to a fair on Saturday and I got to have my first Funnel Cake ever. Dinners continue be large. I said I would start tracking. Next week? Life has been so hectic lately that tracking just isn't on my mind.

Our last week of the current WW session is on Thursday. I will confess I am hoping we don't renew for this session. Obviously it being there hasn't helped me (seeing that I have now "officially" gained 20 lbs in the last 7 months). I think it is time to do it on my own - The idea of trinkets and recoginition aren't enough of an incentive.

But I am not giving up. I hope to be below 200 again by the end of the year (okay, way before then) but I am not pressuring myself with timetables.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Weekly Weigh In

Last Week: 202.8
Today: 206.2
Change: +3.4

Last night my husband was away so it was just me and the kids and we kind of went crazy with salty foods, so I am confident most of this is water weight, though I think I would have still seen a gain :(

I continue to have a hard time with very large dinners. I think I really need to start tracking. I have no other choice.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Need to rearrange the work outs

Less than a week into working out, I already turned off the alarm Tuesday morning. Part of it was because my 2 year old had been up in the middle of the night. The other part was because I was scheduled to bike instead of do Day 1 of C25K. I was all excited to "run" and the thought of biking made me turn off the alarm and go back to bed. So I think next week I will do Day 1 on Tuesday and bike on Wednesday.

But today I did get up and did W2D1, even though my son paid me a visit at 4:45 am.

Eating, really dinner, continues to be a struggle. Even though I have a snack, I am so mentally beat when I get home from the hour commute and 2 pick-ups, that I eat way, way too much for dinner. I am not sure what I can do about it - I need to come up with a plan.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Workouts - good. Eating - not so good

We had the back-to-school picnic Friday night, but not before we heard that my 5 year old had fallen at school. Her arm was still in pain Friday afternoon so we rushed to the pediatrician and then the hospital for xrays. The bedlam resulted in grabbing a pizza to bring to the picnic (like lots of people did).

Saturday morning I did my old 1993 STEP video which is an awesome work out - I was definitely dragging by the end. After it we got the call that my daughter had indeed fractured her wrist, so the day was spent thinking of all the things that she may or may not be able to do (like we had to cancel her gymnastics for the next 6 weeks). The day turned hectic and we ended up out to dinner unexpectedly and my choices were not that great (soda instead of water, an appetizer, plus pasta with cream sauce, then one last trip to the ice cream stand before it closes for the season).

Sunday morning I did W1D3 of C25K - it was a little harder because I was tired from STEP the next day, but I did it. All day was spent in the kitchen making muffins to freeze. I didn't really eat real meals. Not the best day either.

Tomorrow is my "off day". Another week that was supposed to be normal, but now will have us getting used to my daughter in a cast.

Friday, September 9, 2011

Up at 5:30 again

All day yesterday I was looking forward to getting up this morning. I need to stop waking up at 3 am though! Despite it being dark out, I got up very easily and did W1D2 of C25K. Slow and steady I keep telling myself. I'll try to do the program, but I am not going to try to do a 5K in 30 minutes. Finishing one will be enough of an accomplishment.

Dinner last night was not great in the portion department. My husband made his yummy, garlic-filled chicken parm and I have several helpings :(

I no longer weigh myself the weekdays I work out, so I have no idea what the scale would have said today. It is going to take a while to get used to that.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Weekly Weigh In

Last Week: 204.2
This Week: 202.8
Change: -1.4
Total Weight Loss Since 3/5/2010: -13.2

I made it to my WW meeting. I tried to give her back my 10% key chain and 25 lb weight but she wouldn't take it, but said I would get new ones when I earned them.

I didn't work out this morning as Thursday is one of my 2 free days.

I ate too much dinner last night. I need to have my husband put all my vegetables on my plate (actually, I need to start making my own plate again). When I went to get more green beans I got more of everything else too :(

I tried on all the clothes I had bought. The second pair of pants had to be returned because while it was labeled 16W on the outside it was a 20W! No wonder it was so huge. The black pants I already had did not fit so I exchanged the 20W pants for 2 pairs of black pants. The cute black dress I bought was labeled a M when I needed an XL. I tried on the XL today in the store and didn't like how it hung on me. I returned a shirt with horizontal stripes - what was I thinking?! So now I have 2 new pairs of black pants and I am all set for the cooler weather (of course it is going to be 80 tomorrow!)

If I really, really try I bet I could break 200 this week. I am not going to kill myself over it, but I am dieing to see the 100's again!

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

An ashamed trip to the clothing store....

I  never thought I would be a size 18 again. I was even about to get rid of my 16W because my size 16 pants were fitting nicely (almost too big) when I was at 185. Now at 204 things are not fitting well. I have worn the same 2 pairs of capris all summer. I have been scared to try on my favorite pair of 16W khakis and black pants. Last night I broke down and tried on the khakis. They were uncomfortably snug. They aren't stretch pants at all, unlike my capris. I didn't even bother trying on my black pants. I wouldn't dare wear these khaki's because I would be afraid that they would rip.

Since I've felt pretty silly wearing capris the last 2 days when it has been 60 and pouring, I decided to head to Kohl's during lunch. I did not want to buy size 18W pants but I think I am a good 10 lbs away from the 16W fitting comfortably and knowing me, that could be Christmas before I reach that.

I found a few pairs of Lee pants with stretch material, so I grabbed 16W and 18W in a couple of pairs. I tried on the 16W first and decided I could get away with them (not sure if I want to put them in the dryer though!) I didn't even bother trying on the 18W.

I also grabbed XL and L in a few different shirts. I forced myself to buy size L - they are a little tight in the chest area, but the XL I have on today is really swimming on me. Again, not sure if I will put them in the dryer :)

Tonight I need to go through my entire fall wardrobe (it doesn't consist of much since I want to be losing weight). I think I might have bought a few too many items today ;) Plus I am not sure whether I have black pants - I seem to recall the black pants I had last winter had stretch in them, so they may fit.

Up and at 'em at 5:30 am

My plan for Couch to 5K is Wednesday Day 1, Friday Day 2, Sunday Day 3. Do more intense cardio on Tuesday and Saturday and take Monday and Thursdays off.

Despite the darkness and rain, I got up this morning. I had downloaded an app from so I no longer had to look at the treadmill to know when to switch. When I tried C25K last spring, prior to my husband's surgery, I was having neck pain and I think it was from staring at the screen.

I had bought Nike sneakers over the weekend and they felt great. I bought a wide because I think my feet have changed shape since having my kids.

The "run" this morning was okay. I did 1.75 miles in 30:12. I walked at 3.3 and jogged at 4.3.

In an ideal world I would do our local Turkey Trot. Thanksgiving is 11 weeks from tomorrow so that doesn't leave a lot of time, but I could at least try it and walk some if I need to.

I had a smaller snack after my work out. I know C25K isn't meant to be used to lose weight, but in the past I've probably eaten too much after a work out. So I just had a fruit cup and a string cheese at 6:30, then my normal breakfast at 8:30.

Monday, September 5, 2011

On the eve of a new era....

Last week was my daughter's first day of kindergarten, but that was last Wednesday, with only 1/2 of the class. Tuesday is what I call her real first day of school, and thus I really become a parent of a school-aged child.

It has been a busy last week. As expected my eating was all over the place - we were just too busy, so out of our routine and comfort zone to do anything normal. Throw in 36 hours away which was mainly spent at a country fair and TOM and I stand still at 204.

But I also spent an extraordinary amount of time organizing, purging, cleaning so I feel good going into tomorrow.

I also picked up a new pair of running shoes - my first in a long, long time. I plan on starting C25K on Wednesday.

I am not making any elaborate plans or resolutions or hopes. Just going to take it one day at a time, be more accountable (in a variety of ways) and see what happens.

I am very excited!

Monday, August 29, 2011

Goodbye Irene...

We survived fine - just a little water in the basement and a lot of downed twigs and leaves. I hope I am not kidding myself that daycare will be open today. Today and tomorrow are supposed to be Mommy and Daughter days - little brother not invited!

The last 2 (okay, make it 3) days have been pretty off foodwise.

Friday we unexpectedly ordered pizza out instead of in. I did get a greek salad as well to share with my husband.

Saturday morning was rush, rush, rush around the get errands done before the hurricane arrived. I was up really early so ended up having 2 breakfasts plus a snack, then my daughter and I went to the mexican restaurant we had all been planning to go to but my son desperately needed a nap so my husband stayed home with her. We ate a ton of chips, but no soda. Our evening plans were canceled so we had sausage BBQ we had planned for Sunday.

So we woke up Sunday with very little food in the house so we all kind of grazed, though not heavily, all day and dinner ended up as Breakfast for Dinner. I skipped the sausage and had fruit instead.

The one thing I did on Sunday was plop the kids in front of the tv (I never let them watch tv ALL day, but I did yesterday so I could get stuff done). I organized all of the binders I have for recipes, as well as the binder I have that has all the ideas for food for kids, so after we hook up the printer again and I can print everything out, we'll be good to go. All organized for new and delicious and healthy food for the fall.

The next couple of days, okay, let's make it the next week, will be equally as hectic and out of routine.

Tuesday September 6th can not quick enough!

Friday, August 26, 2011

Skipping jeans day....

I am wearing my stand-by capris again today, even though it is Friday. I tell myself (and if anyone were to ask) that it is because it is muggy outside. But really it is because I am scared to try on my jeans. The Size 18 pants are long gone and I refused, absolutely refuse, to buy more. But I don't think the 16s will fit.

Today the scale said 202.8 which suprised me because I had 2 large servings of spaghetti last night for dinner. After today I am on vacation until after Labor Day. We are home for 6 out of 10 days and I plan on eating really well those days. Even the days we are away I am going to try to not overdo it. How awesome would it be to start the school year off at 199.8?

But for today I am not being "good". I am having my 'last' breakfast at work - which really is 2 breakfasts - a sandwich and a yogurt parfait. And I didn't bring my lunch or snacks either.  I am going to enjoy my food today and then cleanse the system after today!

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Couldn't face the WW scale...

I did go to my meeting, but I didn't get on the scale. To me there just wasn't any point. I won't be there next week, so in 2 weeks will be my WW renewal. I am even going to return to her my 10% keychain and 25 lb weight. I need/want to earn them back.

Weight was down slightly this morning - 203.8. I was surprised. I ate way too  much dinner. I made tortellini salad with lots of fruits and veggies, but also a lot of cheese. And we finished up the ice cream for dessert.

I am avoiding the work Scooper-Bowl at work today. It isn't high-end ice cream which I love, so I am going to avoid it. The calories aren't worth it.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Got on the scale 2 days in a row...

It said the same as yesterday. Not that I was expecting anything different. I had an impulse small bag of Smart Food mid-morning.Someone had left 20 bags in the work kitchen. We had tacos for dinner (a meal I never only have 1 serving of) and I hadn't had time to eat my afternoon snack, so I was extra hungry.

Getting into the shower this morning I was thinking about how much I miss being excited to wake up in the morning to get on the scale to see if it went down because I had eaten well the day before and thus expected the scale to stay the same or go down. I really miss those days. It has been a good 6 months since I have done anything to warrent the scale going down. I am looking forward to those days coming again very soon.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Just putting the number out there....

The scale this morning said: 204.2. Ugh. I didn't want to get on it but I forced myself on it. I am glad I did, despite not liking the result as well. I am up 19 lbs in the last 6 months.

I am also wearing a sundress to work - yes it makes me look pregnant, but honestly I was afraid to put on my pants. And I am more scared to try on my non-capri pants that I will need within the next month when the weather turns colder. Though if tomorrow it was 50 degrees, I would still wear my capris. I am scared that the pants won't fit (and they have NO give unlike my capris). I am seriously considering that I might have to buy size 18W pants. I really, really don't want to. But even if I started losing weight tomorrow, my fear would be the pants wouldn't fit.

So the number it out there and it will continue to be out there, because I can't hide from it. Shame brings on the weight gain (well not just shame - stress, stress, stress does it too).

Sunday, August 21, 2011

A Year Undone

I originally started this "blog" a year ago, shortly after my 40th birthday. It was originally called 'Getting Fit by 41'. Well, 41 has come and gone and I am exactly where I was a year ago. On August 30th I saw 200 for the last time until July 19th. The lowest I saw was 185.4 on February 25th. But the last 6 months have brought almost a 20 lb gain. They have also brought my husband being laid off, work being out-of-control busy, and my husband experiencing a freak household accident which had him incapacitated completely for 6 weeks, but unable to drive for 8. Alone, any of those would have been okay, but all together have been too much for me.

We have changes coming up - mainly being our leap into the world of elementary school - as our first child start Kindergarten in 10 days. At one point I hoped to be at my goal by her 5th birthday. Another time I hoped by the start of first grade. Now I have no goal (though a lingering one is by June 2013 for my 25th High School reunion - of which I will NOT attend if I have not made substantial progress).

Accountability has to be key. For the last couple of weeks I have stepped on the scale almost every day - too see if get even higher in the 200s, but not once have I recorded the weight in my spreadsheet or here. I have not attend Weight Watcher meetings as I have not been at work on a Thursday in a month. I haven't even checked in in 2 different on-line "challenges" I have been part of.

I need to get back to all of that. Daily recordings in my excel spreadsheet and even daily entries here if that is what it takes. But definitely entries here. Weekly checkins with my online challenges. And attend WW if I can (for instance I will be out again next Thursday) - hopefully the next session will be renewed.

But on a good note, I asked my husband for sneakers for my birthday so I get to go pick those out very soon - maybe even this weekend.

With our new routine starting soon, I hope that means early mornings for me (gotta tell my husband that no, he can NOT watch tv or study in our room at night - I want lights out at 10:30, even if that means watching a 10 pm newscast of people I don't particularly like).

I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.....

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Birthday time

We are back from vacation - we've been back almost a week. But I haven't been able to get back on track. My weight is hovering around 201 - today it was down a little, but I think it was my pre-TOM dip.

Last Thursday was my husband's birthday but the celebrations were drawn out from Wednesday through Monday when we finished the ice cream and cake. And my daughter's 5th birthday is Sunday but her party is on Saturday. But my hope and desire is to start C25K again on Monday. My dream is to do a Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving this year. I know I won't be able to finish C25K in the alloted 9 weeks, plus some extra weeks to practice running outside, I think I should be in fine shape. My birthday is in 2 weeks - I am hoping to buy myself a new pair of sneakers as a gift.

I've decided to eliminate my normal Lean Cuisine pizza from my lunch - it is 10 PointsPlus, which is too "expensive" from a Points perspective, and too expensive from a $ perspective, plus they stopped making my favorite kind which was only 9 points. So I decided I am going to try to actually make my lunch. A lot more time consuming, but necessary.

With the preparation of starting to work out again, I need to start going to bed earlier again. I need to get my husband in the habit as well - when he was hurt with his emergency foot surgery, he was recuperating in bed. But now he is studying a lot, but still has been studying in bed. I need to kick him out so I can go to sleep at 10:30. Then hopefully it will be a habit again when the new TV season starts in 6 weeks, so I won't stay up watching tv.

I see good on the horizon. I am definitely not where I planned on being in August of 2011 (originally my "blog" name as Fit by 41). No, I am not changing it to 'Fit by 42' - way too much pressure. Just sometime in my 40s is okay :) Though my 25 year high school reunion is in 2 years so that would be good!

Friday, July 22, 2011

I've seen 200 and it ain't pretty

We are off on vacation soon and I will try to kind of be good, but I not completely.

I saw 200 on the scale several times this week, but I was so stressed with all the work I have to do before vacation, and then packing and planning and all, I said screw it. We ate a lot of quick meals and it is 100 degrees here, so that means ice cream :)

But when we get back, I HAVE to get back on track. I have no choice.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Forcing myself onto the scale

I've done it the last couple of mornings and I will do it again, even though we had a pretty salty meal tonight. The scale could possibly say 200 again tomorrow, but I just have to force myself onto to it No matter what.

Monday, July 11, 2011

Scared to get on the scale

I am so terrified because I am afraid it is going to start with a 2. Last week it was 198.0 but I still just can't get back on track, so I am scared. And work is going really badly so I am back to where I was a while back, afraid that if I get on the scale and won't like what it says then the whole day with stink. But I've just got to do it.

I feel a little liberated though. For the past 18 months I have been the moderator for a weight loss challenge on a message board I am part of. It was great for the first year - I was motivated. But once the scale started going up and up and up, I stopped doing a good job of updating the site because I didn't want to go there because the scale was going up. So I asked someone else to take the reins - I hope I will now be able to go there often as a participant, that is it.

We are entering a month a poor eating so trying to get back until 190 by Labor Day will be hard (so much for being at goal by my 41st birthday like I had hoped 11 months ago). We've got 3 out of our 4 birthdays, plus 2 vacation, no make that 3, before now and Labor Day. Throw in a ton, ton, ton of work. But I'll try my best. But for now, I've just got to concentrate on staying under 200 and then getting under 195. But right now, I've just got to get the scale going in the opposite direction. A Gain 13 lbs in 4 1/2 months is NOT good!!!!

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

A Trip to the Doctor

Thankfully a scheduled trip - a physical. I hadn't been in almost 18 months. I was still 196.0 on the scale this morning and weighed 197.0 at the doctor (so nice to not have to move the 200 bar on the scale). Last time I was 218 so a 21 lb loss. I did tell her that 4 months ago it would have been a 32 lb loss, but hopefully I will be moving in the right direction again soon.

My blood pressure was good - I was a tad nervous since I have been so stressed lately. Though I have never had issues with my blood pressure - if anything it has been low. I got pricked to test my cholesterol and blood sugar. Hopefully those come back okay.

She does want me to get a colonscopy in the next 18 months. Ugh! But both my parent are on the 3 year plan now so now that I am 40, she wants me to get one.

She commended me on my weight loss, saying any weight loss is great. She is on the heavy side - I've had 3 female doctors in the last 20 years, all which have been pretty heavy. But at the same time it was nice to not be completely chewed out because of my weight, which some of my friends' doctors have done. Of course my mother wishes my doctors would do this. Yeah, 10 years ago my GYN go on my case for weighing 172 at the time. Did a lot of good - I quickly gained 30 pounds after that.

I don't expect a loss on the scale this week. My tracking lasted all of 2 days. But I will start again. Keep on trucking.

Friday, June 17, 2011

Birthday dress

I wanted to find a dress to wear for my daughter's 5th birthday this summer. I found one that would match well with the fuschia dress I had bought for her. And then there was the decision....

Size 14 or 16.

Size 16 I knew would be a sure fit. But I wasn't sure if the Size 14 would fit me right now. When I was 11 pounds lighter back in February, all my honeymoon clothes (and my wedding dress!) fit me - all of them were size 14.

I really, really didn't want to buy the Size 16 - I knew it would be too big, I knew I wouldn't get much use out of it. But it was the safe choice.

I chose not to go with the safe choice. I ordered the Size 14 on-line. I thought perhaps it could be an inspiration to get it to fit in the next 7 weeks.

It arrived yesterday. I was pleasantly surprised that it fit! But if definitely could fit better and hopefully it will by then. But at least I won't be stressing about trying to fit into it, because that pressure never seems to work.

Yesterday was Day 1 of re-commitment #796. But it went well. The only blip was that I could have had 1/3 of the frozen pizza we had and known I was eating 9 points. But I chose to have a bowl of the yummy homemade mac and cheese my friend dropped by with - I didn't have seconds though (though I wanted to SO badly) and I had a ton of salad - something my body has been craving like crazy.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Starting over...

Time to get back on track. I know I sound like a broken record.

Scale this morning: 196.0

The last couple of weeks have been extremely stressful and the stress will continue but I need to channel it better.

My husband ended up needing to have emergency surgery on his foot after he dropped a knife on it and now he is in a cast for 4 weeks - no walking, no driving. Then a boot and PT for who knows how long. So I am now Mrs Mom and Mr Dad. He feels miserable because he is at home and can do nothing. But we move on.

One advantage is I am taking over the planning and cooking of meals for the time being and I hope that helps to have positive results.

We started a new session of WW today. I have affectionately gained 8 pounds since the first day of last session, but am up 10.6 from my lowest of 185.4 on February 25. I have not been in the 180s since March 18 except for a quick blip on April Fool's Day.

What happened to the exercise I was so fond of only 2 weeks ago? I had a excrutiating pain in my shoulder blade - I don't know if it came from running or I slept wrong. It still hurt like heck when I husband got hurt. So between the pain and being close to a nervous breakdown since he got hurt, I haven't been sleeping worth anything. So it needs to start again.

So this is where I am. Goal is to be 184 by my birthday - 2 months away. Can I lose 12 pounds in 9 weeks? I hope so!

Friday, June 3, 2011

Checking in...

The scale said 195.2 this. eh. Going to try to be better this week, but my stomach is still in knots about my mammogram on Tuesday. I chose the menu for the week so I feel better.

I am eager to do W1D2 of C25K, though I am not sure when I can do Day 3. If I continue with it, my 3 days will be Tuesday, Friday and Sunday. Saturday and Wednesday I'll do other things and Monday and Thursdays would be my days off. Need to figure out where and when to put strength training in there.

So I may cheat and do W1D2 tomorrow, then a long walk on Sunday, then jump to W2D1 on Tuesday to get on a schedule.

I need new sneakers but it just isn't in the budget right now.

I am just excited that I was eager to work out this morning and was mad that I couldn't do W1D2 yet.

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Stress of tornados

I live in New England and while we have our share of weather, tornados isn't usually one of them. I left work early yesterday when I heard there was a threat of tornadoes. I quickly picked up the kids and literally had to run into the house with them, lightning everywhere. We packed stuff up to go to the basement, but looking at the tv, that cell was going to miss us. So we unpacked everything and then watched the devastation to the southwest of us. But then around 8 pm another cell started forming that would directly hit us. During all this time we did eat dinner. The kids were running around so I ate my son's dinner. Then nevously ate leftover snacks from our trip. Absolute stress eating to the max.

We did go to the basement, which required waking up the little one, so the kids were not in bed, asleep until almost 10 pm. I crashed and set my alarm for 5:30. And I did wake up!

I planned on walking another 5K since I don't have to go into the office today. But my ipod wasn't working - it was on the fritz, not just dead. Oh no! I couldn't bear to think of walking for an hour with no music, so I decided to try Week 1 Day 1 of Couch to 5K which I had put on the treadmill. I did a 5 minute warm up, did intervals for 20 minutes (I need to look on-line for the directions because I was a little unclear if the 20 minutes was supposed to include the 5 minute warm-up) and then I walked for another 5 minutes for a total of 30 minutes.

5 minute warm up - 3.0
Running - 4.2
Walking - 3.2
5 minute cool down - 3.5
30:05 , 1.75 miles

Not sure how much I will continue with running - My body has reacted adversely to running in the past. But I loved that I only worked out for 30 minutes. I need my cardio to be 45 minutes or less - I really just don't have the time for 60 minutes, and walking 60 minutes you just don't get your bang-for-your-buck.

I don't weigh myself on days I work out, so I don't have a weekly weigh-in. Yesterday I was 195.8. Today is my daughter's pre-K/preschool graduation so she has requested spaghetti for dinner (and I am making garlic bread which we haven't had in ages) and she wants to go out of ice cream instead of having a cake in (which is good because it is less expensive and there won't be any leftovers).

Monday, May 30, 2011

Walked again...

I woke at 7 am and immediately got on the treadmill. I had to hunt through clothes in the dark (well pseudo dark) since my clothes from Saturday were still in the dryer. I walked a 5K again, shaving 2 minutes off my time (did it in 59:25) - I did 3.0 for 30 minutes, then 3.2 for 15 minutes, 3.5 for 10 minutes, 3.2 for the last 5 minutes.

On days I work out I don't weigh myself which is very, very hard. I just need to work hard to first get the scale until 195 and then move out of the 190s quickly. I really thought I would never see them again which is very hard for me. But I just need to move past it.

Saturday, May 28, 2011

2 weeks away....

Wow - it's been more than 2 weeks since I have posted here. I think about posting every single day, but life has just gotten so crazy, and then we were on vacation to Pennsylvania for 4 days.

I will admit the scale is really ugly right now - 196.4 this morning :(

But on a good note, I went downstairs this morning and walked at 3K. I took it leisurely - mainly at 3.0 mph so it took 60:37 to do it. But seeing that I haven't been exercising at all, I am cool with it. At my WW meeting (I actually made it, the first time in 6 weeks - though I didn't get on the scale) I committed myself to walking 2 5Ks this week.

After my shower I tried on all my spring clothes. We've have such a cool spring that I haven't needed my capris at all. Though I regretfully admit I've been wearing the same pair of pants 3 out of the 5 days to work since they were the only ones that comfortably fit.

Most of the clothes I tried on did fit - the size 16 pants are a little snug, but I did find a pair of black and a pair of khaki capris (both size 16) that fit so I will be prepared for the warm weather this coming week. All of my short sleeve shirts at XL - I was hoping to be in L's for this summer, but the post-baby (even though the baby is 2 years old) boobs aren't allowing for an L right now.

Speaking of boobs, part of my stress eating of late is due to my anxiety about having my first mammogram in 2 weeks. Since I turned 40 last year, I need to have one. I am terrified of what they might find. A co-worker's wife died last year at 44 of breast cancer, leaving behind 3 children under the age of 12. I can't even imagine. I was so tempted to cancel it, but I had already post-poned it from January. And since I have a physical in June and my annual exam in July, both doctor's would be quite upset if I hadn't had it by then.

Now that the TV season is over, I am hoping to start waking up early to work out. I know I shouldn't dictate my life around TV - after all, isn't that what DVRs are for? I do use a DVR, but I still stay up until 11:30 watching stuff that has been taped. I plan on going upstairs at 10:00, watching a 1/2 hour of TV and have the light out by 10:30.

I also realize that I could swim in the morning. Our townhouse complex has a pool that opened this weekend. There is nothing stopping my from going down a couple of mornings a week and swimming. Since I don't have to get the kids off to school, except maybe 1 day a week when I bring 1 to my parents, I have extra time.

We do have lots of yummy dinners planned for this Memorial Day weekend, but they are just that: dinners. Not desserts (we'll probably have dessert 1 night, but we normally would anyways), and not appetizers and chips and dips and alcohol.

So I hope to get back on track. No promises. Just hopes. Next week is our last WW meeting of this series, though I will be home for my daughter's pre-school graduation. I really doubt we'll have 15 people to keep having it at work. But I really hope to keep going to a meeting outside of work - probably Thursdays at lunch. I NEED someone to be accountable to.

Friday, May 13, 2011

Dehydration woes...

I really thought I posted yesterday. Hmm. Seemed to have gotten eaten. Honestly, I can't even remember what weigh-in was yesterday. It was pretty bad I know - My husband made something insanely salty for dinner on Wednesday night.

This morning I felt like crud. No because I was hungover (I didn't even finish my second drink) but I was severely dehydrated. I met my friend at 8 at a restaurant, we probably didn't eat until 9. Were out until 11. Didn't even finish 1 glass of water. I didn't drink any water when I got home either. And I didn't go to bed until 1:00. Ugh I was dragging this morning. I don't even want to mention the scale this morning. Awful! (I really didn't want to step on but I decided to throw all the superstitions of Friday the 13th away and just face the music)

Today I am working from home for the first time in a long, long time. The kids are at my parents, my husband is home. I was trying to eat a normal day. I pulled out all my WW stuff. I cleaned up the work out area downstairs.

I am going to try. I say that, I've said that before and failed a million times, but I need to stop just saying and start doing. The scale needs to go the other direction, badly!

Thursday, May 12, 2011

Another week disappears

So much for posting every day. At it completely is reflected in the 194.8 I saw on the scale this morning. TOM and a very salty meal for dinner is partially to blame, but over all it really wasn't a good week. I have barely been able to breathe in the last week- I have zero time at work to chit chat, surf the web, or even go to the bathroom - it stinks! And then I come home, deal with the family, and work again from 8:30 - 12. I don't want to just "deal" with the family. It is my favorite time of the year (though the weather has not been great). I want to be enjoying myself! I hate being so close to panic attacks. I hate not having anytime to myself or to do the things I like, or even just sit on the couch and watch TV. Thankfully this won't last very long.

So obviously my eating has also suffered. Because I have been so busy, my snacks haven't happened which results in me wanting to eat crap for lunch, instead of the lunch I brought (I also have been going down to the cafeteria to get a second Coke, because I have been drinking my lunch one for breakfast because I am so tired). And I am starving at dinner because I haven't eaten since lunch. And I haven't been getting in my water. Overall, bad, bad, bad behaviour.

Here is to another week....

Friday, May 6, 2011

Thursdays Stress

So I already blew it on Thursday.

I came to work all ready in my WW dress, excited for the meeting. 20 minutes before the meeting I was sent 2 meeting invites that would last from 11-12:30. So not only did I have to miss the meeting, I didn't get to eat anything until after 1:00. I am neurotic and I don't eat food before my meeting - I have 20 oz of water at 8 am and then usually eat my breakfast during the WW meeting.

At 1 pm my boss needed to catch up with me and I was starving and she wanted to go to the cafeteria. They were celebrating Cinqo de Maio so I had 2 tacos, blacks beans and rice. Too much food. I did make sure I got a snack in before I hit the grocery store after work. And dinner was Subway subs and ice cream for dessert (on a cone so actually not too much ice cream)

Today hasn't been any better. I chose not to bring my food today because they were catering breakfast and I had lunch plans with a friend. My body is screaming to me today - my stomach is just rumbling with gas - painful and embarrassing.

But I will pick myself up and keep trucking.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Weekly Weigh In

Last Week: 194.0
This Week: 190.8
Total Loss (216 starting weight):  -25.2

I am okay with this - I will be much happier when I am back in the 180s.

My challenges this coming week is Mother's Day. My husband and my kids are going to make me breakfast. And when asked what I wanted for dinner I decided upon Mexican so we will be celebrating Cinqo de Maio 3 days late. But I won't let know those challenges are ahead derail my work from now until then, nor will I let the rest of the week after Sunday get away from me.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Pasta needs to be measured

Having my husband measure the pasta really helped. Depending on the day I tell people 'This is all ice cream', 'This is all cheese', meaning me being overweight. Oh, excuse me, "obese". But ultimately, it is all about pasta. Until 2 years ago when we started doing family dinners, I probably ate pasta for dinner 5 nights a week, and probably 6-7 oz all for me. I am by far an overeater versus a junk food eater. Though I was a junk food eater as a child because we had zero junk food in our house so I would get it whenever I could.

Had I not had my husband measure the pasta, he would have probably cooked 12-16 oz and we would have finished it. I would have had 2-3 helpings, potentially nibbling the last bits out of the colander as I cleaned up.

8 oz was a perfect amount for the 4 of us, with enough left over for my daughter's lunch. I won't say I wished there was more. But I am glad there was not. Sitting here now I feel a twinge of hunger but I am not going to do anything about it.  Not eating after dinner has been something I have usually been pretty good at.

I did have thoughts of other food today. I checked my blackberry in my car before going into work. Several emails outlined another crazy day. My first instinct was to get a breakfast sandwich and yogurt parfait on my way into work. But I refrained - the major thing keeping me away from the cafeteria was the thought of weigh-in tomorrow. I felt tempted again at lunch time when I wasn't able to have my 11:30 am lunch and didn't get lunch until 1 pm -  Most of the co-workers I am working in the same room with had come in with their lunches from the cafeteria and it all looked so good! I had left myself get too hungry. But thankfully I was again able to stave off my temptations.

Here is to another good day tomorrow.

Thinking about skipping soon

I won't go as far as saying the spring is back in my step, but I am so close. Even after 2 days of realitive good eating, I just feel lighter. I feel like smiling. I am more confident. And I plan on keeping it up, darnit!

I just emailed my husband, who now is on dinner duty, that he really needs to measure the pasta (Wednesday is Prince Spaghetti night....though we don't eat Prince - we eat the blended pasta - I couldn't get my family on board with 100% whole wheat). Who knows how much he has been cooking - but what he cooks, we eat. Not good. So I told him to make 8 oz for the whole family (and that includes leftovers for my daughter's lunch tomorrow).

I will go to Weight Watchers tomorrow -unless I miraculously lose 1 pound overnight, I will show a gain (from 3 weeks ago) tomorrow. But that is okay. As long as I go.

It is almost time to re-new our WW at Work - I am up 3+ pounds since the beginning of the session. Need to lose those 3 lbs or even the 6 lbs I've gained!!! I am not sure if I will re-new though. $180 is a lot of money in our lives right now. We will see. I know that I am important and doing this is important, but joining this session has done nothing to prevent me from gaining - I just don't go to the meetings. I wish someone would MAKE me go, no matter what.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Need to keep blogging

I am not really a blogger - I wish I could be, but I just do not have time. Between working 8-9 hours in the office and an hour commute each way and kids to take care of, I just don't have the time. I used to have time during the work day to do it, but work is so incredibly crazy right now that I barely have time to pee. I do have time to eat right though....except when they bring in lunch for us - it is usually pizza.

But I realize I need to take at least 5 minutes out of my day to jot down here how I am feeling. Gotta do it. Because the scale keeps going up and up. After a salty dinner Sunday night the scale said 195.0 on Monday morning. I am having thoughts of needing to go buy new pants for the summer (up a size). And WW renews in a month and I am not sure if I have the $180 to renew. Not good thoughts. Not a good place to be.

The scale was back down to 192.8 this morning but I've got to get these 3 pounds off. Now! I need to see the scale say 189.8 again.

I definitely have been very down about the recent weight gain. I was okay when I was under 190 - I could deal with 3-4 lbs. But I've been over 190 pretty consistently since my son's birthday - St Patty's Day. So over 1 1/2 months. Needs to change!

Sleep, or lack thereof, is not helping either. Even when I don't have work to do at night I am not sleeping well because of work stress and financial stress. And we all know how sleep can negatively affect your weight. And I am having borderline panic attacks.

But I am ready to make a change - I want to. I need to. I have a physical on June 21 and if I don't get this stress under control my blood pressure is going to be high, something I never, ever have had an issue with.

So I am going to write every day because jotting down a weight in an Excel spreadsheet that only I see isn't helping.

So I will start with yesterday. Broken record, but dinner. Dinner is my worst enemy. I've said it before, I like the food I eat throughout the day - I don't feel deprived. But dinner is so yummy and in the last 3+ months I've been eating way too much of it.

And then today I put on the same pants I wore yesterday because they are really the only pants that feel comfortable. They are a 16W - the rest of my pants are 16 and feel a little snug. So I wear these khakis 2 days a week, then a snug pair of black pants on Wednesdays and my WW dress on Thursdays. Not very exciting. I have a ton of size 16 capris for the summer but I am too scared to try them on. But I will need them come Memorial Day - 4 weeks from today. So I've got to get moving!

Breathe. I just need to tell myself to breathe.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Weekly Weigh In

Ugh. 194.0

But partially in my defense I decided to have something with dinner last night that I love but don't usually eat anymore because of what it does to the scale - black olives. Yum, yum.

I did still put on my WW dress this morning intending to go, but my 10:30 meeting ran 1 hour too long so I missed the WW meeting completely.

But I did do I good thing (I hope!) I pulled out my WW 3-month tracker and I am going to start tracking again. I have to. The only way to do it. Obviously stepping on the scale every day isn't preventing it from continuously going up over the last 3 months. So this is the only thing I can do.

Monday, April 25, 2011

Easter has come and gone, thankfully...

All of the candy that my husband got me for Easter has been left in the work kitchen and hopefully will be gone by lunch. But I did indulge myself some over the weekend but today is a new day.

The scale this morning showed exactly a 7 lb gain since January 27th - I NEED to get back until 190 again. So today is the day it all starts again. No excuses this time.

Saturday, April 23, 2011

An amazing dream!

After I was done with my early-morning work stuff, I had the luxury of going back to sleep from 6-9:30. During which I had an amazing dream. I had a dream I was running a cross-country 1/2 marathon. By cross-country I mean in the woods/off the beaten path. Not a 1/2 marathon on a course with thousands of other people - no thank you! But it was also a scavenger hunt in you didn't know where you were going next - you would run from point A to point B, then be told where to go next. The only thing was in the dream I didn't have a Garmin so I didn't actually know how far I was going! (I wonder if this has anything to do with me 1) getting a car GPS for the first time this week and 2) wondering if I should get a Garmin so if I were to take walks/runs I'd know where/how far I was going. Though I think I can use my iphone for that - need to look.

But the best part of the dream was at the start of the race where it was straight up a mountain - all the other women who were runners, not hikers like I used to be, took off too fast and very quickly starting walking, while I paced myself straight up the mountain. It goes back to how amazing I felt training to hike Mt Rainier and how amazing I felt hiking the mountain. Hiking and other things are how I've gotten my runners high in the past. Part of me definitely wishers I could be a runner or wanted to be a runner, but it doesn't seem to be my thing and my body has not taken to running in the past. I can strap a 40 lb pack on my back and hike 10 miles, but putting on running shoes and running 1 mile. My knees have said - no thank you!

I want to get moving - I really do. I've got to do it, I've got to do it, I've got to do it.

Weekly Weigh In

Last Week: 190.4
This Week: 192.4
Change: +2.0

Ugh. I've always told myself that by weighing in every day I wouldn't let myself gain more than 5 lbs. But since my lowest was 185.4 a few months ago, here I am at 7 lbs. I tell myself it is time to do something different. But it is hard. Life is very, very hard right now. Work is so stressful that I barely have time to breathe at work (hence me not posting the weigh-in for 2 days....oh yeah, I've been up since 4 am this Saturday because I have work to do between 4 and 6). And then home dealing with our new schedule and new budget and new everything. I am on the verge of panic attacks.

I've said it before, I don't do well with change. Once the change has happened and a routine is established, I can get back into a groove and do well. But with life in-flux, it is so hard for me.

Another thing that happened in the last week is I set a weekly menu of all foods I love (and my kids hate) so I really went over the deep end of eating too much for dinners (to the tune of eating off their plates!). This week I had my husband plan the menus - not that he'll make food I don't like, but I am hoping that it will help me eat less. And I need to make sure he makes enough vegetables - he continues to make as much for the whole family that I would eat on my own.

Need to drink water! I've been pretty good getting in 80 oz, but I would like to get in 100 - I need to drink a bottle after dinner.

And lastly, I need to write here more! It is a hard time and I need to be more accountable.