Friday, October 29, 2010

Dresses and desserts

So I brought home the size 14/16 dress from Lane Bryant, and after removing the tags and washing it, I thought about how we went on a cruise in October 2004, when I probably weighed what I do now, and there were formal nights. So what did I wear back then and did I still own them? I found a dress in my closet that was size 14 - figured no way that it would fit. Well it did. So I am kicking myself for having washing the dress (and the tags are already out with the trash) but it will just get added to the Donate pile. And now the Spanx I bought, will be put to some use.

But on another note, I bought a pair of shoes today in size 9 for the first time ever. I hate shoes. I hate wearing them and I especially hate buying them. But my casual work shoes had worn out and needed to be replaced. My shoes have been uncomfortable since my first pregnancy, but I have not had to buy new shoes since then and I kept telling myself it was the weight, not the pregnancies that made my feet grow. I still think it is the weight, and hopefully in 45 lbs, I will again be a size 8 1/2, not 9.

The first piece of Halloween candy to enter through our door, except for the 4 days of unopened candy downstairs, came 27 hours ago and I have only had 1 piece. A snickers. 2 points. I wrote it down. But today my husband and I went to the movie and I had soda and popcorn with lots of butter. And I had 2 helpings of his yummy chicken parm. And pumpkin cheescake ice cream for dessert. But still, only that 1 piece of candy so far.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Weekly Weigh In

Last Week: 195.0
This Week: 193.4
Change: -1.6
Total Loss since 3/25/2010: -22.6 lb
Tota Loss since 1/1/2010: - 28.4 lb

I can't go to my WW meeting today - I am home sick, trying to rest for the weekend. I would have gone had the scale been .6 less because I would have gotten my 25 lb weight. But I really didn't do much this week to warrant a weight loss.

This upcoming week is definitely going to be challenging. I've got a wedding to go to Saturday night, so in addition to the actual wedding, it is a 36 hour trip away from home. Since the ceremony won't be until 6:30 and the cocktail hour starts at 8:00, god knows when we'll actually eat, so I will definitely be bringing some snacks.

And then there is Halloween. My daughter is going trick-or-treating 3 times this holiday. I have definitely been guilty of raiding her bag the last 2 years she's gone. I am gonig to try to be good. I am going to try to  be good. But at the minimum  I am going to track, track, track.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Clothing Sizes Annoyance

I have a wedding to go to this weekend - it is my cousin and my husband is not going, so it is just my parents and me. So I don't really care what I am wearing. I had ordered a dress from JCP, but it just looked horrible on me, so I sent it back. I have a cute polka-dot dress that I just recently started wearing to WW - so I feel a tad bit guilty wearing a dress I would wear to work, to a wedding in New York City.

I went to Kohl's and they had nothing. I don't have time or $ to try Lord & Taylor, so I decided to check out Lane Bryant today just to see what they had.

I brought a little black dress (14/16), a strapless black (16) and a grey sweater dress (14/16) into the dressing room. I try on the little black dress, excited to see if the 14/16 fits me, expecting that I will need to buy my first pair of Spanx in order for it too. But instead it is swimming on me. The other 2 dresses aren't great. So buying the too big 14/16 in my only option. I can't get excited about the tag saying 14/16 when it is huge on me. I was actually wearing a size 18 pair of pants from Lane Bryant that aren't that baggy. I can't wear 18W anymore without them falling to the ground, but LB 18's seem to still fit.

So I bought the dress and I am just not excited about it. But how excited can I be going to a wedding with my parents when I am 40 years old?

Friday, October 22, 2010

Even better...

I ate well all day yesterday and was down even more this morning at 194.0. Woo-hoo!

I took my progress pictures this morning - I hadn't taken them since the end of July and 199 lbs. I've decided I am going to do them every 5 lbs.

I take front, side and back poses in 4 different outfits - jeans/shirt, bathing suit, bra/underwear, sports bra/pants.

Of course looking at the pictures is depressing. I mean I am still obese and will be for another 10 lbs. And looking at the rolls and chub is gross!

But I will just keep moving forward.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Last Week: 197.0
This Week: 195.0

Change: -2

Total Loss Since 3/25/2010: 21 lb

Total Loss Since 1/1/2010: 26.8 lb

I will admit I cheated a little with the weigh-in. If I was being 100% honest I would have put 195.4. That is the weight I was at WW for 3 weeks in a row (and I then skipped 2 weigh-ins because they would have shown a gain). I wasn't sure what the scale would say this morning. When I stepped on it eventually rested on 195.4. I wasn't really paying attention to the other numbers is said, ala Biggest Loser. Sometimes what it rests on is higher than the number before it, sometimes it was smaller. I thought I had seen a glimpse of 196 something, so I wanted to be prepared for maybe not maintaining at WW today. So I did what I rarely ever do, I immediately stepped on the scale again. It said 195.4 and then jumped down and landed on 195.0. So I will take that.

I need about a 2 -2.4 lb loss to get my 25 lb weight at WW. I think I could do that in the next week if I really put my heart and soul into it. We have no plans of going out over the weekend or baking plans or plans for any extravegent dinners. So maybe, maybe I could do it!

But then next weekend I am going to NYC for 1 night to my cousins weekend - so a lot of driving, a wedding, probably a sinful breakfast the next morning. Could be ugly. But I am going to focus on the next week for now. One day at a time.

Friday, October 15, 2010

Thankful for Friday

I so easily could not have gotten out of bed this morning to work out. I had gone to bed  a little later than expected last night, it was raining, it was dark, it was cold (we haven't turned our heat on). But I made myself do it and I am happy I did. Also, I feel like a chest cold is coming on, which in the past would have stopped me from working out, but until I feel horrible, I am going to work out - my lungs actually felt better.

I continue to resist doing anything except walk on the treadmill. I was for 45 minutes and average 2.25 miles. The max I walk at is 3.2 miles per hour. But in my hey-day of working out I did walk on the treadmill at between 3.5 - 4.0 miles per hour. But I need to start doing more - I need to do intervals on the treadmill, or do it at an incline, or start doing videos or the bike. Soon. I keep telling myself. I will do it soon.

But I also didn't do very well at breakfast this morning. For 2 1/2 years I have worked from home on Fridays, but now that I am on new clients, I am not sure if I will be able to. Plus I had to come into work this morning. In the past I haven't had breakfasts from the cafeteria but of weigh-in on Thursday. But since I am here on a Friday I felt compelled to get my breakfast sandwich AND yogurt parfait (vanilla yogurt, granola and strawberries and blueberries). I can't do this every Friday. But I will allow it once a month. I just need to keep on plan for the rest of the day.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Weekly Weigh-In

Last Week: 197.2
This Week: 197.0
Change: -.2
Total Lost since 3/25/2010: 19 lb
Total Lost since 1/1/2010: 24.8 lb

It definitely was not a stellar week at all, except for the last 2 days when I was back on plan.

Plans for this week:
1) No eating out
2) Don't eat birthday cake on Sunday
3) No desserts
4) Work out 3 times
5) Smaller, more healthy dinners

My goal for the week is to get back to 195.4, if not less.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Ditching the scale.....sort of

I am one of those people that need to weigh myself every day to keep myself in check.

I used to weigh myself only if I thought the number would make me happy. If I didn't think I would like the number, I wouldn't weigh myself, and before I knew it I hadn't weighed myself in months and I would have gained 15 pounds. To me, seeing a bad number on the scale made me think that the rest of the day was going to be horrible. So I would skip it.

So on 1/1/2010, after weighing the heaviest I ever had been not related to pregnancy (221.8), I decided I needed to weigh myself every day - the good, the bad and the ugly. And I would track it on an Excel spreadsheet, along with some notes about the day.

This all worked well up until 5 weeks ago when I started working out. You see, I weigh myself at my "lightest" every morning (I apologize for this being a little bit of TMI) and being pretty "regular", I am confident that at 6:30 am, I am going to be the lightest for the day. I don't weigh myself after a shower or any other time during the day - Why would I? I wouldn't be lighter. I am not one of those people that thinks the scale will say happier things after a work out. Why would it - I just drank 24 oz of water during that workout? I have been known to re-weigh myself on the weekends if I am up early with the kids and then 2 hours later if I still haven't eaten or drunk anything and then I go to the bathroom again. I will go upstairs, take off my pjs again, and re-weigh myself.

But on the days I work out, because of the "regularity" I am not at my lightest at 5:30 in the morning. So I decided on the 3-4 times a week that I am supposed to wake up, I won't weigh myself. It is a little easier too, because I have been shleping the scale downstairs each morning so I don't wake up my family by using the bathroom upstairs. So I also had this routine in my head that maybe the scale wasn't saying nice things to me because it was positioned in a different place in my head. The games we play.

But I was actually okay this morning with not weighing myself. The less-than-stellar numbers on workout days were resulting in negative thoughts as I walked on the treadmill - You might think it may be an inspiration to work harder, but no, at 5:30 am I wasn't happy.

So I will weigh-in tomorrow. Another neuroses I have is that on WW day, I do not work out (because that results in drinking water and needing a snack afterwards) and I don't eat anything until after my weigh-in at 11:00 am. I do drink 20 oz of water, but only before 8:30 am.

I am not expecting the weigh-in to go well tomorrow, but I am going to go, no matter what. Like stepping on the scale at home, regardless of what it says, I need to do that with Weight Watchers as well. I didn't go last week with a 2 lb gain. I need to go tomorrow regardless of what it says.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Time to get back on track

I need to get back under control. I HATE this feeling. Just a few short weeks ago I was feeling on top of the world. I hit my 10%. I was so close to my 25 lb weight. But literally within a day, I was spiraling and haven’t been able to recover. I skipped WW last weight because I didn’t want to see the 2 lb gain. And I most likely will skip again this week because it would then be a 3 lb gain. I am teetering on seeing the 200’s again and I don’t want that. I grabbed a size 18W pants this morning instead of the 16W I had gotten myself into.

I know what I need to do:

1) Start tracking again

2) Pick healthier dinners and plan better

3) Drink my water

4) Go to bed on time and get up and work out

I doesn’t sound hard to do. I just need to do it. Today. Not on Thursday when a new WW week starts. Today. Tuesday.

Here it is mid-October and my dream of reaching my goal by Jack’s 2nd birthday have all but disappeared. I don’t want to extend the goal to my 41st birthday because that is too far away. I guess I could extend it to our anniversary. But I also think that deadlines don’t work for me. But I really do need a push. I need to push out of the 190’s, but it seems like a huge leap when the scale said 198.8 this morning, when it had been 195.4 a few weeks ago.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Weekly Weigh-In

Last Week: 195.4
This Week: 197.2
Change: +1.8

I completely expected this - I didn't do anything well this past week and on Monday I already decided I wasn't going to Weight Watchers today. It has been a very stressful week at work, with the risk of losing my job tied in. I haven't been eating myself out of house and home, but I haven't made any smart decisions either. I did wake up on Tuesday to work out, though only walked at 3.0 instead of 3.2. And then the kids were up Tuesday night sick so I didn't have the energy to work out yesterday. And then I stayed up chatting with my husband last night.

But this is a new week. I think I have a job :) So I should be able to have a productive week and at least get back to where I was last week.