Need to keep blogging

I am not really a blogger - I wish I could be, but I just do not have time. Between working 8-9 hours in the office and an hour commute each way and kids to take care of, I just don't have the time. I used to have time during the work day to do it, but work is so incredibly crazy right now that I barely have time to pee. I do have time to eat right though....except when they bring in lunch for us - it is usually pizza.

But I realize I need to take at least 5 minutes out of my day to jot down here how I am feeling. Gotta do it. Because the scale keeps going up and up. After a salty dinner Sunday night the scale said 195.0 on Monday morning. I am having thoughts of needing to go buy new pants for the summer (up a size). And WW renews in a month and I am not sure if I have the $180 to renew. Not good thoughts. Not a good place to be.

The scale was back down to 192.8 this morning but I've got to get these 3 pounds off. Now! I need to see the scale say 189.8 again.

I definitely have been very down about the recent weight gain. I was okay when I was under 190 - I could deal with 3-4 lbs. But I've been over 190 pretty consistently since my son's birthday - St Patty's Day. So over 1 1/2 months. Needs to change!

Sleep, or lack thereof, is not helping either. Even when I don't have work to do at night I am not sleeping well because of work stress and financial stress. And we all know how sleep can negatively affect your weight. And I am having borderline panic attacks.

But I am ready to make a change - I want to. I need to. I have a physical on June 21 and if I don't get this stress under control my blood pressure is going to be high, something I never, ever have had an issue with.

So I am going to write every day because jotting down a weight in an Excel spreadsheet that only I see isn't helping.

So I will start with yesterday. Broken record, but dinner. Dinner is my worst enemy. I've said it before, I like the food I eat throughout the day - I don't feel deprived. But dinner is so yummy and in the last 3+ months I've been eating way too much of it.

And then today I put on the same pants I wore yesterday because they are really the only pants that feel comfortable. They are a 16W - the rest of my pants are 16 and feel a little snug. So I wear these khakis 2 days a week, then a snug pair of black pants on Wednesdays and my WW dress on Thursdays. Not very exciting. I have a ton of size 16 capris for the summer but I am too scared to try them on. But I will need them come Memorial Day - 4 weeks from today. So I've got to get moving!

Breathe. I just need to tell myself to breathe.